(no subject)
Sometimes, you can be in the middle of a crowd, but you couldn't be more lonely.
Sometimes, you think you understand. You form preconceptions, ideas, dreams, hopes. Futures.
Sometimes, you couldn't be more wrong.
Or at least, I suppose I couldn't. That was possibly the most awkward 4ish hours. Theres a set of ideas I had, misunderstandings I suppose. Now, I just don't know anything. And all I can do is wonder why. Because I can feel it. Theres a timer here, and its ticking. Its a formality, but its going to break my heart at the earliest moment it thinks polite. I heard all the wonderful words, which spur hope, but theres a crucial difference between words and acts. Some say one speaks louder, but I think that one just speaks with more clarity. Its hard to twist actions, to beat around the bush with them. Its hard to make your actions something other than what they are. Your words can have all the uncertainty that they want, but your acts clarify for me. And I liked it better being blind. We always do.
It really reminds me of Waiting for Godot. Would they have the same faith in Godot if they truly knew him, if he was anything more than an abstract idea? Would they wait forever? Its the test of faith, taking what we have no proof of for exactly what it says it is. God, Santa, Love. Pick your leap. If theres one thing that can be said, its that I acted with faith. I can't suppose to know whether that is good or bad.
Sometimes, you think you understand. You form preconceptions, ideas, dreams, hopes. Futures.
Sometimes, you couldn't be more wrong.
Or at least, I suppose I couldn't. That was possibly the most awkward 4ish hours. Theres a set of ideas I had, misunderstandings I suppose. Now, I just don't know anything. And all I can do is wonder why. Because I can feel it. Theres a timer here, and its ticking. Its a formality, but its going to break my heart at the earliest moment it thinks polite. I heard all the wonderful words, which spur hope, but theres a crucial difference between words and acts. Some say one speaks louder, but I think that one just speaks with more clarity. Its hard to twist actions, to beat around the bush with them. Its hard to make your actions something other than what they are. Your words can have all the uncertainty that they want, but your acts clarify for me. And I liked it better being blind. We always do.
It really reminds me of Waiting for Godot. Would they have the same faith in Godot if they truly knew him, if he was anything more than an abstract idea? Would they wait forever? Its the test of faith, taking what we have no proof of for exactly what it says it is. God, Santa, Love. Pick your leap. If theres one thing that can be said, its that I acted with faith. I can't suppose to know whether that is good or bad.