i could never control when the bomb would explode
today went amazingly fast.
my 5th period still makes me want to be shot, but at least it is only an hour of horror now.
i am not ready for thursday, ugh.
i looked at my rags for the first time in a while. yea i am horrible and they were still in drawers from camp. i sat there with them and remebered what i choose for each. for the first time since i have received my brown have i felt complete about it. at least as much as it can be for the ongoing goals for the rest of my life. my life and the people in it have changed so much since i recieved my brown. that doesn't discount what those people meant and still mean to me, they just have taken diffrent places in my life and heart. as i start to think about moving on, as camp draws closer and as i feel better and better about moving on i don't know where i want to start. so many things seem to be coming to a close and thinking about what i want to start anew with and work on in my life is odd to me, i have been so set on finishing things and getting donw and just passing by that creating something new for me to work on seems so foriegn. i am not sure if i am ready for this mind set.
have you ever wondered what it would be like to give yourself a new idenity, a new past, a new present which would lead to a new future. to completly change what you are used to, to experience something that you didn't have to be you for. or maybe to be someone that was always you, where you didn't have to change yourself for diffrent people in diffrent places, where masks were nothing because they didn't exsist and you started over. being just you.
my 5th period still makes me want to be shot, but at least it is only an hour of horror now.
i am not ready for thursday, ugh.
i looked at my rags for the first time in a while. yea i am horrible and they were still in drawers from camp. i sat there with them and remebered what i choose for each. for the first time since i have received my brown have i felt complete about it. at least as much as it can be for the ongoing goals for the rest of my life. my life and the people in it have changed so much since i recieved my brown. that doesn't discount what those people meant and still mean to me, they just have taken diffrent places in my life and heart. as i start to think about moving on, as camp draws closer and as i feel better and better about moving on i don't know where i want to start. so many things seem to be coming to a close and thinking about what i want to start anew with and work on in my life is odd to me, i have been so set on finishing things and getting donw and just passing by that creating something new for me to work on seems so foriegn. i am not sure if i am ready for this mind set.
have you ever wondered what it would be like to give yourself a new idenity, a new past, a new present which would lead to a new future. to completly change what you are used to, to experience something that you didn't have to be you for. or maybe to be someone that was always you, where you didn't have to change yourself for diffrent people in diffrent places, where masks were nothing because they didn't exsist and you started over. being just you.