this is an actual email that i just sent. seriously.

[iamonfire]

Brynn, after watching this movie about zombies, I have to say that if you were infected with a zombie virus, I would tie you up and hope to find a cure rather than killing you to keep you from killing me with your zombie rage. I don't think I have ever said anything more significant to anyone else in the entire history of my life. You should a) ignore the fact that this email makes no sense and b) be very impressed by this statement of friendship and devotion.
Michael