let's play the name game...chuck chuck bo buck banana fana fo...yay!
well here goes #3 in the "changes" series.
i move tomorrow to kansas city and i've come to the decision that (since i kinda get a new slate and a big fresh start) from that point out, i don't wanna go by spyke. at all. when i started at hot topic we weren't allowed to go by nicknames other than ones derived from our legal name. so i was forced to go by ryan. it felt strange at first but then i started another job where i went by ryan and i went on my family vacation where everyone was calling me ryan and it was refreshing and rejuvenating (though strange at first).
i've realized i feel like i've poured too much heart, time, energy and effort into this "spyke" persona...sometimes feeling like there was a person i had to live up to being, a standard i had to meet. it was all wrapped up into this "spyke" persona that i sometimes felt overburdened with.
yeah sure this probably all sounds really lame but i felt pressured a lot of times to be a person or act a way i didn't really feel like being all the time. i had to show up to shows and be the best dancer. i had to always be happy. i had to be and act certain ways that for some reason were expected of me. i don't want that any more. at all.
so please, for the first time in years (or for a lot of you, for the first time ever) take note of this...my name is ryan allen smith. please commit that to memory.
ps--a lot of people promised to come say bye to me tonight and i was hurt by that. i more than enjoyed the company i did share, but being let down on the last time you may see someone til.....who knows???...is ...i dunno the word for it. but it hurts. it kinda sends the message that someone doesn't care if they don't get to see you one last time or ever again...that's a crappy message to receive.
my next update shall come from KC...i leave at 7am in the morning.
i move tomorrow to kansas city and i've come to the decision that (since i kinda get a new slate and a big fresh start) from that point out, i don't wanna go by spyke. at all. when i started at hot topic we weren't allowed to go by nicknames other than ones derived from our legal name. so i was forced to go by ryan. it felt strange at first but then i started another job where i went by ryan and i went on my family vacation where everyone was calling me ryan and it was refreshing and rejuvenating (though strange at first).
i've realized i feel like i've poured too much heart, time, energy and effort into this "spyke" persona...sometimes feeling like there was a person i had to live up to being, a standard i had to meet. it was all wrapped up into this "spyke" persona that i sometimes felt overburdened with.
yeah sure this probably all sounds really lame but i felt pressured a lot of times to be a person or act a way i didn't really feel like being all the time. i had to show up to shows and be the best dancer. i had to always be happy. i had to be and act certain ways that for some reason were expected of me. i don't want that any more. at all.
so please, for the first time in years (or for a lot of you, for the first time ever) take note of this...my name is ryan allen smith. please commit that to memory.
ps--a lot of people promised to come say bye to me tonight and i was hurt by that. i more than enjoyed the company i did share, but being let down on the last time you may see someone til.....who knows???...is ...i dunno the word for it. but it hurts. it kinda sends the message that someone doesn't care if they don't get to see you one last time or ever again...that's a crappy message to receive.
my next update shall come from KC...i leave at 7am in the morning.