*complaining*
i fucking hate shit right now. i can't stand not being able to control how i feel and not feeling better. i know it's gonna take a bit of time to get used to it, but damn! i can't sleep, eat... anything. the only thing i really like is working bc i don't think about it. and i know i sound like a whiney baby but i think i have a reason to for now. try spending almost every day with someone for almost two years and then losing pretty much all contact with them, knowing it won't get any easier for at least four more years. he might as well have been named sean and gone to jail. there's not much difference. i don't know how to deal and i'm trying, but it's not working. and the only thing that can make me feel better is at boot camp and unable to comfort me. i need a hug, a kiss, a person to help me fall asleep-and he's not here. honestly, i don't know how to sleep anymore bc i got so used to being around him every night. i've never gone more than a day without talking to him until today. and it's not going to be any better. fuck. i'm tired of being a whiney baby. but you know what? too bad, don't read it. i don't care. i'm entitled to be a bit upset by this. so.