(no subject)
Title: Let The Walls Come Down [2/5]
Author: Megan aka ianplanet
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth/Jack Barakat
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Don't own these boys. title goes too The Summer Set cut to Parachute
Warning: Contains abuse/bulimia.
A/N: i'm feeling nice today so here's part two. loved the feedback on the first chapter you guys are perf.
masterpost
Alex stared down at the toilet bowl as he watched it swirl, taking away the contents of his now empty stomach. He wiped away the stray tears that had fallen down his cheek and grabbed his tooth brush, wanting the acidic taste of bile out of his mouth.
Alex sighed as he saw his reflection in the mirror. He hated what he saw, hated everything about it. He was fat, ugly and worthless. He turned away from the mirror, resisting the urge to throw-up once again.
He was hating school already. But that wasn’t news at all. One week and he’s already wanted to drop out over 50 times. But he promised his mother he’d try. Try to be happy, try to make some friends. He was already breaking that promise.
He started the 15 minute walk to school, the cold fall air biting at his skin. As he walked he cursed himself for how his bones ached from the lack of strength he had. No matter how much he worked out, he was still weak. He just needed to work out more, he told himself.
Eventually Alex arrived at school, just in time. The bell rang as he stepped through the door, his head down and eyes on his shoes. He heard the whispers around him. He could hear in his head exactly what they were talking about. How huge he was, how unattractive he was. The whispers followed him all the way to English class.
After sitting down, he walked in, his two friends in tow behind him. Alex averted his eyes as soon as he could, not wanting Jack to know he was looking at him. He was attractive, Alex could admit that. But there was something about him that scared Alex. He wasn’t scared of Jack, far from it. It was what Jack did to him. The butterflies and shivers he got when he looked at him and talked to him.
That’s what scared him.
There’s no possible way someone like Jack would ever be slightly interested in someone as disgusting as Alex. Alex needed to get over this infatuation, and soon.
-&-
Jack and Alex both sat in English class the next week, both their eyes on the teacher who was currently explaining the ‘big’ project they were going to start. Jack didn’t really pay attention to what she was saying, the only words he heard were ‘partners’ and ‘my choice’ which caused a collective groan throughout his English class. Alex’s breath caught in his throat at the thought of working with a partner. He prayed he would get stuck with someone who could stand to be around him for more then a few minutes.
Jack rolled his eyes at the teacher’s words. Knowing his luck he would get paired with someone who thinks he’s hot shit and wants into his pants. Sure Jack liked to get laid, who didn’t? But he didn’t go around sleeping with everything that threw themselves at him. He had some respect for himself. Matt leaned over to him and whispered in his ear.
“Twenty bucks says one of us is going to be stuck with the new kid, Alex or whatever.” He mumbled. Jack laughed lightly, agreeing with him. Teacher’s thought since they were on sports teams they could help the new kids become more ‘integrated’ with school.
“Okay when I say your names please move to a desk closer to your partner and then push the two desks together. You’ll be sitting with the person for the respective amount of time it takes to work on this project, which will probably lead into early January. So yes, you will be expected to work on this over Christmas break.” The teacher yelled out over the small conversations happening all over the room. Alex’s breathing almost stopped completely at that.
“Matt Flyzik and Lisa Ruocco.” Matt groaned quietly, daring to take a look at Lisa. She was the captain of the cheerleading team and one of Jack’s ex’s. To say that relationship ended badly would be an understatement. Lisa hated Jack and anyone who associated themselves with him. Jack gave Matt a hopeful look as he slowly moved to sit beside Lisa, who just shot Jack a glare.
“Danny Kurily and Ian Planet.” Danny looked around confused, until he saw some kid with puffy hair waving his hand at him from the back of the classroom. Danny raised an eyebrow and looked back at Jack.
“Well hello attractive.” He mumbled with a wink before walking over to this Ian kid. Jack barely remembers him, thinking he might be the captain of the lacrosse team. But he wasn’t sure.
Alex held his breath as the teacher slowly finished calling out every ones names, while Jack sat silently waiting for his name to be called and the empty desk beside him to be filled. Eventually the teacher called his name.
“Jack Barakat and Alex Gaskarth.” She said, Jack looked at the back of Alex’s head. Alex stopped jiggling his legs long enough to try and catch his breath. He quickly stood up and moved back to where Jack was sitting. He sat down and pushed his desk till it was touching Jack’s, then Alex resumed the bouncing of his legs, not even realizing he was doing it. Jack smiled lightly, the action not annoying him one bit. He found it cute, actually.
What was happening to him.
“Okay, the sheets telling you what the outline of the project is on are being passed around, you will choose a topic and then start working immediately.” Everyone eventually had a sheet in their hand, small conversations filling the room as people discussed what they wished to work on.
Jack turned so he was facing Alex more, who was staring at the paper in front of him, eyes wandering over it quicker then Jack could ever hope to read. Jack picked up his own paper and skimmed it.
“So basically, all we have to do is pick a topic and write a paper on it together?” Jack spoke after. Alex just barely nodded his head beside him, avoiding eye contact. Jack sighed.
“Look, if you’re not going to talk to me during this whole thing then I really don’t want to be your partner.” Jack mumbled out, he’s tried to be nice to this kid, but he’s only been here two weeks and he’s already being a huge douche to Jack. Alex winced at the voice Jack used, it was harsh and he sounded fed up with Alex.
“I’m sorry, I-I’m just shy. I have a hard time being comfortable around people.” Alex mumbled out turning so he could look at Jack briefly. Jack saw the fear in Alex’s eyes and felt bad for snapping on the boy.
“Don’t be sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped like I did. It must not be easy being new, huh?” Jack asked. Alex nodded his head, eyes going back to staring at his desk as he spoke.
“What topic do you want to work on?” Alex mumbled. Jack ginned, having choose the topic he wanted to do before he was even assigned a partner.
“Music.” Jack said with a big smile. Alex looked at him, his eyebrow raised at the boy.
“What? Just because I play sport doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy music.” Jack said with a grin. Alex blushed, knowing that it was rude to assume Jack didn’t listen to music.
“Music’s a good choice.” Alex said lightly. Jack grinned again, deciding he might as well try to have some form of friendship with the boy. Alex watched Jack get up to go talk to the teacher, telling her what their topic will be. He let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding and sighed. Alex just really hoped he wouldn’t fuck this up.
-&-
Jack didn’t show up to school the following Monday. Or Tuesday. Wednesday also. Alex was worried. He told himself he was only worried because of the project but he knew it wasn’t that. He was worried that something had happened to Jack.
After they were first assigned to be partners, Alex had let his walls come down slightly. He didn’t know why, Jack would probably leave him like everyone else. But there was something about Jack that Alex was drawn to, it’s been a long time since Alex has felt that way about anyone. So he just let himself enjoy it while he still could.
“Alex?” Alex’s head snapped up from where he was staring at the sidewalk on his walk home. He looked over to the road to see Jack sitting there in a car, window rolled down and eyes on Alex. Alex felt a blush creep up his cheeks from the way Jack was staring at him, which caused Jack to smile lightly.
“Get in.” Jack said, pushing open the side door. Alex did as he was told, sliding into the passenger seat and sighing as the heat of the car engulfed him. It was already December first. The Maryland weather was getting colder and colder each day.
Jack continued driving his car, Alex had no clue where they were going but he didn’t really care. He was warm and with someone he could call a friend. He was almost happy. Jack didn’t speak the whole time they were in the car, choosing to focus on driving. When he finally stopped, Alex realized they were at a small little coffee shop. His eyes widened in fear slightly.
“Come on.” Jack mumbled, turning the car off and getting out. Alex slowly followed, sighing as the cold air bit at his face once again. When they arrived inside, Jack choose a table near the windows. It had two seats, which each boy sat in across from each other.
“Sorry I’ve been away. Family stuff,” Jack mumbled. A waitress walked over to them, eyes glued to Alex, a smirk on her face.
“Hey there love, what can I get you?” She said with a flirtatious smile. Alex looked down at his hands, mumbling out his order.
“Coffee, black.” The girl let out a small huff, obviously getting the idea she wasn’t going to get anywhere with Alex. Jack snorted after the girl walked away with Jacks order, a large coffee two sugars, two creams.
