It's coming to this.
I'm seriously considering moving back to Virginia when my lease is up.
Anybody who knows me well should know this is not a decision I'm making lightly. To me it signifies giving up, broken pride and probably hearing I told you so from my parents and other people who didn't think I'd make it up here.
And they're right. I can't. I thought I could for awhile, but I made a huge mistake and now I'm paying for it dearly. I fell for someone irresponsible and apathetic...I fell hard. It didn't matter to him. I was very close to committing suicide back in October. I let him back in, thinking that I could handle just being friends, but I couldn't and I can't. Especially not when he sends mixed signals. Especially not when he tells me shit like how I'm one of his favorite people and he cares about me sooo much and how I make it impossible for him not to like me and how he doesn't want me to wait for him, but he'll be jealous of whomever I end up with. Especially when he won't just fucking tell me why he doesn't want me, in spite of all those things. I'm falling down that same path again, but worse.
There are other reasons I'm considering the move, but he's the primary one. I don't just need time. I need distance.
I can't continue to feel like this anymore.
Anybody who knows me well should know this is not a decision I'm making lightly. To me it signifies giving up, broken pride and probably hearing I told you so from my parents and other people who didn't think I'd make it up here.
And they're right. I can't. I thought I could for awhile, but I made a huge mistake and now I'm paying for it dearly. I fell for someone irresponsible and apathetic...I fell hard. It didn't matter to him. I was very close to committing suicide back in October. I let him back in, thinking that I could handle just being friends, but I couldn't and I can't. Especially not when he sends mixed signals. Especially not when he tells me shit like how I'm one of his favorite people and he cares about me sooo much and how I make it impossible for him not to like me and how he doesn't want me to wait for him, but he'll be jealous of whomever I end up with. Especially when he won't just fucking tell me why he doesn't want me, in spite of all those things. I'm falling down that same path again, but worse.
There are other reasons I'm considering the move, but he's the primary one. I don't just need time. I need distance.
I can't continue to feel like this anymore.