DOUBTS
I've been thinking about how demanding my job is. I don't mean to be whinning about it, I actually like my job the thing is that I'm finding it really difficult to balance school and work. I made a huge mistake when I decided to register three studio classes (photography, painting and printmaking) and a literature class. I think I'm getting back on track little by little but still, I don't know how consumed I'll be by the end of this semester. I'm also not okay with the fact that I don't have much time left to do freelance work. It's funny how things work; when I had all the time in the world not many people wanted to hire me, and now, quite a few want to hire me and in advance, and it's very difficult for me to say "yeah, I'll do it for sure" because my job is in the way. Maybe I'm taking myself very seriously? Maybe I should slow down and be happy with the job that I have? The pay is not that good, I'm getting paid minimum wage for 20 hours a week... I mean, if I apply myself I can make more than that with a few sessions.
I don't know, it's really tricky all of this. Sometimes I'm very confused, sometimes I feel like "yay, I love my work" and some other times I feel like it's absorbing me. Just this week I have to cover two games in the afternoon! I work and study all morning, and I just have three afternoons of the week free that I use most of the time to go to the painting studio and now, I'll be using to go to the darkroom and printmaking studio too. I want to have some free time, have time to rest, do exercise, or just be with my boyfriend and work on my own stuff without having to worry about this and that. Ugh. Sorry that I'm bitching, And I know that I sound like I'm contradicting myself but, I feel very satisfied with how I've been doing at work. Even if I'm tired and stressed 90% of the time, little by little, I'm getting the hang of things. The thing is that, if it were another circumstance where, I don't know, I could just go to work and don't study, it would be perfect, but the thing is I have to study, so... I guess maybe that work is not right for my career at this moment when I need to be more dedicated to my artwork rather than the newspaper.
Anyways, sorry for this long text post. These photos are from a client I got thanks to the previous session I posted. I actually liked how these turned out but I'm still not very satisfied with the poses. This time I got to direct her and I actually told her how to pose in some shots. I feel more in control of the situation but still I feel that I need to be more loose. Anyways, I'll be shooting more photos for her on Saturday, so hopefully I will be able to share soon.