“Are you okay?” Alex asked eyes barely meeting Jacks. He pulled his sweater around his body tighter, hands together picking at his barely there nails. Jack watched him as he almost made his hands bleed from the force he was picking at them with. Lightly he placed his hand on top of Alex’s, stopping him immediately.
“I’m fine, like I said just family stuff. You okay?” Jack asked softly. Alex pulled his hands away, choosing to wrap his sleeves around them and place them on his lap. He ignored the look of disappointment on Jack’s face and just nodded his head. The waitress came back over, that smile back on her face. She placed their drinks in front of them, Alex’s having writing on the side of his.
She sent him a smile and a wink, then left them alone again. Jack was biting on his lip, trying not to laugh at how uncomfortable Alex looked.
“Not your type?” Jack asked a small laugh slipping past his lips. Alex mumbled out something but Jack didn’t hear him.
“Hmm?” Jack asked leaning in closer, hands wrapping around his hot drink.
“I’m gay.” Alex mumbled again, a little louder this time. Jack just nodded, no surprise or disgust on his face.
“Oh cool. My best friend Zack is gay, and I’m pretty sure my friends Matt, Danny and Grieco are too. Who ever said sport players were all homophobes really had it wrong.” Jack said with a laugh. Alex smiled lightly, taking his drink and bringing it to his lips. Jack watched him unknowingly, he just found him so interesting.
“You’d really like my friends, you should hangout with all of us sometime! We all usually go over to Rian’s on Saturday’s and play some video games.” Jack said a smile on his face. Alex shook his head quickly.
“It’s okay, I don’t want to intrude,” Alex mumbled once again. Jack smiled at the boy.
“Come on, it’ll be fun. Besides we have to hang out sometime soon anyways, need to work on that project.” Jack said thoughtfully. Alex nodded, they did need to start working.
“Are you busy today?” Alex asked, Jack thought for a minute. Then shook his head ‘no’. He didn’t care about what his dad would do to him when he got home, he wanted to spend some time with Alex.
“You can come to my house if you want. My mom is working late at the hospital tonight.” Alex mumbled around his cup. Jack grinned, thankful he wouldn’t have to tell the boy no to going to his house. The finished their drinks and soon Jack had pulled up in front of Alex’s home. It was nice, nothing too big or too small. It was just a normal house.
Jack followed Alex into his house, copying him as he kicked off his shoes and removed his jacket from around his body. Jack tried not to stare at how skinny the boy was, he didn’t think it could be healthy to be that tall and skinny.
Alex didn’t say anything as he walked down a hallway into what Jack assumed to be his room. He walked over to his bed and sat down, gesturing for Jack to join him, so the boy did. Then he got an idea.
“So we’ve know each other for how long? A little over two weeks? And I know absolutely nothing about you except your first name. So before we start, lets play a little game of twenty questions.” Jack said with a bright smile on his face. Alex hesitated for a minute, thinking of the questions Jack could possibly ask him. But then he nodded.
“Okay I’ll start.” Jack mumbled a thoughtful look on his face. He knew the questions he wanted to ask. ‘Why’d you move here’ and ‘Why are you so skinny’ but he didn’t think Alex would enjoy those questions very much. Alex watched Jack as he thought of a question, he had his own question for Jack, so he accidentally blurted it out.
“Are you gay?” Alex said. His eyes went wide after, hands flying up to cover his mouth. Jack just started laughing, no anger on his face at all.
“Don’t worry, Lex. I’m not going to get mad at you for asking me a question. That’s the whole point of this game.” Jack said with a grin. Alex felt himself blushing at the nickname Jack had given him. Lex. He liked it.
“So... Are you?” Alex asked again. Jack looked at Alex, eyes trailing over his face. From his eyes to his nose then his lips. He wasn’t going to deny how attractive the boy was, it was obvious.
Jack never really thought of the answer to this question. He’s been with plenty of girls and a guy or two, but he’s never actual sat down and thought about whether he was gay or not.
“Wouldn’t be surprised if I was.” Was all Jack said. Alex just nodded, the butterflies erupting in his stomach once more. What was this boy doing to him?
