Crap, it's been a looong time since I posted anything...
Wow. Yeah, I know. I've gotten a bit lackluster and lazy when it comes to posting anything in here, but I suppose it's because I've got Jess to vent to instead of the computer world and my friends living in a city I haven't seen in going on two years now. Not that I don't miss most of ya, but you know, I mean...come on, when was the last time I talked to any of you, let alone saw? Jessie was the most recent, and that was, what, November? October maybe? Meh, either way. Anywho, I figured I put this up more for my own good than anything else, so I am tapping into the system and letting my thoughts vent as sure for the benefit of any who cares as much as for my own peace of mind and happiness that I'm actually keeping a consistant record.
I'm still a sub. :-/ Yeah, I know, I loved it when I started, but a year and a half later I'm pretty sick of it. My job is essentially a babysitter with none of the power of punishment other than calling another teacher in, and the money is terrible. I've been looking for another job for onto four or five months now, I forget, and haven't had much luck... I even considered the Coast Guard (on the basis that it's the ONLY bloody service not going to Iraq, even if they do handle druggies all the time) and I wasn't even given a chance since I've had asthma after 12 years of age...hmph, haven't even had to take meds in months, and I'm pretty sure I'm over it completely, even IF I get sick (the last time I did get sick I had no meds left nor the money to buy more, yet I survived, praise God). The idea of doing something beneficial for others with a forced push towards my own physical strength, health, and discipline whether I liked it or not was something that I really believed would be for the best for me (not to mention the whole "being a sailor" and "using a gun" combination).
Anyway, that idea bunked out. I've actually lately been looking into becoming (here comes the ultimate unexpected one for anyone who used to know me) a police officer. Yeah, weird huh? But I look at it this way...
Drugs have ruined my life. Marijuana by itself has. If I hadn't spent so many hours baked as a cheesecake over at my friends' houses and actually kept the work ethic up I had before I started partying that second year at FSU, I would be a college grad now. My options would be better, and I could at the very least teach full time for double the pay with benefits and summer salary. I could go into a lot of other positions I've considered but haven't been qualified for sans degree. And frankly, I would love a chance to help prevent that from happening to even one other person. I was one of the lucky people involved with one of the LEAST invasive chemicals in the known world, and that screwed me over to a point where I wish to God I could turn it around and do it all over... and so I can only imagine how the bulk stuff is screwing over others. It would be a good paying job with excellent benefits, perks, and for the kid in me, the ability to drive really bloody fast and carry a gun. (All jokes aside, could I kill someone? Probably, if it was a life or death situation, but I would preferably knee-cap or shoulder someone if given the choice.) It's something I've actually thought about since I got clean.
The Atlantic Beach department here (a suburb of Jax) has a training program where they'll actually pay you to go to the police academy and give you a spot as soon as you get out, but you have to sign up for 3 years. No biggie. The physical requirements are pretty lax...two 220 yard runs, a sprint, a few hurdles, a wall that's shorter than my girlfriend by a foot... I even pass all the disqualifiers, except they have a 5-year-off-drugs rule, and I don't want to lie on the application. I'm gonna still try and see if they will waiver it, one of the officers suggested it when I asked about it, but the likeliness is thin, so for the time being I have to look to another idea. The other forces here have a 2-year rule, but they won't pay for training, so I'd have to have another job at the time if I went that route. I'm still thinking about it all.
God hasn't really cleared me off for all that. I'm not really getting a signal one way or the other yet, you know? It's just one option I thought alot about, and even though most people laughed when I brought it up (Jess SWEARS it's not that I'd be incapable, just that most people would never believe I'd even LIKE cops let alone want to be one) and it kinda makes sense. I'm not 100% it's the route I wanted to go, just, like I said, I thought about it a lot. My worries aren't really even the danger, but...well, what would I do in good consience if I knew someone else was dirty? That's the only thing that concerns me, because I know it happens, and I am trying to live a life as dictated by God...but going against that kind of flow is a dangerous thing.
Anywho, like I said, this is all speculation into a probability...a few months ago I was SURE I was going to be a writer...I still think I will be one day, but I don't really think formal training is in my future. My mind constantly goes off tangents with these "What if" scenarios.
Still, it sure shows how much I've changed. Five years ago...heck, two years ago, I'd snort derisively at anyone who even considered that option. But that's a whole other discussion...I could go on for a looong time at my maturation and how it continues to amaze me, yet my unsatisfaction with it in comparison to my potential is staggering.
