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I remember writing, back during one of those periods where this journal was half-way worth reading and semi regular, about loneliness. About how you can be surrounded by others, by friends, and yet, be more lonely than ever. That was tonight. I think, pretty much, that I'm just tired. Of everything. I'm tired of myself. I'm flighty and hypocritical
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"I give everything for swim and dont even make districts. I put everything into, well, every relationship I've ever tried to build, and where do I get? Fucking nowhere. I'm tired. Really really really tired."
I've known this feeling. For me, it has come when I overextend myself; when I don't priorities. That is, if you put all your effort into everything, of course you'll get exhausted. It's an American myth that you can be excellent at more than, say, two or three areas of your life at one time.
If you have A) swim, B) friends, C) non-friend girls?, D) school (IB!), [& debate? etc.] then what I've learned is that time and energy commitments must be weighed against the others in terms of importance. At least one or two areas of your life are going to be more average, but then one or more can be excellent.
That's -especially- if you set up a system/commitment for getting 6-8 hours of sleep per night. It is possible with IB, really... I have logs now to prove it. But some things have to be deprioritized!
Good luck with your essays & all --
~Alex Gw.
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