Hollow (Chapter 11)
Title: Hollow
Pairings: Ian/Anthony -- one-sided, Anthony/Kalel.
Summary: Anthony is getting married and he couldn't be happier. That is, until he discovers the downward spiral that Ian is going down.
Ratings/Warnings: PG-13; Angst, one-sided, slash, language, a little fluff at the end.
A/N: This is wayyyy overdue. Technically, this is the last chapter, although there is a smutty last chapter that I will post *wink, wink.*
Previous chapters: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10
It was a five hour drive back to Sacramento, one that he, on any other occasion, would have been reluctant to make, especially considering that he’d done it only hours before.
After leaving Melanie’s, he’d driven back to LA, and after his argument with Kalel, he headed back to Sacramento to see Ian. After all, from what he’d heard from Melanie after his incident with his soon-to-be ex-wife, Ian should have been home by the time he got there. It required him driving into the wee hours of the night, but Anthony didn’t mind at all.
Anthony had literally never felt so happy in his entire life. He knew that he still had a lot of discussing to do with Ian, but he was beyond
certain that he loved him, too. There were a lot of things to consider, but Anthony was confident.
Which was why it didn’t make much sense for him to be so nervous when he walked up the drive of the Smosh house. After all, Ian was
still his best friend, and more importantly, Ian loved him, too. So why was he so nervous?
Because there’s still uncertainty, Anthony thought, raising his hand to knock on the door. Even if I do tell Ian how I feel, what will be his
reply? And if he does want to be with me, what will happen to Smosh? And then there’s the fact that I’m still married to Kalel.
But he knocked, sighing in relief when he heard the sound of shuffling feet. He bit his lip, highly anticipating seeing Ian.
The door swung open and Anthony saw that Ian was clad in a T-shirt and plaid pajama pants, but his face was cleanly-shaven and his
hair was neat.
Must’ve just gotten home and changed, Anthony guessed.
“Anthony?” Ian asked, bewildered, “what are you doing here?”
Anthony smiled at him. “Can I come in first?”
Moving out of the way, Ian replied, “duh, it’s the Smosh house.”
Anthony chuckled and stepped into the house. Ian shut the door and looked at Anthony, still puzzled.
“When did you get home?” Anthony asked, settling down on the leather sofa.
“About an hour ago,” Ian replied, “so...what’s up?”
Anthony hesitated. This would be the difficult part for him, deciding the best way to let Ian know about everything.
“Melanie said you went over to talk to her today,” Ian went on, Anthony obviously taking too long to respond.
“Yeah,” Anthony replied, “I did.”
“And you yelled at her,” Ian pointed out.
“I did,” Anthony admitted, “but I really wish that I wouldn’t have. I realized that she really didn’t deserve that.”
Ian nodded. “No, she didn’t. I don’t know what it was that you talked about, but whatever it was, she didn’t deserve it.”
“I know that now,” Anthony sighed, “I was just angry at myself and needed someone to blame. I know that what happened to you is my
fault.”
Ian blinked, his heart pounding. “Wh-what? Did Melanie tell you that?”
Anthony shook his head. “No, she didn’t. I...I talked to Kalel instead.”
With that, he stood up and walked over to Ian and threw his arms around him. The moment he did so, Anthony felt a huge relief, but Ian
stiffened.
“You...you did?” Ian asked, awkwardly putting his arms around Anthony.
“Yeah,” Anthony replied, closing his eyes, “and I’m sorry.”
Ian was confused. Not only at Anthony’s apology, but also at his behavior. “Huh? Why are you sorry?”
Anthony pulled away and swallowed hard. “She...She told me everything. About how she said you were pathetic. That she told you to
kill yourself.”
Ian’s face fell. “Oh...Sh-she did, did she?”
“That was a horrible thing to say,” Anthony continued, “I can’t believe she did that! And even more so, I can’t believe you went through
with it.”
Ian opened his mouth to reply, but Anthony stopped him.
“Ian, you’re my best friend. I love you and you are the most important person in the world to me, don’t you get that?” His eyes began to
shine with unshed tears.
“I-”
Anthony looked up at him. “I’m so sorry, Ian. For never knowing how you felt about me.”
