(no subject)
For once in my life the situation is reversed, and I'm finding it quite...unpleasant. Everyone close to me is gone. Everything is leaving. I'm leaving too, but always before the seperation came on my terms, in my time. Now I'm still here but I'm alone before I expected it. Before I prepared for it. I really don't have any close friends left. People I can laugh with, yes. People I can talk to, sometimes, yes. But no one that fits the bill like before. Becki is leaving for Brazil tomorrow. Nick is gone from me. We have nothing to say. Today as I sat in his room in our customary silence I wondered if we ever did have anything to say to each other. It seems like we must have...but now we make what seems to be almost obligatory conversation. The only real thing we say is 'I love you'. That's the only real thing I have to say to anyone I guess.
I think I have a problem. I want real conversation, but most people don't hold deep or important conversations all the time. Maybe I feel so lonely because I am incapable of normal conversation...thanks Joe, i think that comment you made, to someone else even, will affect me forever.
I am so overdramatic. My life right now is like scenes from a bad movie, one after another. *rubs her temples* I'm sick, and cold, and all alone. And there is nobody I want. I wanted Nick earlier, and for the first time since we broke up I didn't go back to him for comfort. This time I just stayed alone. I might as well get used to it...and friends or not, I can't cry to Nick forever. He's got enough going on without me complicating his life.
I think I have a problem. I want real conversation, but most people don't hold deep or important conversations all the time. Maybe I feel so lonely because I am incapable of normal conversation...thanks Joe, i think that comment you made, to someone else even, will affect me forever.
I am so overdramatic. My life right now is like scenes from a bad movie, one after another. *rubs her temples* I'm sick, and cold, and all alone. And there is nobody I want. I wanted Nick earlier, and for the first time since we broke up I didn't go back to him for comfort. This time I just stayed alone. I might as well get used to it...and friends or not, I can't cry to Nick forever. He's got enough going on without me complicating his life.