uncomfortably numb?
hannah's last post got me thinking...although about what is just a big mess so i'll try to lay it out in simple terms.
well, as kel and i would say, i lately feel..like a MIX-OH-SHIT. (hand motions included).
i've seriously changed over the years.
i'd summarize it as:
-frosh: weirdo rockery no-friends-until-the-end-of-the-year year
-soph: stuco intense, swimming intense, scared and lonely year (but with friends this time (haha))
-junior: classwork-grueling, FUN, slightly awkward year
-2006!!: care-free, eeextra-goofy, cleaned up, emotionally lost year
i think i've just come to the realization that even with all the tons of shit i've done with my 4 years, i've totally missed some key things that i really would enjoy.
for starters: TMA. show choir? yes. persuing singing and such? yes.
why did i never do these things?
people told me i shouldn't. mostly my family.
which is stupid shit. i've resolved to never not do something just because my family questions it. ever. seriously. i don't blame them, i just wish they were more supportive. just in general. even when i told my family that i was going to do chorus opposite my internship next semester, my mom simply said "ohh great another concert i have to sit through."
i know she didn't mean it to come out like that and that she loves me and all, but that really hurts my feelings. although to her, i should just "toughen up." gimme a break, ma. maybe i was semi-interested in this...i'm not sure that she ever stopped to consider that.
i told my parents a while ago i didn't want to do bay state anymore. i just can't take the swimming with 8 year olds for hours each day, wasting my time and my parents' to get dragged to meets in east-you-know-what only to dissappoint myself with bad times. i've plateued for a year now...it's time to move on i think.
fed up, yes. but much as hannah described, this whole year just seems like a blur to me. i think it's because upon looking back on the things i've done and my entire high school career, upon asking myself, "did i make it good?" the answer is a reluctant "not quite."
not quite isn't good enough.
well, as kel and i would say, i lately feel..like a MIX-OH-SHIT. (hand motions included).
i've seriously changed over the years.
i'd summarize it as:
-frosh: weirdo rockery no-friends-until-the-end-of-the-year year
-soph: stuco intense, swimming intense, scared and lonely year (but with friends this time (haha))
-junior: classwork-grueling, FUN, slightly awkward year
-2006!!: care-free, eeextra-goofy, cleaned up, emotionally lost year
i think i've just come to the realization that even with all the tons of shit i've done with my 4 years, i've totally missed some key things that i really would enjoy.
for starters: TMA. show choir? yes. persuing singing and such? yes.
why did i never do these things?
people told me i shouldn't. mostly my family.
which is stupid shit. i've resolved to never not do something just because my family questions it. ever. seriously. i don't blame them, i just wish they were more supportive. just in general. even when i told my family that i was going to do chorus opposite my internship next semester, my mom simply said "ohh great another concert i have to sit through."
i know she didn't mean it to come out like that and that she loves me and all, but that really hurts my feelings. although to her, i should just "toughen up." gimme a break, ma. maybe i was semi-interested in this...i'm not sure that she ever stopped to consider that.
i told my parents a while ago i didn't want to do bay state anymore. i just can't take the swimming with 8 year olds for hours each day, wasting my time and my parents' to get dragged to meets in east-you-know-what only to dissappoint myself with bad times. i've plateued for a year now...it's time to move on i think.
fed up, yes. but much as hannah described, this whole year just seems like a blur to me. i think it's because upon looking back on the things i've done and my entire high school career, upon asking myself, "did i make it good?" the answer is a reluctant "not quite."
not quite isn't good enough.