(no subject)
There is a swirling mass of confusion covering me.
I can’t even decide which book I want to read.
The questions, the decisions they seem endless.
Fiction or non?
Romantic or scary?
Soul-searching or light?
I can not decide who I want to please.
Or which direction is the right way to go.
I am ready for some people to leave my life.
And I am ready for others to enter.
I want to be a little child.
I want to be wanted.
Yelling, screaming, and shrieking.
I hate it.
What’s wrong with harmony?
I can’t even find my stupid books a million gift card.
Which I would love to use.
I counted my skirts today.
The grand total came to 14.
I want more.
I just want to sit at home and watch movies.
All the movies that I have never seen before.
And when I am tired of watching movies
I’ll read.
I’ll read every book that I have. And I’ll buy every book that I don’t.
And through all this I will turn my life around.
I will return to my God whom I have ignored.
I will return to some of my friends.
And I will make new ones.
I really wish I could change some things about myself.
My pale skin, my fashion sense or lack thereof, my clumsiness.
I also wish I could change the position that I am so delicately hanging in.
I want to stop.
I want the world to continue.
Until I have enough energy to return to a niche that I would carve out for myself.
Among simple things and simple people.
And never return to complication and complicated people.
I do not want tears, heartache, and sin.
But I do desire smiles, laughter and love.
And board games.
I want to play rounds and rounds of board games.
With people who love God and clean jokes and simple thinking.
I can’t even decide which book I want to read.
The questions, the decisions they seem endless.
Fiction or non?
Romantic or scary?
Soul-searching or light?
I can not decide who I want to please.
Or which direction is the right way to go.
I am ready for some people to leave my life.
And I am ready for others to enter.
I want to be a little child.
I want to be wanted.
Yelling, screaming, and shrieking.
I hate it.
What’s wrong with harmony?
I can’t even find my stupid books a million gift card.
Which I would love to use.
I counted my skirts today.
The grand total came to 14.
I want more.
I just want to sit at home and watch movies.
All the movies that I have never seen before.
And when I am tired of watching movies
I’ll read.
I’ll read every book that I have. And I’ll buy every book that I don’t.
And through all this I will turn my life around.
I will return to my God whom I have ignored.
I will return to some of my friends.
And I will make new ones.
I really wish I could change some things about myself.
My pale skin, my fashion sense or lack thereof, my clumsiness.
I also wish I could change the position that I am so delicately hanging in.
I want to stop.
I want the world to continue.
Until I have enough energy to return to a niche that I would carve out for myself.
Among simple things and simple people.
And never return to complication and complicated people.
I do not want tears, heartache, and sin.
But I do desire smiles, laughter and love.
And board games.
I want to play rounds and rounds of board games.
With people who love God and clean jokes and simple thinking.