Ian’s eyes widened and he stepped back, as if he’d been pushed. “Anthony, wh-what are you talking about?”
“Ian, I know how you feel and it’s okay because-”
A look of utter terror flashed across Ian’s face. “No! No!” Before Anthony could react, Ian had ran down the hallway and to his bedroom,
slamming the door and locking it behind him.
“Ian!” Anthony called out, trotting after him. He knocked on Ian’s door, awaiting a reply.
“I’m not gonna talk so you might as well leave!” Ian shouted.
Anthony leaned his forehead against the door, sighing. “Ian, really! It’s all right! Can we please talk?!”
When Ian didn’t respond, Anthony began to panic. “Ian, please don’t do this again! I can’t handle you shutting me out!”
Ian did not reply and Anthony burst into tears, loud sobs emanating throughout the walls. He was surprised that he’d begun to cry and at
this level, too. He’d dealt with Ian totally turning a blind eye to him before and it was the most difficult thing he’d ever done. He simply
wouldn’t do it again.
As Anthony slid down the wall, tears still springing from his eyes, Ian was getting up from his bed and walking toward the door. At the
sound of Anthony’s cries, his heart had begun to ache and he just couldn’t take it. Whatever embarrassment and shame he had bottled
up would have to be tossed aside. He loved Anthony too much to see him suffer.
Cautiously, he opened the door. To the left of the wall, Anthony sat, crumpled into somewhat of a ball. He sat with his knees up to his
chest, his arms tucked in and wrapped around his head. He was trembling and soft, muffled sobs were spreading throughout the
hallway. He bent down beside his friend, heart pounding.
“Ant,” he whispered, pulling him close to him, “shh, it’s okay. I’m here now.”
Anthony sniffed and looked up at Ian with shiny eyes.
Ian gave him a soft smile. “Sorry about that.”
He was relieved when Anthony slightly chuckled. He wiped at his eyes and replied, “you can’t do that anymore, man. You scared the
shit out of me last time.”
“I know,” Ian sighed, pressing his forehead against Anthony’s shoulder, “and I’m sorry.”
Anthony snorted. “You’re sorry? Ian, I should be the one saying sorry. I’m the biggest asshole in the history of assholes!”
Ian frowned. “Huh?”
Anthony let out a long, drawn out breath. “Kalel is a horrible, disgusting person and I can’t believe she told you to...you know.” He
couldn’t bring himself to say those dreaded words. “Doesn’t she know how important you are to Smosh? The Smosh Games Crew?” He
looked straight into Ian’s eyes, “to me?”
Ian blushed. “I...I guess not.”
Anthony continued. “I threw my ring at her. I’m going to divorce her as soon as possible. But you know what?”
“What?” Ian asked.
“I can’t bring myself to hate her,” Anthony replied, looking down.
“Why?” Ian asked, then he gulped, “do you still love her?”
Anthony snickered. “Hell no! But she made me realize who I am and who I was always supposed to be with.” He shrugged. “The person that’s been in front of me almost my whole life, waiting for me to realize it.”
Ian swallowed. “Who is it?”
Anthony smiled at him. “Dude, it’s you, Ian. Who else would it be?”
The blue-eyed man was taken aback. How could have Anthony have ‘realized that he loved him and that he loved him back in a span of
less than twenty-four hours? It simply wasn’t possibly. “No!” he exclaimed, “You just think that because I almost died. You don’t really
love me.”
Anthony frowned at Ian. “I do, too, Ian. I just didn’t know it because of Kalel.”
“Exactly,” Ian retorted, “once you realized Kalel wasn’t a good person anymore, you decided that you loved me instead because you
knew I loved you. You still love Kalel, you just don’t want to be with her.”
“No!” Anthony shook his head, “Goddammit Ian, what can I do to make you believe me?!”
Ian sighed. “There’s no way to make me beli-”
Before Ian could reply, Anthony had pressed his lips against Ian’s, shoving the other man against the white walls. At first, Ian released a
soft, startled sound from his lips, but soon enough, he kissed back, long enough to forget his argument.
Too soon, Anthony had pulled away, leaning his forehead against Ian’s, both of their hearts pounding a mile a minute. “That proof
enough?”