-&-
Author: Megan aka ianplanet
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth/Jack Barakat
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Don't own these boys. title goes too The Summer Set cut to Parachute
Warning: Contains abuse/bulimia.
A/N: i'm feeling nice today so here's part two. loved the feedback on the first chapter you guys are perf.
masterpost
Alex stared down at the toilet bowl as he watched it swirl, taking away the contents of his now empty stomach. He wiped away the stray tears that had fallen down his cheek and grabbed his tooth brush, wanting the acidic taste of bile out of his mouth.
Alex sighed as he saw his reflection in the mirror. He hated what he saw, hated everything about it. He was fat, ugly and worthless. He turned away from the mirror, resisting the urge to throw-up once again.
He was hating school already. But that wasn’t news at all. One week and he’s already wanted to drop out over 50 times. But he promised his mother he’d try. Try to be happy, try to make some friends. He was already breaking that promise.
He started the 15 minute walk to school, the cold fall air biting at his skin. As he walked he cursed himself for how his bones ached from the lack of strength he had. No matter how much he worked out, he was still weak. He just needed to work out more, he told himself.
Eventually Alex arrived at school, just in time. The bell rang as he stepped through the door, his head down and eyes on his shoes. He heard the whispers around him. He could hear in his head exactly what they were talking about. How huge he was, how unattractive he was. The whispers followed him all the way to English class.
After sitting down, he walked in, his two friends in tow behind him. Alex averted his eyes as soon as he could, not wanting Jack to know he was looking at him. He was attractive, Alex could admit that. But there was something about him that scared Alex. He wasn’t scared of Jack, far from it. It was what Jack did to him. The butterflies and shivers he got when he looked at him and talked to him.
That’s what scared him.
There’s no possible way someone like Jack would ever be slightly interested in someone as disgusting as Alex. Alex needed to get over this infatuation, and soon.
-&-
Jack and Alex both sat in English class the next week, both their eyes on the teacher who was currently explaining the ‘big’ project they were going to start. Jack didn’t really pay attention to what she was saying, the only words he heard were ‘partners’ and ‘my choice’ which caused a collective groan throughout his English class. Alex’s breath caught in his throat at the thought of working with a partner. He prayed he would get stuck with someone who could stand to be around him for more then a few minutes.
Jack rolled his eyes at the teacher’s words. Knowing his luck he would get paired with someone who thinks he’s hot shit and wants into his pants. Sure Jack liked to get laid, who didn’t? But he didn’t go around sleeping with everything that threw themselves at him. He had some respect for himself. Matt leaned over to him and whispered in his ear.
“Twenty bucks says one of us is going to be stuck with the new kid, Alex or whatever.” He mumbled. Jack laughed lightly, agreeing with him. Teacher’s thought since they were on sports teams they could help the new kids become more ‘integrated’ with school.
“Okay when I say your names please move to a desk closer to your partner and then push the two desks together. You’ll be sitting with the person for the respective amount of time it takes to work on this project, which will probably lead into early January. So yes, you will be expected to work on this over Christmas break.” The teacher yelled out over the small conversations happening all over the room. Alex’s breathing almost stopped completely at that.
“Matt Flyzik and Lisa Ruocco.” Matt groaned quietly, daring to take a look at Lisa. She was the captain of the cheerleading team and one of Jack’s ex’s. To say that relationship ended badly would be an understatement. Lisa hated Jack and anyone who associated themselves with him. Jack gave Matt a hopeful look as he slowly moved to sit beside Lisa, who just shot Jack a glare.
“Danny Kurily and Ian Planet.” Danny looked around confused, until he saw some kid with puffy hair waving his hand at him from the back of the classroom. Danny raised an eyebrow and looked back at Jack.
“Well hello attractive.” He mumbled with a wink before walking over to this Ian kid. Jack barely remembers him, thinking he might be the captain of the lacrosse team. But he wasn’t sure.
Alex held his breath as the teacher slowly finished calling out every ones names, while Jack sat silently waiting for his name to be called and the empty desk beside him to be filled. Eventually the teacher called his name.
