A Night with Ian
Hello! I didn’t see you there! Come on in- yes, you. Have a seat right over there, on that big, comfortable, leather sofa. Aww, where do I begin! There’s so much to tell, so little time. Well let’s get started, shall we? There is quite a bit you may learn about me.
My name is Ian Fritz, although some of you may refer to me as, “Ethan”, “Dear John”, and even “Jersey Shore”, I am an aspiring screen writer and methodical collector. What do I collect you may ask? Various items! From shoes to coins, you name it, I collect it. Some may call me such terms as “Hoarder”, or “Shopaholic”, but this is simply not the case. I have many different hobbies which include playing guitar (mostly acoustic these days), long walks on the beach, riverboat gambling, and even helping the needy. Yes, the last one is true, just the other day I shouted at a homeless man to get a job then proceeded to throw an empty bottle at him. Now, if the words of encouragement didn’t jolt him to get back on his feet, then that empty Coke bottle sure did the trick! Well, I’m rambling again. What else do you want to know? What do I do? I work at a deli, my dear friend! I slice cold cuts and present them to customers in a timely fashion. Do I enjoy it? Does a prostitute enjoy what they do? Okay, bad example… Does a professional athlete enjoy their line of work? Heck no! All that money being paid to them to do something they love and, don’t even get me started on the publicity. So I’m sure they’d much rather be in my position; I could be a Basketball player and Kobe Bryant could take my spot in the deli, there, now everyone’s happy.
Where was I? Oh yes, I have a girlfriend. Yes, it’s true, a man as great as me has the ol’ ball and chain. She enjoys the same activities as I, including but not limited to; tandem bike rides, couple’s gossip, cuddling by a fire place, and even the occasional game of Call of Duty! Yes, for as much as I enjoy that video game, and many others, she’s usually there playing it with me. In fact, there’s rarely an instance that we are not together.
Well, that’s it for now, my friends. I will be posting weekly, so feel free to ask me any other questions you wish to know.