And it was. By Ian’s logic, at least. From what he knew and understood, guys didn’t kiss their best friends just to prove a point. As much
as he didn’t want to believe it, Anthony loved him, too. He was terrified of being hurt in the long run, but he knew now that keeping
secrets wasn’t any way to live. All it did was hurt the people around him. Anthony, Melanie, hell, even Kalel, if he was being totally
honest.
But most of all, it had hurt himself.
Maybe, just maybe, if he had told Anthony the way he felt years ago, he would have never dated and scorned Melanie and maybe she would have found Mark years earlier. Maybe Kalel wouldn’t have turned out to do something so Godawful in the name of love. Maybe he would’ve never attempted suicide. And maybe, just maybe, Anthony would have loved him back then, too.
And maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t have worked out at all. Perhaps things were truly meant to happen this way. After all, the pain had led to good things for Anthony, Melanie, and himself. As for Kalel, well, Ian didn’t really give a damn.
However, to Ian, all that mattered now was Anthony, his Anthony, that was looking at him as if he were an angel. The way he’d always wanted him to look at him.
He smiled back at Anthony, blushing and unsure of what to do now. He waited for Anthony to speak first, since Anthony was the more of
a talker of the two.
“I don’t know where this is going,” Anthony pointed out, “and I don’t know what will happen to Smosh...But here’s what I do know. We
have this house. We have the Smosh Games crew, who will love and support us no matter what. We have Melanie. We have seventeen
million subscribers, so what if we lose a couple million?”
Ian chuckled.
Anthony’s chocolate brown eyes sparkled into Ian’s baby blue ones as he finished his spiel. “Most importantly, we have each other. And
one thing’s for certain, Ian, and that’s that I love you. You never have to worry about me ever leaving you because it won’t happen, okay?”
Ian nodded. “I know. I’ll never leave you, either. I love you, too.”
Though the majority of their future was uncertain, it didn’t matter to either one of the Smosh boys. Because as Anthony took Ian’s hand,
both of them knew that one thing was certain.
They had each other and that was all that mattered.
Or read it on my journal!
Pairings: Ian/Anthony -- one-sided, Anthony/Kalel.
Summary: Anthony is getting married and he couldn't be happier. That is, until he discovers the downward spiral that Ian is going down.
Ratings/Warnings: PG-13; Angst, one-sided, slash, language, a little fluff at the end.
A/N: This is wayyyy overdue. Technically, this is the last chapter, although there is a smutty last chapter that I will post *wink, wink.*
Previous chapters: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10
It was a five hour drive back to Sacramento, one that he, on any other occasion, would have been reluctant to make, especially considering that he’d done it only hours before.
After leaving Melanie’s, he’d driven back to LA, and after his argument with Kalel, he headed back to Sacramento to see Ian. After all, from what he’d heard from Melanie after his incident with his soon-to-be ex-wife, Ian should have been home by the time he got there. It required him driving into the wee hours of the night, but Anthony didn’t mind at all.
Anthony had literally never felt so happy in his entire life. He knew that he still had a lot of discussing to do with Ian, but he was beyond
certain that he loved him, too. There were a lot of things to consider, but Anthony was confident.
Which was why it didn’t make much sense for him to be so nervous when he walked up the drive of the Smosh house. After all, Ian was
still his best friend, and more importantly, Ian loved him, too. So why was he so nervous?
Because there’s still uncertainty, Anthony thought, raising his hand to knock on the door. Even if I do tell Ian how I feel, what will be his
reply? And if he does want to be with me, what will happen to Smosh? And then there’s the fact that I’m still married to Kalel.
But he knocked, sighing in relief when he heard the sound of shuffling feet. He bit his lip, highly anticipating seeing Ian.
The door swung open and Anthony saw that Ian was clad in a T-shirt and plaid pajama pants, but his face was cleanly-shaven and his
hair was neat.
Must’ve just gotten home and changed, Anthony guessed.
“Anthony?” Ian asked, bewildered, “what are you doing here?”
Anthony smiled at him. “Can I come in first?”
Moving out of the way, Ian replied, “duh, it’s the Smosh house.”
