Chalet School: Five things that Con wishes she'd said
Chalet School:
Five things that Con wishes she'd said. For emeraldsword
This was actually really difficult. Con is renowned for saying everything that's in her head and 'blurting things out'. Not for wishing she'd said something. So yes. Please bear that in mind and forgive me.
1. "Margot, have you thought of going to Australia and telling Emmy how you feel?"
Con has wished for years that she had said that. Every time she sees Margot's bleak, emotionless face behind the nun's habit that she wears. But it was so soon, so soon after Mary-Lou had told her about not blurting out what she was thinking. And Con thought that it would be probing too far. Now, seeing Margot - knowing that she's not fulfilled, not as she could be... she wishes she'd taken that step and said the unforgiveable.
2. "Yes."
Such a simple word, you'd think. But she just hadn't expected it when Roger Richardson asked her to marry him and she'd stammered "no!" before she'd had a chance to think about it. She didn't mean "NO!", she just meant "Oh my goodness, someone's asked me to marry them. He loves me - like that!" But the word "no" was all that came out. And "yes" - "yes" was what she meant. Why hasn't he asked her again?
3. "Don't keep calling Margot your difficult child, Mamma. Please?"
Con doesn't know whether it would have made any difference if she had said it. Mamma probably wouldn't have taken any notice of her, just thinking that it was Con spouting out the first thing that occured to her - as usual. But Con had seen the hurt expression on Margot's face, seen the way that she BECAME more difficult to live up to Mamma's expectation - as if it were the only way she knew of getting her parents' attention. And... if Mamma had only once said "oh yes, Margot - she's the one we believe will be a fantastic success;" - what difference might it have made?
4. "Actually, I'm not the invisible triplet."
Len - the leader; the one with good advice, the right ideas, always sane, sensible and clever. Margot - rebellious, brilliant and stubborn. Con - who's she? "Talk to me! Pay me some attention! See what I'm like. You might actually like me!" But Con never said it, and they never did see her. Con, the incredible invisible Maynard.
5. "Yes, I'm a writer. I write erotica."
That was the trouble: Mamma was the writer. Even by saying she wanted to write, people presumed she meant that she wanted to write like Mamma. She didn't. Con.... Con's imagination strayed in ways that it seemed that Mamma's never did (except, she had eleven children, she couldn't be THAT innocent!). Con dreamed of knights and fair maidens, yes - but the dreams did not end with marriage. They had only just begun. Sensible, Catholic, prudent Mamma. She was the writer. And Con's writing... would have to follow suit. Whoever would have thought it of Josephine Bettany's daughter? But her love was in the writings she wrote for herself, that came straight from her imagination, that she never showed. "I write erotica." And she did. Well.
Five things that Con wishes she'd said. For emeraldsword
This was actually really difficult. Con is renowned for saying everything that's in her head and 'blurting things out'. Not for wishing she'd said something. So yes. Please bear that in mind and forgive me.
1. "Margot, have you thought of going to Australia and telling Emmy how you feel?"
Con has wished for years that she had said that. Every time she sees Margot's bleak, emotionless face behind the nun's habit that she wears. But it was so soon, so soon after Mary-Lou had told her about not blurting out what she was thinking. And Con thought that it would be probing too far. Now, seeing Margot - knowing that she's not fulfilled, not as she could be... she wishes she'd taken that step and said the unforgiveable.
2. "Yes."
Such a simple word, you'd think. But she just hadn't expected it when Roger Richardson asked her to marry him and she'd stammered "no!" before she'd had a chance to think about it. She didn't mean "NO!", she just meant "Oh my goodness, someone's asked me to marry them. He loves me - like that!" But the word "no" was all that came out. And "yes" - "yes" was what she meant. Why hasn't he asked her again?
3. "Don't keep calling Margot your difficult child, Mamma. Please?"
Con doesn't know whether it would have made any difference if she had said it. Mamma probably wouldn't have taken any notice of her, just thinking that it was Con spouting out the first thing that occured to her - as usual. But Con had seen the hurt expression on Margot's face, seen the way that she BECAME more difficult to live up to Mamma's expectation - as if it were the only way she knew of getting her parents' attention. And... if Mamma had only once said "oh yes, Margot - she's the one we believe will be a fantastic success;" - what difference might it have made?
4. "Actually, I'm not the invisible triplet."
Len - the leader; the one with good advice, the right ideas, always sane, sensible and clever. Margot - rebellious, brilliant and stubborn. Con - who's she? "Talk to me! Pay me some attention! See what I'm like. You might actually like me!" But Con never said it, and they never did see her. Con, the incredible invisible Maynard.
5. "Yes, I'm a writer. I write erotica."
That was the trouble: Mamma was the writer. Even by saying she wanted to write, people presumed she meant that she wanted to write like Mamma. She didn't. Con.... Con's imagination strayed in ways that it seemed that Mamma's never did (except, she had eleven children, she couldn't be THAT innocent!). Con dreamed of knights and fair maidens, yes - but the dreams did not end with marriage. They had only just begun. Sensible, Catholic, prudent Mamma. She was the writer. And Con's writing... would have to follow suit. Whoever would have thought it of Josephine Bettany's daughter? But her love was in the writings she wrote for herself, that came straight from her imagination, that she never showed. "I write erotica." And she did. Well.