This crazy winter and what it means...
This has been a strange winter this far for sure, like Sif said in her journal, it is hard to remember it snowing like this in Colorado. I remember having snow all winter back home, but never these back to back deep snow ones and this wind, oh my goddess. It takes alot to frighten me and last night as I drove home from Inger's, that wind scared me. Of course then at home, when you are surrounded by pine trees, wind like that sounds like there is a747 landing on your roof.
SO I have been thinking of all of the things I have had planned and the snow storms have prevented them. For me I believe it is a real call for me to slow down, look around me and pay attention. In the process of running around trying to fix everything and everyone, I have lost perspective of my own goals and desires. I look around my house that I am getting ready to move out of and see all the cobwebs hanging from the ceiling and seriously can relate them to my crown chakra. It is wide open and growing cobwebs, for as much as I feed it, I also neglect it. I look back over the past year and though I obtained my 2nd degree, after that my life ran amuck and I have not dedicated or put forth the effort or enthusiasm I once had on my Path work. I also see all the people I have been helping in good places in their lives now and I am still here, alone. I accomplished much and gained little.
Out of this I have determined two things, this year I am going to work on my 3rd degree studies, I am not going to rush them for there is no timeline. I really want to work my BOS esbats and Sabbats as the wheel turns. I have decided for my own personal work it is time to adhere to the calling of the Native American guides and spirits that pull at me and that every psychic I have ever talked to insists I am surrounded by. I am reading again, The Thirteen Original Clan Mothers by Jamie Samms and have decided to write my 13 esbats for my BOS on those 13 Goddesses. I began my work on January Full Moon, but never wrote out the ritual. Tonight I sit rereading my notes, the stories and realize that if I would have written it on or before the full moon, I would have missed what her story is about. It is totally about taking time to stop and listen to the earth around us, to become aware of the voices of the trees, the rocks, the animals and about how when the two medicine circles meet, they meet at the heart. This is the conflict of the upper chakras and the lower chakras and the heart being the battle ground. I am so excited tonight to sit down and write this ritual.
The other thing I am going to accomplish this year is in personal, romantic relationships, encounters whatever you want to call them. I have my goal set on a specific person, yet it is a goal of whatever happens this year happens and I will go on from it instead of remaining stagnant. I am putting myself out there for once to meet other men and see what happens and if my heart gets broken, Iknow now that it will recover and I will be okay and will try it again. Since I put this energy into the universe, and worked a little magic at full moon, not only has said Pisces Boy asked me out for dinner, but I have had men out of the woodwork, just want to meet. Kinda refreshing. And most of them are not the crazy psychos I usually attract, of course some of them are just looking for the hook up and this year I say, what the hell. I only have myself to justify my sexual life to, so why to do hold back so. From built in tape recorder that sex is only for those you want to establish a relationship with? In tribes of old, the woman chose the man to sire her children and in many aboriginal tribes after the child was born, it was not the father who raised it but the woman's brother. I think western society has so wronged the idea of sex that for many like myself, the idea of one night stands not for the need of attention but for the need of just scratching the itch so to speak, just seems immoral. WHY? Not anymore to me, this has been a battle I have had in my head over and over and over again. So this year I have decided, that if I am okay with it, it is okay. I have to justify my actions to no one but me.
SO I have been thinking of all of the things I have had planned and the snow storms have prevented them. For me I believe it is a real call for me to slow down, look around me and pay attention. In the process of running around trying to fix everything and everyone, I have lost perspective of my own goals and desires. I look around my house that I am getting ready to move out of and see all the cobwebs hanging from the ceiling and seriously can relate them to my crown chakra. It is wide open and growing cobwebs, for as much as I feed it, I also neglect it. I look back over the past year and though I obtained my 2nd degree, after that my life ran amuck and I have not dedicated or put forth the effort or enthusiasm I once had on my Path work. I also see all the people I have been helping in good places in their lives now and I am still here, alone. I accomplished much and gained little.
Out of this I have determined two things, this year I am going to work on my 3rd degree studies, I am not going to rush them for there is no timeline. I really want to work my BOS esbats and Sabbats as the wheel turns. I have decided for my own personal work it is time to adhere to the calling of the Native American guides and spirits that pull at me and that every psychic I have ever talked to insists I am surrounded by. I am reading again, The Thirteen Original Clan Mothers by Jamie Samms and have decided to write my 13 esbats for my BOS on those 13 Goddesses. I began my work on January Full Moon, but never wrote out the ritual. Tonight I sit rereading my notes, the stories and realize that if I would have written it on or before the full moon, I would have missed what her story is about. It is totally about taking time to stop and listen to the earth around us, to become aware of the voices of the trees, the rocks, the animals and about how when the two medicine circles meet, they meet at the heart. This is the conflict of the upper chakras and the lower chakras and the heart being the battle ground. I am so excited tonight to sit down and write this ritual.
The other thing I am going to accomplish this year is in personal, romantic relationships, encounters whatever you want to call them. I have my goal set on a specific person, yet it is a goal of whatever happens this year happens and I will go on from it instead of remaining stagnant. I am putting myself out there for once to meet other men and see what happens and if my heart gets broken, Iknow now that it will recover and I will be okay and will try it again. Since I put this energy into the universe, and worked a little magic at full moon, not only has said Pisces Boy asked me out for dinner, but I have had men out of the woodwork, just want to meet. Kinda refreshing. And most of them are not the crazy psychos I usually attract, of course some of them are just looking for the hook up and this year I say, what the hell. I only have myself to justify my sexual life to, so why to do hold back so. From built in tape recorder that sex is only for those you want to establish a relationship with? In tribes of old, the woman chose the man to sire her children and in many aboriginal tribes after the child was born, it was not the father who raised it but the woman's brother. I think western society has so wronged the idea of sex that for many like myself, the idea of one night stands not for the need of attention but for the need of just scratching the itch so to speak, just seems immoral. WHY? Not anymore to me, this has been a battle I have had in my head over and over and over again. So this year I have decided, that if I am okay with it, it is okay. I have to justify my actions to no one but me.