plus... minus... plus... minus...
Okay, First of all let me say JC. . . I hate you and havinging everything closed on July 5th (today). I've spent way to much money on gas today just trying to find an internet connection so I could write out my feelings.
Whywhywhywhywhy do people have to get sick!?!?! It seems like that with everything thereis in life to be unsure about we could trust our bodies to hold up. . . At least, I wish that were so.
OH, I don't like to talk about guys or romance or anything like that on here because I rather not sound like a boy crazy 14 year old school girl named Jessi. But I wanted to touch on one since it's got a part to play in my current mood. We'll call him Mr. X (very spy movie, and very very punny). Mr. X in short is a guy that seems to have alot of the qualities I would want in a boyfriend, and in a friend. We date for a short period, then he starts acting weird which makes me act weird and next thing you know, things are weird. So I start thinking maybe we should stick with friends and then he suggests the same thing. "We should take a break and be friends for awhile." Okay, so friends it is. I want to be friends with him and I'm happy because I think we will be. But I have to admit, I was feeling sorryfor myself when he brought it up because If I ever have a boyfriend, I would want it to be someone like him. And him being very like him, I had started to get a little hopeful that things would work out. I can't be his friend and have the same hope because then that would make me a crappy friend. So I dashed my hopes and look forward to a good friendship. But it's still a little painful.
Mean while, after this little talk with Mr. X (names aren't mentioned because I don't want people to think of him as that guy I dated. If I write about him later I rather you guys just know him as my friend and be in the dark about the rest. :P) I find out an old friend of mine is HIV positive. I can't deal with all that at once! So I leave to go home and be by myself with my thoughts. I'm started to feel really selfish and dumb now. Because while my hopes with one guy have been dashed, my friend (who will also remain nameless) probably has had alot more then one simple hope crushed recently. So now, I feel worse for him. Also, I went out and got tested myself because while I play it safe, it's time and the last thing I would ever want would be to have it, not know, and give it to someone else.
Whywhywhywhywhy do people have to get sick!?!?! It seems like that with everything thereis in life to be unsure about we could trust our bodies to hold up. . . At least, I wish that were so.
OH, I don't like to talk about guys or romance or anything like that on here because I rather not sound like a boy crazy 14 year old school girl named Jessi. But I wanted to touch on one since it's got a part to play in my current mood. We'll call him Mr. X (very spy movie, and very very punny). Mr. X in short is a guy that seems to have alot of the qualities I would want in a boyfriend, and in a friend. We date for a short period, then he starts acting weird which makes me act weird and next thing you know, things are weird. So I start thinking maybe we should stick with friends and then he suggests the same thing. "We should take a break and be friends for awhile." Okay, so friends it is. I want to be friends with him and I'm happy because I think we will be. But I have to admit, I was feeling sorryfor myself when he brought it up because If I ever have a boyfriend, I would want it to be someone like him. And him being very like him, I had started to get a little hopeful that things would work out. I can't be his friend and have the same hope because then that would make me a crappy friend. So I dashed my hopes and look forward to a good friendship. But it's still a little painful.
Mean while, after this little talk with Mr. X (names aren't mentioned because I don't want people to think of him as that guy I dated. If I write about him later I rather you guys just know him as my friend and be in the dark about the rest. :P) I find out an old friend of mine is HIV positive. I can't deal with all that at once! So I leave to go home and be by myself with my thoughts. I'm started to feel really selfish and dumb now. Because while my hopes with one guy have been dashed, my friend (who will also remain nameless) probably has had alot more then one simple hope crushed recently. So now, I feel worse for him. Also, I went out and got tested myself because while I play it safe, it's time and the last thing I would ever want would be to have it, not know, and give it to someone else.