My Sexuality
Note: this poem has been formatted from it’s original version (almost all caps and flowing rather than in lines) for your optimum reading .
My Sexuality
by Lena Glover
My sexuality has been molested since birth.
The only thing disgusting about it is the decisions I have not decided.
The promise made for me with a ring between Mother & Jesus and… me?
The premature uninvited touching of my developing body by a teenage boy
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO TRUST.
Play Doctor? You look asleep so maybe you won’t notice or feel my horny hands groping you, ruining your childhood
your outlook
your feeling of safety
your relationships with men
your sexuality.
You can live with repressing memory for a few moments of my pleasure.
The future can be affected,
you boundaries unclear and confused,
you can think all men care about in you is your body,
all for a few moments for me.
The institution of the church,
Catholic and otherwise,
private Christian education seeping through,
public school biased abstinence only sex education run by faith based groups,
and how about that, all men too!
With the theory that sex is for baby making only, as are women,
behind them, they force their ideology of sex as sin
and the devil fighting over your soul
through the vehicle of SPIRITUALITY
they take advantage of their position
they have the power to make you feel like SHIT in the deepest ways
for DECISIONS YOU DIDN’T EVEN MAKE.
And once you’re used you’re worthless,
so here’s to a life of unhealthy sex and relationships
because it’s all BAD BAD BAD.
(continued)
You don’t know what to do
but you make it through
in the dark
and make heroes out of women
who have been molested like you.
And when feminism comes and saves you
it can stretch the clear picture to distortion again
now pressuring you not only with the double bind
already placed upon you by mainstream society
but a quadruple bind
that if you do choose to please men or participate in sex with them
then you are surrendering and submitting
to their dominance and patriarchy.
The other side even taps into this with the
save it till marriage books and education
the message “Don’t Give It Away!”
Like you’re giving yourself away
BUT I WILL NOT BE EQUATED WITH MY SEXUALITY ANY LONGER.
The one time I did have a healthy sexual life
my education,
spirituality,
parents,
society
and past abuse
all
TAINTED RUINED AND STOLE IT FROM ME
So I’m TAKING IT BACK NOW
from all the liars and thieves
I may grieve the loss of my past sexual freedom
But now I reclaim it as MINE
And the ONLY ONE who will make decisions about it
is ME
My Sexuality
by Lena Glover
My sexuality has been molested since birth.
The only thing disgusting about it is the decisions I have not decided.
The promise made for me with a ring between Mother & Jesus and… me?
The premature uninvited touching of my developing body by a teenage boy
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO TRUST.
Play Doctor? You look asleep so maybe you won’t notice or feel my horny hands groping you, ruining your childhood
your outlook
your feeling of safety
your relationships with men
your sexuality.
You can live with repressing memory for a few moments of my pleasure.
The future can be affected,
you boundaries unclear and confused,
you can think all men care about in you is your body,
all for a few moments for me.
The institution of the church,
Catholic and otherwise,
private Christian education seeping through,
public school biased abstinence only sex education run by faith based groups,
and how about that, all men too!
With the theory that sex is for baby making only, as are women,
behind them, they force their ideology of sex as sin
and the devil fighting over your soul
through the vehicle of SPIRITUALITY
they take advantage of their position
they have the power to make you feel like SHIT in the deepest ways
for DECISIONS YOU DIDN’T EVEN MAKE.
And once you’re used you’re worthless,
so here’s to a life of unhealthy sex and relationships
because it’s all BAD BAD BAD.
(continued)
You don’t know what to do
but you make it through
in the dark
and make heroes out of women
who have been molested like you.
And when feminism comes and saves you
it can stretch the clear picture to distortion again
now pressuring you not only with the double bind
already placed upon you by mainstream society
but a quadruple bind
that if you do choose to please men or participate in sex with them
then you are surrendering and submitting
to their dominance and patriarchy.
The other side even taps into this with the
save it till marriage books and education
the message “Don’t Give It Away!”
Like you’re giving yourself away
BUT I WILL NOT BE EQUATED WITH MY SEXUALITY ANY LONGER.
The one time I did have a healthy sexual life
my education,
spirituality,
parents,
society
and past abuse
all
TAINTED RUINED AND STOLE IT FROM ME
So I’m TAKING IT BACK NOW
from all the liars and thieves
I may grieve the loss of my past sexual freedom
But now I reclaim it as MINE
And the ONLY ONE who will make decisions about it
is ME