(no subject)
why do i think about such weird things? when i flew to cali, i walked down the aisle of the plane to my seat picking out and making mental notes of the people in their seats who I THOUGHT could easily have characatures drawn of them. i think its fascinating that when i am at some location like the airport, the grocery store or any other public place, that there are other people at that exact point and time that need to be in that exact place as i do. then i narrow it down to the same grocery section such as soups, or on the same plane in the seat next to me. like today, how the HECK do 500 or more people sit around at home or wherever until 1pm and then get the great idea to go to Ikea the same as Becca, Jovan, Justin and I do? how come that lady needed to look at the ceramic plates that were 59 cents as i did?!!! it weirded me out and i walked away. that, and justin reminded me that we didn't need them. HA.
now on to the subject of church. when i used to go to church, i was completely broken. when i'd get there and we'd start singing and the pastor started the lesson, i'd feel so empowered. i could do anything, i could be anyone but the person i was outside of church. then i took that power with me and all of a sudden i got a new job, i met the man of my life, i have a great apartment and my real friends were sifted out of my life like diamonds out of dirt. it was amazing. i have all these wonderful things now and i feel like im treating God like i used to get treated by my so-called friends. you get whatever job, revenge, outside friendship from me and now you don't talk to me anymore. because i dont. i have everything ive ever prayed for(except a new car) so i dont pray anymore. i'm not sure if i even believe in that stuff, but then where else did that empowerment come from? maybe it was already inside me and that sense of something to believe other than myself or another person was what i needed....maybe not. i need to go back to church. i have so many questions that i need to have answered logically, not spiritually. i need someone down to earth, non biased, smart and who has the answers to talk to me.
now on to the subject of church. when i used to go to church, i was completely broken. when i'd get there and we'd start singing and the pastor started the lesson, i'd feel so empowered. i could do anything, i could be anyone but the person i was outside of church. then i took that power with me and all of a sudden i got a new job, i met the man of my life, i have a great apartment and my real friends were sifted out of my life like diamonds out of dirt. it was amazing. i have all these wonderful things now and i feel like im treating God like i used to get treated by my so-called friends. you get whatever job, revenge, outside friendship from me and now you don't talk to me anymore. because i dont. i have everything ive ever prayed for(except a new car) so i dont pray anymore. i'm not sure if i even believe in that stuff, but then where else did that empowerment come from? maybe it was already inside me and that sense of something to believe other than myself or another person was what i needed....maybe not. i need to go back to church. i have so many questions that i need to have answered logically, not spiritually. i need someone down to earth, non biased, smart and who has the answers to talk to me.