(no subject)
I think that my lack of journaling has been the cause of this confusion of emotions trapped inside my head. I don't have a pen and paper to help me sort through how I am feeling. Normally I could bottle things up for a little while and release them on paper, but now I really tend to keep everything inside until something hits me just the right way and I'm off on another emotional tangent, whether it's sad or angry or lonely or however I'm feeling that day.
I need to talk to someone, and I know that there are people who will listen, but I need someone who gets it. Who won't look at me like I'm crazy. Who will understand what eight years of keeping everything inside can do to a person.
I want to cry. I want to scream. I want this big reveal to be over with. I want to yell at the top of my lungs that I'm fucking unhappy no matter which direction my life is going in, and I don't know how to fix that. I am in love, but still unhappy. I always thought love would be a saving grace, and it was for a little while. What changed?
Where do I even go from here? I've been asking myself the same stupid questions since I was 13, and I wish I could look at myself and say that things haven't changed but they haven't. And probably won't. Unless I grow up and fix myself.
I don't come from a world where you say what's wrong. I live in a world where I listen and take in but never give back. "Things might get rough, but they always come out okay in the end!" No. I want to finally say what is on my mind. I want to tell all my secrets and stop pretending that they are such a big deal.
I want this all to end. Finally. I've waited long enough
I need to talk to someone, and I know that there are people who will listen, but I need someone who gets it. Who won't look at me like I'm crazy. Who will understand what eight years of keeping everything inside can do to a person.
I want to cry. I want to scream. I want this big reveal to be over with. I want to yell at the top of my lungs that I'm fucking unhappy no matter which direction my life is going in, and I don't know how to fix that. I am in love, but still unhappy. I always thought love would be a saving grace, and it was for a little while. What changed?
Where do I even go from here? I've been asking myself the same stupid questions since I was 13, and I wish I could look at myself and say that things haven't changed but they haven't. And probably won't. Unless I grow up and fix myself.
I don't come from a world where you say what's wrong. I live in a world where I listen and take in but never give back. "Things might get rough, but they always come out okay in the end!" No. I want to finally say what is on my mind. I want to tell all my secrets and stop pretending that they are such a big deal.
I want this all to end. Finally. I've waited long enough