Anthony chuckled and stepped into the house. Ian shut the door and looked at Anthony, still puzzled.
“When did you get home?” Anthony asked, settling down on the leather sofa.
“About an hour ago,” Ian replied, “so...what’s up?”
Anthony hesitated. This would be the difficult part for him, deciding the best way to let Ian know about everything.
“Melanie said you went over to talk to her today,” Ian went on, Anthony obviously taking too long to respond.
“Yeah,” Anthony replied, “I did.”
“And you yelled at her,” Ian pointed out.
“I did,” Anthony admitted, “but I really wish that I wouldn’t have. I realized that she really didn’t deserve that.”
Ian nodded. “No, she didn’t. I don’t know what it was that you talked about, but whatever it was, she didn’t deserve it.”
“I know that now,” Anthony sighed, “I was just angry at myself and needed someone to blame. I know that what happened to you is my
fault.”
Ian blinked, his heart pounding. “Wh-what? Did Melanie tell you that?”
Anthony shook his head. “No, she didn’t. I...I talked to Kalel instead.”
With that, he stood up and walked over to Ian and threw his arms around him. The moment he did so, Anthony felt a huge relief, but Ian
stiffened.
“You...you did?” Ian asked, awkwardly putting his arms around Anthony.
“Yeah,” Anthony replied, closing his eyes, “and I’m sorry.”
Ian was confused. Not only at Anthony’s apology, but also at his behavior. “Huh? Why are you sorry?”
Anthony pulled away and swallowed hard. “She...She told me everything. About how she said you were pathetic. That she told you to
kill yourself.”
Ian’s face fell. “Oh...Sh-she did, did she?”
“That was a horrible thing to say,” Anthony continued, “I can’t believe she did that! And even more so, I can’t believe you went through
with it.”
Ian opened his mouth to reply, but Anthony stopped him.
“Ian, you’re my best friend. I love you and you are the most important person in the world to me, don’t you get that?” His eyes began to
shine with unshed tears.
“I-”
Anthony looked up at him. “I’m so sorry, Ian. For never knowing how you felt about me.”
Ian’s eyes widened and he stepped back, as if he’d been pushed. “Anthony, wh-what are you talking about?”
“Ian, I know how you feel and it’s okay because-”
A look of utter terror flashed across Ian’s face. “No! No!” Before Anthony could react, Ian had ran down the hallway and to his bedroom,
slamming the door and locking it behind him.
“Ian!” Anthony called out, trotting after him. He knocked on Ian’s door, awaiting a reply.
“I’m not gonna talk so you might as well leave!” Ian shouted.
Anthony leaned his forehead against the door, sighing. “Ian, really! It’s all right! Can we please talk?!”
When Ian didn’t respond, Anthony began to panic. “Ian, please don’t do this again! I can’t handle you shutting me out!”
Ian did not reply and Anthony burst into tears, loud sobs emanating throughout the walls. He was surprised that he’d begun to cry and at
this level, too. He’d dealt with Ian totally turning a blind eye to him before and it was the most difficult thing he’d ever done. He simply
wouldn’t do it again.
As Anthony slid down the wall, tears still springing from his eyes, Ian was getting up from his bed and walking toward the door. At the
sound of Anthony’s cries, his heart had begun to ache and he just couldn’t take it. Whatever embarrassment and shame he had bottled
up would have to be tossed aside. He loved Anthony too much to see him suffer.
Cautiously, he opened the door. To the left of the wall, Anthony sat, crumpled into somewhat of a ball. He sat with his knees up to his
chest, his arms tucked in and wrapped around his head. He was trembling and soft, muffled sobs were spreading throughout the
hallway. He bent down beside his friend, heart pounding.
“Ant,” he whispered, pulling him close to him, “shh, it’s okay. I’m here now.”
Anthony sniffed and looked up at Ian with shiny eyes.
Ian gave him a soft smile. “Sorry about that.”
He was relieved when Anthony slightly chuckled. He wiped at his eyes and replied, “you can’t do that anymore, man. You scared the
shit out of me last time.”
“I know,” Ian sighed, pressing his forehead against Anthony’s shoulder, “and I’m sorry.”