And with that I'll leave off, because I still have to look for another job, since it's an early release day, I had last period planning, and I actually have the time to (for once). I need out of subbing...I hate knowing my position is useless and can be essentially filled by anyone with half a brain.
I'm still a sub. :-/ Yeah, I know, I loved it when I started, but a year and a half later I'm pretty sick of it. My job is essentially a babysitter with none of the power of punishment other than calling another teacher in, and the money is terrible. I've been looking for another job for onto four or five months now, I forget, and haven't had much luck... I even considered the Coast Guard (on the basis that it's the ONLY bloody service not going to Iraq, even if they do handle druggies all the time) and I wasn't even given a chance since I've had asthma after 12 years of age...hmph, haven't even had to take meds in months, and I'm pretty sure I'm over it completely, even IF I get sick (the last time I did get sick I had no meds left nor the money to buy more, yet I survived, praise God). The idea of doing something beneficial for others with a forced push towards my own physical strength, health, and discipline whether I liked it or not was something that I really believed would be for the best for me (not to mention the whole "being a sailor" and "using a gun" combination).
Anyway, that idea bunked out. I've actually lately been looking into becoming (here comes the ultimate unexpected one for anyone who used to know me) a police officer. Yeah, weird huh? But I look at it this way...
Drugs have ruined my life. Marijuana by itself has. If I hadn't spent so many hours baked as a cheesecake over at my friends' houses and actually kept the work ethic up I had before I started partying that second year at FSU, I would be a college grad now. My options would be better, and I could at the very least teach full time for double the pay with benefits and summer salary. I could go into a lot of other positions I've considered but haven't been qualified for sans degree. And frankly, I would love a chance to help prevent that from happening to even one other person. I was one of the lucky people involved with one of the LEAST invasive chemicals in the known world, and that screwed me over to a point where I wish to God I could turn it around and do it all over... and so I can only imagine how the bulk stuff is screwing over others. It would be a good paying job with excellent benefits, perks, and for the kid in me, the ability to drive really bloody fast and carry a gun. (All jokes aside, could I kill someone? Probably, if it was a life or death situation, but I would preferably knee-cap or shoulder someone if given the choice.) It's something I've actually thought about since I got clean.
The Atlantic Beach department here (a suburb of Jax) has a training program where they'll actually pay you to go to the police academy and give you a spot as soon as you get out, but you have to sign up for 3 years. No biggie. The physical requirements are pretty lax...two 220 yard runs, a sprint, a few hurdles, a wall that's shorter than my girlfriend by a foot... I even pass all the disqualifiers, except they have a 5-year-off-drugs rule, and I don't want to lie on the application. I'm gonna still try and see if they will waiver it, one of the officers suggested it when I asked about it, but the likeliness is thin, so for the time being I have to look to another idea. The other forces here have a 2-year rule, but they won't pay for training, so I'd have to have another job at the time if I went that route. I'm still thinking about it all.
God hasn't really cleared me off for all that. I'm not really getting a signal one way or the other yet, you know? It's just one option I thought alot about, and even though most people laughed when I brought it up (Jess SWEARS it's not that I'd be incapable, just that most people would never believe I'd even LIKE cops let alone want to be one) and it kinda makes sense. I'm not 100% it's the route I wanted to go, just, like I said, I thought about it a lot. My worries aren't really even the danger, but...well, what would I do in good consience if I knew someone else was dirty? That's the only thing that concerns me, because I know it happens, and I am trying to live a life as dictated by God...but going against that kind of flow is a dangerous thing.
Anywho, like I said, this is all speculation into a probability...a few months ago I was SURE I was going to be a writer...I still think I will be one day, but I don't really think formal training is in my future. My mind constantly goes off tangents with these "What if" scenarios.
Still, it sure shows how much I've changed. Five years ago...heck, two years ago, I'd snort derisively at anyone who even considered that option. But that's a whole other discussion...I could go on for a looong time at my maturation and how it continues to amaze me, yet my unsatisfaction with it in comparison to my potential is staggering.
And with that I'll leave off, because I still have to look for another job, since it's an early release day, I had last period planning, and I actually have the time to (for once). I need out of subbing...I hate knowing my position is useless and can be essentially filled by anyone with half a brain.