Full Circle
Title: Full Circle
Author: iantojjackh
Rating: PG
Summary: Ianto froze as he heard the voice clearly and it was not one he should be hearing.
Characters/Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Warnings: This was written for the self harm prompt at hc_bingo. Mentions past suicide attempt.
Word Count: 3k
Beta: badly_knitted. Thanks for the help on this one and giving me the nudge to continue.
Full Circle
Cold. Empty. Betrayed. Nothing mattered anymore. There was nothing worth living for anymore. No one to live for. The people he trusted most hurt him in the deepest way. Two years of stolen memories that could never be replaced. The one memory from that time is single flash of a young woman taking her final breath in his arms and the most wretched wail of grief expelling from his lungs.
"Bastards," the former Time Agent carefully examined the gun in his hands, the cold metal a perfect metaphor for his inner turmoil.
The planet of paradise, Paradiso Nirvana, was the perfect place to end it all and far removed from his own time. Early 21st century by the looks of it. No one here would know or even miss him. Just another poor soul, taking the coward's way out. Even in paradise there was a dark side hidden just below the surface. The dark was always there, you just needed to know where to look. No one would miss rogue Time Agent Trevor Kirkson. At least that was the name he was using now.
The gun was pointed at his forehead, hands shaking violently as the battle of whether to pull the trigger or not waged on. The sound of approaching footsteps put him further on edge. No one hardly ever came down this way and the gun was now pointed towards the approaching sound. "Come any closer and I'll shoot."
"I'll be there in a few minutes, Jack. Just got a little turned around. I'll be fine. Get comfortable and wait for me. Yes, clothing is optional. None preferred." Ianto clicked off the comm in his ear and was startled by the voice and the threat. "Sorry, just trying get back to the resort." He cursed that he did not have his weapon on him, but what need did he have for one on his honeymoon?
"Just get out of here," Trevor growled.
Ianto froze as he heard the voice clearly and it was not one he should be hearing. At least one that should not be coming from in front of him as it was the same voice he heard on the comm a minute ago. Knowing Jack as well as he did, he knew the desperation in his voice. "Are you okay?"
"I said get away," the angry man yelled again, turning the gun back unto himself.
"You don't want to do that," Ianto carefully inched closer to the man with the gun. Being Torchwood made its members rush toward danger instead of running from it especially if it involved one of their own.
"And why should I listen to you? Those fuckers took two years of my life from me. After all I did for them, this is how they repay me." Trevor's hand was visibly shaking as he got ready to pull the trigger. There was nothing else to live for.
'Crap!' Ianto muttered to himself, realizing this was Jack before he met the Doctor. Before he became immortal and if he pulled that trigger he would not revive moments later. He had to do something and quick. A world without Jack Harkness would be a very different place, a cold sad lonely place. Not a place he wanted to live. Ianto could picture the world unraveling if a fixed point in time and space were to vanish from existence. "If you kill yourself, wouldn't that be letting those people win?" And Jack always hated to lose. He cheats, he always cheats.
"I don't care. It's not like anyone would miss me. There is nothing left for me. You don't know what it's like to be at the bottom of the barrel. To have everything that ever mattered ripped from you and tossed like it’s a piece of salvage debris." Trevor's voice shook as much as his body did. The handsome blue-eyed stranger seemed engrossed in something else and it made him feel worse.
'Ianto. Ianto. Am I going to have to come find you? It's lonely without my sexy husband to feed me exotic fruit while we go erotic. I don't want to have to start by myself. I need to ride your arse all night long until you can't walk anymore. Come get me, my devilish Welshman.'
It was odd to have one version of Jack, despondently crying over the unfairness of life and barely holding on and then another moaning, pornographically into his ear and detailing what he wanted to do to him when Ianto got back. The juxtaposition of the men made Ianto's head throb.
"Jack, enough. I'll be back when I can. Don't worry about me." Ianto regretted his tone, knowing it would make Jack worry more. "I'm sorry. I ran into someone who needs my help. I'll be there soon. I promise."
'That's my Ianto, always helping out others. Don't be too long. We need to pick up our celebration where we left off. I want to do very naughty things to my husband. How do you feel about not leaving the bed until it’s time to go home?'
Ianto blushed furiously and saw the pain in the younger Jack's eyes. "Sorry, my husband gets carried away sometimes." He plucked the comm from his ear and placed it in his shirt pocket.
"How long have you been married?"
"Since last night."
"Congratulations, I suppose. Someone at the top of the world is hardly in the position to give me advice. How about I kill you instead?" The gun was now pointed at Ianto.