Anthony snorted. “You’re sorry? Ian, I should be the one saying sorry. I’m the biggest asshole in the history of assholes!”
Ian frowned. “Huh?”
Anthony let out a long, drawn out breath. “Kalel is a horrible, disgusting person and I can’t believe she told you to...you know.” He
couldn’t bring himself to say those dreaded words. “Doesn’t she know how important you are to Smosh? The Smosh Games Crew?” He
looked straight into Ian’s eyes, “to me?”
Ian blushed. “I...I guess not.”
Anthony continued. “I threw my ring at her. I’m going to divorce her as soon as possible. But you know what?”
“What?” Ian asked.
“I can’t bring myself to hate her,” Anthony replied, looking down.
“Why?” Ian asked, then he gulped, “do you still love her?”
Anthony snickered. “Hell no! But she made me realize who I am and who I was always supposed to be with.” He shrugged. “The person that’s been in front of me almost my whole life, waiting for me to realize it.”
Ian swallowed. “Who is it?”
Anthony smiled at him. “Dude, it’s you, Ian. Who else would it be?”
The blue-eyed man was taken aback. How could have Anthony have ‘realized that he loved him and that he loved him back in a span of
less than twenty-four hours? It simply wasn’t possibly. “No!” he exclaimed, “You just think that because I almost died. You don’t really
love me.”
Anthony frowned at Ian. “I do, too, Ian. I just didn’t know it because of Kalel.”
“Exactly,” Ian retorted, “once you realized Kalel wasn’t a good person anymore, you decided that you loved me instead because you
knew I loved you. You still love Kalel, you just don’t want to be with her.”
“No!” Anthony shook his head, “Goddammit Ian, what can I do to make you believe me?!”
Ian sighed. “There’s no way to make me beli-”
Before Ian could reply, Anthony had pressed his lips against Ian’s, shoving the other man against the white walls. At first, Ian released a
soft, startled sound from his lips, but soon enough, he kissed back, long enough to forget his argument.
Too soon, Anthony had pulled away, leaning his forehead against Ian’s, both of their hearts pounding a mile a minute. “That proof
enough?”
And it was. By Ian’s logic, at least. From what he knew and understood, guys didn’t kiss their best friends just to prove a point. As much
as he didn’t want to believe it, Anthony loved him, too. He was terrified of being hurt in the long run, but he knew now that keeping
secrets wasn’t any way to live. All it did was hurt the people around him. Anthony, Melanie, hell, even Kalel, if he was being totally
honest.
But most of all, it had hurt himself.
Maybe, just maybe, if he had told Anthony the way he felt years ago, he would have never dated and scorned Melanie and maybe she would have found Mark years earlier. Maybe Kalel wouldn’t have turned out to do something so Godawful in the name of love. Maybe he would’ve never attempted suicide. And maybe, just maybe, Anthony would have loved him back then, too.
And maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t have worked out at all. Perhaps things were truly meant to happen this way. After all, the pain had led to good things for Anthony, Melanie, and himself. As for Kalel, well, Ian didn’t really give a damn.
However, to Ian, all that mattered now was Anthony, his Anthony, that was looking at him as if he were an angel. The way he’d always wanted him to look at him.
He smiled back at Anthony, blushing and unsure of what to do now. He waited for Anthony to speak first, since Anthony was the more of
a talker of the two.
“I don’t know where this is going,” Anthony pointed out, “and I don’t know what will happen to Smosh...But here’s what I do know. We
have this house. We have the Smosh Games crew, who will love and support us no matter what. We have Melanie. We have seventeen
million subscribers, so what if we lose a couple million?”
Ian chuckled.
Anthony’s chocolate brown eyes sparkled into Ian’s baby blue ones as he finished his spiel. “Most importantly, we have each other. And
one thing’s for certain, Ian, and that’s that I love you. You never have to worry about me ever leaving you because it won’t happen, okay?”
Ian nodded. “I know. I’ll never leave you, either. I love you, too.”
Though the majority of their future was uncertain, it didn’t matter to either one of the Smosh boys. Because as Anthony took Ian’s hand,
both of them knew that one thing was certain.
They had each other and that was all that mattered.
Or read it on my journal!