Kolt is stalking me.
iamtheking is being stalked on Livejournal!
cool_9 is stalking iamtheking
cool_9’s REAL name :
Lawerence Murton
cool_9’s REAL DOB :
09th February 1971
Height :159 cm
Weight : 107.4 kg
cool_9 has dreamt about you :
30 times
cool_9 became interested in you :
12th April 2003
cool_9’s latest dream about you
After a brief rendezvous in a unisex spa, the two lovers decide to make kittens behind an unattended reception desk. 5 minutes into the experience David Hasselhoff mysteriously appears at the desk with his hand resting casually on the side of his cheek trying to surpress the grin that by-now has engulfed his face. He steals a glimpse of your genetalia before disappearing as quickly as he came.
This is how cool_9 describes your relationship behind your back
‘At first I thought it was just friendship, but it’s more than that. The way iamtheking looks at me has to be seen to be believed. Either he loves me as much as I love him or he’s terrified. And that isn’t very likely, is it……?’
cool_9’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
A pair of soiled underpants that you left out in your backyard after a night out on the razz.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
cool_9 has tattooed their mental image of your genetalia onto their upper forearm.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
If God had a face, he’d look something like you. And if you were ever to leave me, I’d fucking nail you to a cross before you had a chance for a last supper.
The Police
No. calls to the police :
4 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"Police! I need your assistance, someones trying to climb in through my window. It’s a stalker I met off the internet. They’ve been harassing me for months now. I can’t walk down the street without them following me. Come quickly and make sure you bring a couple of baseball bats. I could do with beating this fucker into submission."
cool_9’s Police File
cool_9 is a right sadastic bastard and should be detained for as long as possible.
Testimonies about cool_9
scintillated - Pig-hustler
‘I’m tired of hearing about of these allegations about cool_9. iamtheking is a demented twat. Ignore him.’
demon_batista - Fathers goats
‘How depressing. I feel sorry for iamtheking, he’s kind as fuck to a fault. Always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. All of this sickens me.'’
__aestuous - Slap-happy
‘Thank Christ I never let cool_9 into my house. God the thought of it all gives me the creeps!’
phreakkn0t - Balding slut
‘cool_9 was always one of us. One of the gang. We never suspected anything. I’m really shocked..’