Letter to my Mother
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. I know I'm being an immature little brat, and you have no reason to put up with it. I'm so sorry that I can't do simple things. I'm sorry that I'm not more responsible. I'm sorry that I get mad, especially when you're just looking out for me.
I'm really upset right now - upset at myself. I don't like who I am. You deserve a better daughter. In my darkest thoughts, sometimes I feel that everyone's lives would be easier without me. Jess could have a new roommate who cleans more and doesn't constantly seek her approval. Mat could find a girl who deserves him. You could stop worrying about me and look at your happy life with Dan and Jesse. I wouldn't be constantly stripping you of money and pride. I know that these are not good thoughts to be feeling, but sometimes I can't help it. I'm sorry that I'm an excessive, lazy, irresponsible, medicated, overweight little girl. I want to be loved and I want my life to be easy - because it should be. I have a great job, I'm in college - I've been given everything I could ever want. And I waste it. You shouldn't have to deal with my problems. I know you yell because you're frustrated, and confused, and you love me.
I'm looking at my framed picture of the two of us from when I was little, the one where I'm wearing the Minnie Mouse dress and you look beautiful and happy. And I cry. I cry and cry and wish that I could take back every horrible thing I've ever said, every stupid thing I've ever done. I love you, so very much. You are my best friend, and I hope I'm still yours.
I'm really upset right now - upset at myself. I don't like who I am. You deserve a better daughter. In my darkest thoughts, sometimes I feel that everyone's lives would be easier without me. Jess could have a new roommate who cleans more and doesn't constantly seek her approval. Mat could find a girl who deserves him. You could stop worrying about me and look at your happy life with Dan and Jesse. I wouldn't be constantly stripping you of money and pride. I know that these are not good thoughts to be feeling, but sometimes I can't help it. I'm sorry that I'm an excessive, lazy, irresponsible, medicated, overweight little girl. I want to be loved and I want my life to be easy - because it should be. I have a great job, I'm in college - I've been given everything I could ever want. And I waste it. You shouldn't have to deal with my problems. I know you yell because you're frustrated, and confused, and you love me.
I'm looking at my framed picture of the two of us from when I was little, the one where I'm wearing the Minnie Mouse dress and you look beautiful and happy. And I cry. I cry and cry and wish that I could take back every horrible thing I've ever said, every stupid thing I've ever done. I love you, so very much. You are my best friend, and I hope I'm still yours.