Why not?
Twenty-three years old.
Today.
I haven't written in my Livejournal since I was 19 (for obvious reasons).
One thing I do realize though, it seems like a lot of the sadness that is my life right now, I had already predicted when I was 18 - seeing as how I only have 1 entry at 19.
It's my birthday, yes, which I'm not supposed to be celebrating, yes, but I can be reflective. And reflective I am. I'm just looking back at who I was before I slightly disappeared off the grid only to update the ones who know me with mediocre rap mixtapes that I've contributed with. One thing I noticed was that I was a very self-conscious, insecure kid who felt that he had no friends when really I was just brushing off the people who were reaching out to me the whole time. Asshole move Adlai. Asshole move. Now that I am 23, old as fuck, I feel like I should be making steps to better myself and salvage the rest of a life I have left. Depression has been my best friend due to me not being able to grow up and take on responsibility like an adult as I watch all my friends graduate and enter grad/med/law school and start their careers while I'm trying to find a job that will help me pay off the tuition I owe to FIU after entering my last semester without scholarship or student loans and failing. I've been trying to pick up the pieces for forever and everyone wants to give me advice, but it's to no avail. I wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life so I could just do it without people watching me wondering when I'm going to stop fucking up. I want to do something but I just don't want to fail at something else. I wouldn't be able to take it.
I also have plenty of other emotional garbage right now but I think this is my biggest issue.
I'm already 23. Twentyfuckinthree. The age I thought I'd be on my way to being very successful in whatever fairy tale shit job I had imagined in my head. Time flies. Time flew. I've done nothing. I have to be OK with that - or at least not OK with that in a positive manner whereas it can motivate me to do something.
I don't know why I decided to write in this, mainly because many people have deleted their Livejournals and it's really me just talking to myself this time. But mostly because I needed to. I needed to let it out somewhere. Now I can grow. Or see a shrink or some shit. Bye.
Today.
I haven't written in my Livejournal since I was 19 (for obvious reasons).
One thing I do realize though, it seems like a lot of the sadness that is my life right now, I had already predicted when I was 18 - seeing as how I only have 1 entry at 19.
It's my birthday, yes, which I'm not supposed to be celebrating, yes, but I can be reflective. And reflective I am. I'm just looking back at who I was before I slightly disappeared off the grid only to update the ones who know me with mediocre rap mixtapes that I've contributed with. One thing I noticed was that I was a very self-conscious, insecure kid who felt that he had no friends when really I was just brushing off the people who were reaching out to me the whole time. Asshole move Adlai. Asshole move. Now that I am 23, old as fuck, I feel like I should be making steps to better myself and salvage the rest of a life I have left. Depression has been my best friend due to me not being able to grow up and take on responsibility like an adult as I watch all my friends graduate and enter grad/med/law school and start their careers while I'm trying to find a job that will help me pay off the tuition I owe to FIU after entering my last semester without scholarship or student loans and failing. I've been trying to pick up the pieces for forever and everyone wants to give me advice, but it's to no avail. I wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life so I could just do it without people watching me wondering when I'm going to stop fucking up. I want to do something but I just don't want to fail at something else. I wouldn't be able to take it.
I also have plenty of other emotional garbage right now but I think this is my biggest issue.
I'm already 23. Twentyfuckinthree. The age I thought I'd be on my way to being very successful in whatever fairy tale shit job I had imagined in my head. Time flies. Time flew. I've done nothing. I have to be OK with that - or at least not OK with that in a positive manner whereas it can motivate me to do something.
I don't know why I decided to write in this, mainly because many people have deleted their Livejournals and it's really me just talking to myself this time. But mostly because I needed to. I needed to let it out somewhere. Now I can grow. Or see a shrink or some shit. Bye.