Ianto did not flinch even though his heart was racing as fast as a hummingbird's wings. "You wouldn't want to do that."
"Give me one good reason not to."
"Because this isn't you."
"You don't even know me." The suicidal man's hand shook as he seriously considered shooting.
Ianto squeezed his eyes shut as he heard a click. "You're right. I don't know you, but I'm not the one you should be angry at. True, my life might be the best it has ever been right now, but it wasn't always like this. My husband and I both have had really horrible stuff happen to us and both of us made it through. It does get better." Ianto hated being a walking cliche, but he was in the unique position to know exactly how much better things would get. He wondered what the man before him would say if he heard what his future self had planned for Ianto upon his return to the resort.
"You are standing in front of me, telling me not to kill myself. You are standing in my way and the only way to get what I want is to get rid of you." Trevor fired the gun, changing his aim at the last second and the bullet breezed several inches past the top of Ianto's head.
Ianto gave Trevor a scathing look that he would eventually come to know quite well. "So killing me is going to make your pain better or better yet, yourself?"
"Yes." The tone was quite unconvincing.
Ianto used his knowledge of Jack to gain the upper hand and quickly yank the gun away and toss it as far from them both as possible.
"What do you think you are doing?" Trevor grabbed Ianto's wrist and twisted it, pulling Ianto toward him.
"Stopping you from making a stupid mistake." Ianto tried to pull free of the tight grasp and in the struggle the two men ended up knocking heads.
"It's not stupid. Two years of my life are gone and I'll never get them back."
"Killing yourself is permanent. Don't throw away what will be a lifetime of good memories for two years. Maybe they took the memories for a good reason. Maybe they are too horrific to remember." Ianto never pressed Jack about his Time Agency days except where John Hart was concerned.
"How do you know the they stole my memories? I never told you that," Trevor grabbed Ianto by the shirt and threw him to the ground, pinning Ianto with a knee to the chest. "They sent you, didn't they?"
"Crap," Ianto muttered when his slip up about stolen memories was recognised. "Nobody sent me. I'm here on my honeymoon."
"Prove it," Trevor applied more pressure to the chest of the one he had pinned down. "Have your husband come here and verify your story."
Ianto struggled to free himself from the crushing weight. "I don't think that would be a good idea." Past and future self coming in contact with one another would cause one hell of a temporal feedback surge. He knew there could be a better excuse he had to use. The first idea that popped into Ianto's head disgusted him, but it might work.
'No, it wouldn't. He would never believe Hart would settle down. Come on think of something better. Anything but the truth. Or maybe the truth would work with a side of Retcon. Or a different truth; one that Jack did not even know.' The thoughts raced through Ianto's mind.
"You know the way you were holding the gun before you wouldn't necessarily be successful especially with the way your hands were shaking. Do you see the scar on my right temple?" Ianto twisted his head to point out the scar's location which was only noticeable when pointed out. Everyone believed the scar was from a fight he got into when he was a teenager. "I tried to shoot myself like you were about to when I was fourteen. It didn't work. I took a shit load of pills six years ago and it didn't work again. I thought that someone, somewhere was telling me that the world wanted me alive. Shortly after the second attempt I started to date the man who would become my husband."
Trevor relaxed, taking some of the weight off Ianto's chest. "Why does it matter if I kill myself? What is it to you? You aren't one of those people who think my soul would be in eternal agony if I commit suicide?"
Ianto's vision started to swirl as he tried to come up with a good answer. Perhaps, the truth would be the best. A very vague glossing over of the truth should work. "How do you know that if you do kill yourself that you aren't destroying the timeline? Possibly robbing countless people of life. How do you know that tomorrow isn't the day that you meet someone who will change your life for the better?" Ianto sighed, realising how corny he sounded, but the words sounded much better and smooth in his head. His eyes kept flicking between the vortex manipulator and the uncertain eyes of the man who was intent on taking his exit from the world.
Trevor still had a hard time believing the garbage this guy was shovelling, but noticed the way he kept on looking at his wrist strap.
"You've seen one of these before?"
"Once or twice." Ianto tried to remain calm despite his heart racing wildly, scared and worried that he would not be able to talk the incensed man out of killing himself or him. The idea of what kind of paradox would occur if Ianto was to be killed at this man's hands almost made Ianto laugh despite being scared. Future Jack would almost certainly kill his past self if he were to kill Ianto.
"How about looking at it this way? If either of us were to die tonight it would cause one hell of a huge paradox. Wouldn't it be better to make those who caused you all this pain suffer like they are making you suffer? Strike back instead of striking out." Ianto continued, hoping he was making some progress.
