I'm Awake All Night Long To The Drums Of The City Rain
I'm feeling angsty again, so I guess it's back to livejournal I go.
After being unemployed and having my resume rejected for office jobs all summer, I got a job as a package handler loading trucks for a shipping company. The pay is pretty decent, the hours reliable, and I always get the weekends off. It's a great company to work for. But. The job is fucking hard labor. People warned me, and I knew it would be tough work, but its fucking way harder than I imagined. The fact that I have little upper body strength and am very short just makes my job that much harder. I've put my all into it the past few days and still feel like I'm going nowhere. Every time my manager comes to check on me he says the same thing: your training is almost over, you've got to get your rate up, gotta go faster. No matter how hard I try, I just can't. My rate hasn't changed much in the past week. My managers expect me to get a little better every day, but I just can't seem to get over this hump.
And today was just awful. I started fairly strong, but halfway through I just lost it. I got so sick of seeing my rate go down, having to deal with so many oddly shaped, heavy packages, and my scanner fucking up. My body began to break down with the stress and frustration I was feeling and I barely made it through the last hour. I was doing a piss poor job at loading and I wasn't even going any faster. I wanted to give up and destroy every package in my truck.
I should be happy right now. I'm finally making money again and my brother just bought a house so I get to move out of this shitty apartment and have my own place in his attic. I should be spending my free time packing my shit and moving it. Instead, when I get home I just want to crash and I only get up early enough to get ready for work. I sleep as much as I can so my body has some time to recover. I just feel like shit all the fucking time. (Plus, I'm not exactly looking forward to having to live with my brother's cunt of a girlfriend, but that is a whole other post.)
Everyone keeps saying, just hold out, your body will adjust and it won't be so hard soon enough. I just don't know how much more of this I can take.
After being unemployed and having my resume rejected for office jobs all summer, I got a job as a package handler loading trucks for a shipping company. The pay is pretty decent, the hours reliable, and I always get the weekends off. It's a great company to work for. But. The job is fucking hard labor. People warned me, and I knew it would be tough work, but its fucking way harder than I imagined. The fact that I have little upper body strength and am very short just makes my job that much harder. I've put my all into it the past few days and still feel like I'm going nowhere. Every time my manager comes to check on me he says the same thing: your training is almost over, you've got to get your rate up, gotta go faster. No matter how hard I try, I just can't. My rate hasn't changed much in the past week. My managers expect me to get a little better every day, but I just can't seem to get over this hump.
And today was just awful. I started fairly strong, but halfway through I just lost it. I got so sick of seeing my rate go down, having to deal with so many oddly shaped, heavy packages, and my scanner fucking up. My body began to break down with the stress and frustration I was feeling and I barely made it through the last hour. I was doing a piss poor job at loading and I wasn't even going any faster. I wanted to give up and destroy every package in my truck.
I should be happy right now. I'm finally making money again and my brother just bought a house so I get to move out of this shitty apartment and have my own place in his attic. I should be spending my free time packing my shit and moving it. Instead, when I get home I just want to crash and I only get up early enough to get ready for work. I sleep as much as I can so my body has some time to recover. I just feel like shit all the fucking time. (Plus, I'm not exactly looking forward to having to live with my brother's cunt of a girlfriend, but that is a whole other post.)
Everyone keeps saying, just hold out, your body will adjust and it won't be so hard soon enough. I just don't know how much more of this I can take.