“Jack Barakat and Alex Gaskarth.” She said, Jack looked at the back of Alex’s head. Alex stopped jiggling his legs long enough to try and catch his breath. He quickly stood up and moved back to where Jack was sitting. He sat down and pushed his desk till it was touching Jack’s, then Alex resumed the bouncing of his legs, not even realizing he was doing it. Jack smiled lightly, the action not annoying him one bit. He found it cute, actually.
What was happening to him.
“Okay, the sheets telling you what the outline of the project is on are being passed around, you will choose a topic and then start working immediately.” Everyone eventually had a sheet in their hand, small conversations filling the room as people discussed what they wished to work on.
Jack turned so he was facing Alex more, who was staring at the paper in front of him, eyes wandering over it quicker then Jack could ever hope to read. Jack picked up his own paper and skimmed it.
“So basically, all we have to do is pick a topic and write a paper on it together?” Jack spoke after. Alex just barely nodded his head beside him, avoiding eye contact. Jack sighed.
“Look, if you’re not going to talk to me during this whole thing then I really don’t want to be your partner.” Jack mumbled out, he’s tried to be nice to this kid, but he’s only been here two weeks and he’s already being a huge douche to Jack. Alex winced at the voice Jack used, it was harsh and he sounded fed up with Alex.
“I’m sorry, I-I’m just shy. I have a hard time being comfortable around people.” Alex mumbled out turning so he could look at Jack briefly. Jack saw the fear in Alex’s eyes and felt bad for snapping on the boy.
“Don’t be sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped like I did. It must not be easy being new, huh?” Jack asked. Alex nodded his head, eyes going back to staring at his desk as he spoke.
“What topic do you want to work on?” Alex mumbled. Jack ginned, having choose the topic he wanted to do before he was even assigned a partner.
“Music.” Jack said with a big smile. Alex looked at him, his eyebrow raised at the boy.
“What? Just because I play sport doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy music.” Jack said with a grin. Alex blushed, knowing that it was rude to assume Jack didn’t listen to music.
“Music’s a good choice.” Alex said lightly. Jack grinned again, deciding he might as well try to have some form of friendship with the boy. Alex watched Jack get up to go talk to the teacher, telling her what their topic will be. He let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding and sighed. Alex just really hoped he wouldn’t fuck this up.
-&-
Jack didn’t show up to school the following Monday. Or Tuesday. Wednesday also. Alex was worried. He told himself he was only worried because of the project but he knew it wasn’t that. He was worried that something had happened to Jack.
After they were first assigned to be partners, Alex had let his walls come down slightly. He didn’t know why, Jack would probably leave him like everyone else. But there was something about Jack that Alex was drawn to, it’s been a long time since Alex has felt that way about anyone. So he just let himself enjoy it while he still could.
“Alex?” Alex’s head snapped up from where he was staring at the sidewalk on his walk home. He looked over to the road to see Jack sitting there in a car, window rolled down and eyes on Alex. Alex felt a blush creep up his cheeks from the way Jack was staring at him, which caused Jack to smile lightly.
“Get in.” Jack said, pushing open the side door. Alex did as he was told, sliding into the passenger seat and sighing as the heat of the car engulfed him. It was already December first. The Maryland weather was getting colder and colder each day.
Jack continued driving his car, Alex had no clue where they were going but he didn’t really care. He was warm and with someone he could call a friend. He was almost happy. Jack didn’t speak the whole time they were in the car, choosing to focus on driving. When he finally stopped, Alex realized they were at a small little coffee shop. His eyes widened in fear slightly.
“Come on.” Jack mumbled, turning the car off and getting out. Alex slowly followed, sighing as the cold air bit at his face once again. When they arrived inside, Jack choose a table near the windows. It had two seats, which each boy sat in across from each other.
“Sorry I’ve been away. Family stuff,” Jack mumbled. A waitress walked over to them, eyes glued to Alex, a smirk on her face.
“Hey there love, what can I get you?” She said with a flirtatious smile. Alex looked down at his hands, mumbling out his order.
“Coffee, black.” The girl let out a small huff, obviously getting the idea she wasn’t going to get anywhere with Alex. Jack snorted after the girl walked away with Jacks order, a large coffee two sugars, two creams.
