(no subject)
i don't know that the hell i was thinking when i singed up for PSO (PSO is when you take college classes when you're in high school). Owens community college is a 30 min drive plus time to find a parking space. so thats a little frustrating. i attended my first class on monday. it was an art class. its was a little scary, but i thought i'm pretty sure i can handle this. then today was the first day of my senior year in high school. i'm taking spainish 3, honors english, government, and physics. i love all of those classes except spainish. those are some of the hardest classes to take in hs. but i am fine with that. but being at school made me realize that i missed a lot of those people. i don't even get to see some of my friends during the day due to leaving early. so i went home after physics and then drove up to owens. i was late to class because i couldn't find the fucking room. then once i got there everything kind of sunk in. i have to fucking study hard for these classes and pass these tests and write these fucking essays (i hate writing) all aside from what i have to do for school. i have to drive there and back monday through thursday for a whole semester. thats a lot of gas. i don't have time for anything. now every time i start thinking about all this shit, i start crying. i'm that fucking stressed out that i'm crying. i don't fucking cry about anything.
i don't know if it was just that is was my first day doing all this or what. but it just didn't feel right. i'm still a high schooler in my head because i am! i don't feel right going to college. so its not just that it college, its that i'm not ready for college cuz i haven't even finished high school.
i don't know what the fuck i was thinking. i get stressed out easily as it is. i don't think i can fucking take this. i don't want to add to that stress of being a senior.
i just made a fucking fool out of myself and no one understands that i'm just not gunna be able to manage these classes. my mom probably won't let me drop out. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck