I hate feeling so stupid
I seriously hate knowing that I don't know what I should know, that I'm not where I am supposed to be, that I'm learning too slowly, and that it's taking me twice as long to be able to do something as simple as making a fucking sharp right turn while staying in my own lane. I hate driving so much because I get really nervous that I'm going to mess up and some one is going to get hurt and I try to hard to focus on everything and end up tunneling my vision into just seeing which horrible thing could happen next and I hate it. I hate seeing a truck pull into traffic two hundred feet away from me and automatically let off the gas and switch to the brake, which is more dangerous than just maintaining what I'm doing like I'm supposed to and it's more harmful, and then I realize that, and then I feel more stupid. I drove for the second time with Mr. Towle today and I just got down what I should have learned how to do the last time. I feel like an idiot, a nervous illogical idiot.
Then I observed Kathy, who I love to pieces and she's my only friend in driver's ed, but she's ahead of where she should be and he kept commenting on how great she's doing and how it's nice that she doesn't let her nerves cloud her judgment in all of the scenarios that I let mine do just that and my self-esteem just fucking plummeted down and it completely sucks. It's so frustrating! Why can't I just learn what to do and do it like everyone else? I mean, I know I'm not good at anything involving hand-eye coordination, but driving should not be this hard. Half of my class already has their 20 hours outside of driver's ed, and most of them got it before they even started the goddamn class. Me? I'm just the clueless, nervous, horrible driver who just wants to do it right for once, but apparently, it's going to take me forever!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Then I observed Kathy, who I love to pieces and she's my only friend in driver's ed, but she's ahead of where she should be and he kept commenting on how great she's doing and how it's nice that she doesn't let her nerves cloud her judgment in all of the scenarios that I let mine do just that and my self-esteem just fucking plummeted down and it completely sucks. It's so frustrating! Why can't I just learn what to do and do it like everyone else? I mean, I know I'm not good at anything involving hand-eye coordination, but driving should not be this hard. Half of my class already has their 20 hours outside of driver's ed, and most of them got it before they even started the goddamn class. Me? I'm just the clueless, nervous, horrible driver who just wants to do it right for once, but apparently, it's going to take me forever!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!