“Are you okay?” Alex asked eyes barely meeting Jacks. He pulled his sweater around his body tighter, hands together picking at his barely there nails. Jack watched him as he almost made his hands bleed from the force he was picking at them with. Lightly he placed his hand on top of Alex’s, stopping him immediately.
“I’m fine, like I said just family stuff. You okay?” Jack asked softly. Alex pulled his hands away, choosing to wrap his sleeves around them and place them on his lap. He ignored the look of disappointment on Jack’s face and just nodded his head. The waitress came back over, that smile back on her face. She placed their drinks in front of them, Alex’s having writing on the side of his.
She sent him a smile and a wink, then left them alone again. Jack was biting on his lip, trying not to laugh at how uncomfortable Alex looked.
“Not your type?” Jack asked a small laugh slipping past his lips. Alex mumbled out something but Jack didn’t hear him.
“Hmm?” Jack asked leaning in closer, hands wrapping around his hot drink.
“I’m gay.” Alex mumbled again, a little louder this time. Jack just nodded, no surprise or disgust on his face.
“Oh cool. My best friend Zack is gay, and I’m pretty sure my friends Matt, Danny and Grieco are too. Who ever said sport players were all homophobes really had it wrong.” Jack said with a laugh. Alex smiled lightly, taking his drink and bringing it to his lips. Jack watched him unknowingly, he just found him so interesting.
“You’d really like my friends, you should hangout with all of us sometime! We all usually go over to Rian’s on Saturday’s and play some video games.” Jack said a smile on his face. Alex shook his head quickly.
“It’s okay, I don’t want to intrude,” Alex mumbled once again. Jack smiled at the boy.
“Come on, it’ll be fun. Besides we have to hang out sometime soon anyways, need to work on that project.” Jack said thoughtfully. Alex nodded, they did need to start working.
“Are you busy today?” Alex asked, Jack thought for a minute. Then shook his head ‘no’. He didn’t care about what his dad would do to him when he got home, he wanted to spend some time with Alex.
“You can come to my house if you want. My mom is working late at the hospital tonight.” Alex mumbled around his cup. Jack grinned, thankful he wouldn’t have to tell the boy no to going to his house. The finished their drinks and soon Jack had pulled up in front of Alex’s home. It was nice, nothing too big or too small. It was just a normal house.
Jack followed Alex into his house, copying him as he kicked off his shoes and removed his jacket from around his body. Jack tried not to stare at how skinny the boy was, he didn’t think it could be healthy to be that tall and skinny.
Alex didn’t say anything as he walked down a hallway into what Jack assumed to be his room. He walked over to his bed and sat down, gesturing for Jack to join him, so the boy did. Then he got an idea.
“So we’ve know each other for how long? A little over two weeks? And I know absolutely nothing about you except your first name. So before we start, lets play a little game of twenty questions.” Jack said with a bright smile on his face. Alex hesitated for a minute, thinking of the questions Jack could possibly ask him. But then he nodded.
“Okay I’ll start.” Jack mumbled a thoughtful look on his face. He knew the questions he wanted to ask. ‘Why’d you move here’ and ‘Why are you so skinny’ but he didn’t think Alex would enjoy those questions very much. Alex watched Jack as he thought of a question, he had his own question for Jack, so he accidentally blurted it out.
“Are you gay?” Alex said. His eyes went wide after, hands flying up to cover his mouth. Jack just started laughing, no anger on his face at all.
“Don’t worry, Lex. I’m not going to get mad at you for asking me a question. That’s the whole point of this game.” Jack said with a grin. Alex felt himself blushing at the nickname Jack had given him. Lex. He liked it.
“So... Are you?” Alex asked again. Jack looked at Alex, eyes trailing over his face. From his eyes to his nose then his lips. He wasn’t going to deny how attractive the boy was, it was obvious.
Jack never really thought of the answer to this question. He’s been with plenty of girls and a guy or two, but he’s never actual sat down and thought about whether he was gay or not.
“Wouldn’t be surprised if I was.” Was all Jack said. Alex just nodded, the butterflies erupting in his stomach once more. What was this boy doing to him?
-&-