say goodbye, say goodbye

Apr 08, 2006 14:18

she saw completely through me

show last night went well. a few mistakes, but it went well and they were coverd up pretty well.
"uncle's husband." - what? haha. oh backstage.

one more show. that's then end of the late nights for all of us. more you all than me since i wasn't there as long as you. tough stuff but you pulled it off. congrats.

cast party tonight at sara's. good stuff.

but now it's time to get serious. what the fuck is going on? honestly! where the fuck are you? you have no idea how long this has been bottled up! i try to ignore it. i try to think that MAYBE it's not really happening. it's just a thing. just a phase. it will end. but no! oh no! it hasn't! and i want to flip the fuck out finally! i'm sick of pretending! if you're not my fucking best friend anymore...then will you please just fucking tell me already! it hurts to wonder so much! it hurts even more to not understand why you just don't care about me anymore! i try so fucking hard to make you fucking happy! i want to be there for you! but if i've been replaced, then please...just fucking let me fucking know! PLEASE! OK?! FUCK! I'd rather know. I'd rather find someone else. but this...this guessing, this wishing, this pain, this pretending. it's constant and i'm fucking sick of it! you don't even seem to realize that everything else is my life is fine! perfect! nothing to complain about! nothing else matters! you don't have to ditch me because you're tired of hearing me complain. there's nothing to complain about anymore! there hasn't been for a while! if you had just taken the time and not given up...YOU WOULD KNOW THAT! So now everything is great...but this! but us! what the fuck is happening? what the fuck has happened?! i kept it in for so long. just hoping! but now i find out that that's all it was. it was a hope. if you're not there for me...and you don't want me to be there for you...then just tell me. i'll leave. i'll make new friends. i'd like to think i need you...but if you don't want to be needed, then JUST TELL ME! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW THIS FEELS! JUST FUCKING TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL AND WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING BEFORE I FUCKING EXPLODE IN PERSON OK?!

Ugh, i hate doing this online, but since it's fucking imposible to get through to you in person, then this is the only thing i could think of. but god do i hate posting these things with the drama and shit and pronouns and ugh. fuck. sorry it had to be done here...but it had to be done somewhere.

*big deep breath*
*long sigh*

good luck again tonight.
love.
Previous post Next post
Up