(no subject)
You know this day sucks! You meet people who need a help out of a bad situation and you help, then get emotionally fucked for you efforts.
My life was just so much easier when I was a cold hearted bitch, just as lonely but with far less emotional scarring. But as I have set myself up for this by extending a helping hand I cannot blame those that are obviously incapable of helping themselves, only me for thinking I could help them help themselves.
But you know when you set people up with a cell phone so they have a ways of communication to family and friends, and you are footing the bill until "they get on their feet", I am thinking a courtesy call now and then is not out of line. Not like it is costing them anything.
Specifically speaking, my mother who can't afford long distance tells me she wishes she could call me more, so back in May I buy her a cell phone, add it to my plan, pay for it and she never calls me. I call her last night and find out that she has been using the phone to talk to other family members, which is fine, but then tells me she has bad new, my Aunt Elaine has a tumor in her chest that is malignant and too big to operate on. They are putting her on Chemo, but chances are that isn't going to work.
Now I wouldn't be upset about her not calling to tell me except, she had to drive over to the parking lot where there is cell service, called my aunt in the hospital, talked to my uncle, but couldn't take the time to call me and let me know. HMMMM
Then Acat, my tattoo'd guy friend. Did the same thing, got him a cell phone so that while he transitions into Salt Lake City has away of communicating with his family back home and me. I a sick wednesday, puking and other things, I text him to tell him I am sick, this man who "really likes me alot", and I get an "i am sorry" text message. No phone call after he is off work, he went out to the bar like he has done everynight since he's been there. SO yesterday he is sick, at work, so I text him several times throughout the day to see how he is. Last night during his last tattoo, I text him and tell him I miss talking to him, he says "same here", he knows I am in a mopey sad mood, one would think if you "really like someone", you could take 5 minutes before you go out to drink again, to call and say how are, shoot shit the little. But I text him to see if he is done tattooing and he is out at the bar drinking with his boss again. You know I spent ALOT of money helping him out knowing I will never see that money again, but thought he was a person who needed a helping hand and I truly believe in the pay it forward theory, but you know a little consideration would not be out of line.
SO I left him a message that said, "oh have fun. Good night. Guess we can talk when I come out to salt lake, or maybe I am just wasting my time" and the response ______________________ (yep nothing).
Shmoozy text messages that now appear to be the forever kiss ass, just don't cut it.
MY X. Playing the ONE WORD game on the internet. You know send back one word that reminds the person of you. His word, HURTFUL. This man who expects me still to save his ass whenever he has a problem, who hurt me just as much as I hurt him. Who I have worked so hard to forgive and actually have feelings for as a friend and father of my children.
Today, I say FUCK YOU to all of you! For you know I have feelings too and sometimes I am the one that needs and ear or a shoulder, instead of being your rock of gibralter. Stand on your own two feet for once.
So yes I must have considerate fool tattoo'd on my forehead, this tattoo clouds my character judgement, so tell me how the hell do I get it removed?
My life was just so much easier when I was a cold hearted bitch, just as lonely but with far less emotional scarring. But as I have set myself up for this by extending a helping hand I cannot blame those that are obviously incapable of helping themselves, only me for thinking I could help them help themselves.
But you know when you set people up with a cell phone so they have a ways of communication to family and friends, and you are footing the bill until "they get on their feet", I am thinking a courtesy call now and then is not out of line. Not like it is costing them anything.
Specifically speaking, my mother who can't afford long distance tells me she wishes she could call me more, so back in May I buy her a cell phone, add it to my plan, pay for it and she never calls me. I call her last night and find out that she has been using the phone to talk to other family members, which is fine, but then tells me she has bad new, my Aunt Elaine has a tumor in her chest that is malignant and too big to operate on. They are putting her on Chemo, but chances are that isn't going to work.
Now I wouldn't be upset about her not calling to tell me except, she had to drive over to the parking lot where there is cell service, called my aunt in the hospital, talked to my uncle, but couldn't take the time to call me and let me know. HMMMM
Then Acat, my tattoo'd guy friend. Did the same thing, got him a cell phone so that while he transitions into Salt Lake City has away of communicating with his family back home and me. I a sick wednesday, puking and other things, I text him to tell him I am sick, this man who "really likes me alot", and I get an "i am sorry" text message. No phone call after he is off work, he went out to the bar like he has done everynight since he's been there. SO yesterday he is sick, at work, so I text him several times throughout the day to see how he is. Last night during his last tattoo, I text him and tell him I miss talking to him, he says "same here", he knows I am in a mopey sad mood, one would think if you "really like someone", you could take 5 minutes before you go out to drink again, to call and say how are, shoot shit the little. But I text him to see if he is done tattooing and he is out at the bar drinking with his boss again. You know I spent ALOT of money helping him out knowing I will never see that money again, but thought he was a person who needed a helping hand and I truly believe in the pay it forward theory, but you know a little consideration would not be out of line.
SO I left him a message that said, "oh have fun. Good night. Guess we can talk when I come out to salt lake, or maybe I am just wasting my time" and the response ______________________ (yep nothing).
Shmoozy text messages that now appear to be the forever kiss ass, just don't cut it.
MY X. Playing the ONE WORD game on the internet. You know send back one word that reminds the person of you. His word, HURTFUL. This man who expects me still to save his ass whenever he has a problem, who hurt me just as much as I hurt him. Who I have worked so hard to forgive and actually have feelings for as a friend and father of my children.
Today, I say FUCK YOU to all of you! For you know I have feelings too and sometimes I am the one that needs and ear or a shoulder, instead of being your rock of gibralter. Stand on your own two feet for once.
So yes I must have considerate fool tattoo'd on my forehead, this tattoo clouds my character judgement, so tell me how the hell do I get it removed?