Trevor carefully studied the face of the stranger still pinned beneath him and tauntingly but almost seductively traced his finger around the high cheek bones and pouty lips. "What makes you so sure that if I were to kill both of us here and now that it will create a paradox?" He was back to taunting Ianto.
"I know everything," he replied with a cocky and lopsided grin. "I just know you are not meant to die tonight and as a Time Agent you know I can't reveal too much so as not to alter the future."
"So we meet again?" Trevor pushed himself off Ianto and sat a few feet away, tightly drawing his knees to his chest to hide how much his body wanted to shake.
"You know I can't tell you that."
"What can you tell me then?"
"I can suggest a time and place to get a new start."
Trevor tilted his head and waited for a response.
"Mid-twentieth century Earth is a good place to start. The 1940s was always a time that interested me and London is always an interesting place to find people." Ianto thought nudging him to where Jack first met the Doctor was a good start.
"Is that where you are from?" Trevor finally cracked his first smile.
"I've spent some time in London," Ianto was always weak for that smile. "Fascinating place. I think you will fit in well there."
"Why don't you come with me?" The flirting was obvious and Trevor started to seriously consider the ideas presented to him.
Ianto rolled his eyes at the flirting. This was the side of Jack he was used to and was an expert at dealing with. "I can't and won't leave my husband. He's everything to me."
Trevor pouted, "Isn't that a shame. He sounds very lucky to have someone so devoted to him. If I could only find someone like that."
"One day you will. You've got to give life another chance."
"London. 1940s you say? Maybe I should give it a shot." Trevor started to shake as the adrenaline that had been flowing through his body started to ebb. Tears started to fall and the sobbing came next.
"Are you okay?" Ianto tensed up at the sudden mood swing, hoping this was a good sign and this was the pent up anger finding a more healthy release.
"Those bastards stole my life. They are not going to get away with this," Trevor reached out for comfort. He hated showing his weak and vulnerable side, but to do it to a stranger was worse. Trevor could not explain why he felt so at ease with Ianto. It had been his experience that people use others’ weakness to their advantage, but Trevor felt this would not be the case.
Ianto took the crying man into his arms and soothingly rubbed his back. "Then don't let them. Make them sorry for destroying you."
Trevor burrowed his face into Ianto's chest and let his emotions pour forth. The longer he cried, the more the toxic feelings left his body. "I'm sorry for ruining your honeymoon," he apologized.
"It's okay," Ianto whispered as he kissed the top of the man's head. 'This has to happen so I can finish it,' he reminded himself.
Ianto watched as the broken man finally fell asleep after crying himself out in his arms and realised it had been several hours since he last heard from Jack. It dawned on Ianto that his husband did not come looking for him because he remembered this night had to happen in order to start him down the road to becoming the man he was now. The man who loved life and the man who loved him and whom he loved more than anything.
"It will get better I promise," Ianto whispered and placed a tender kiss on the man's forehead. "Just you wait and see." He carefully untangled himself from the arms that almost did not want to let go. Ianto paused for a moment to make sure the man who would become his Jack did not wake up. When he was certain he would not wake, Ianto turned and headed back toward the resort. He did not get more than twenty feet when he was grabbed from behind.
"And now it doesn't get any better than this," Jack purred, nuzzling his face into the crook of the neck of the amazing man he had married. "Have I ever told you how utterly amazing you are?"
"You might have mentioned it a few times, but I don't mind hearing it again." A bright smile spread across Ianto's face as he melted into the strong embrace.
"Let's go back to our room and I can show you how much." Jack turned Ianto around, kneading the tight muscles of his arm so he could kiss his blue eyed angel. "Thank you for saving me," he whispered just before their lips joined.
"You're welcome." Ianto held on a little tighter than normal, realising how close he had come to having this life undone. "You've saved me too."
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In the morning, Trevor woke to find himself alone and reborn with a new purpose. He was not going to let the people who destroyed his life win. His guardian angel had mention something about Earth 1940s London, about it being a nice place for a new start. With a new start comes a new identity and Trevor knew exactly what name to take: Jack. That's what the nameless saviour said was his husband's name was.
Upon his arrival in London, the ex-Time Agent that now went by the name of Jack found the perfect person's identity to take over. At first he looked for the dark haired man with a voice of gold, but came up empty handed. It was then his life took an unexpected turn and an incredible journey began. Soon Jack found himself forgetting about the one responsible for saving his life and eventually all memory of him was gone.
It was not until one cold night in Cardiff while hunting a pteranodon in a warehouse when he found himself pinned under an annoying but intoxicating man that the memories of the lowest night of his life came flooding back.
Jack finally found the one he had been looking for.
~Fin