Harry Potter: Severus/Remus x 2
Severus/Remus (2 stories)
PG/PG13
Remus was waiting for the sky to fall in.
Could you help who you fell in love with? Sirius and James would say yes. Peter, too, for he always followed the majority opinion. So what they would say if they found out that Remus had fallen for, of all people, a Slytherin and, of all Slytherins, Severus Snape, he couldn’t bear to think.
Which was why he was creeping out of the Gryffindor Common Room at ten o’clock at night to meet his lover in an empty classroom.
“What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” Whoever had first said that was an idiot. The longer it went on, the more hopeless and out of control Remus felt, as if any strength he had ever had had left him.
He was the first to the meeting place and he sat alone on one of the desks, unhappy and confused. He should stop seeing Severus. No, he should tell James and Sirius that they were together, that he loved him. No, he couldn’t do that. He should stop seeing Severus.
The classroom door opened, and a pale skinned, black haired boy entered. Remus wondered again what it was about this sour faced boy which made his heart leap, even as it turned over inside him. And he smiled shakily at his lover. Stop seeing him? How could he?
Their coupling was brief and hasty, as always. There was always the fear that someone might walk in on them. This fear was compounded in Remus that his friends, noticing him missing, would be the ones to find them. If they found the pair of them together, it would be bad enough; his mind shied away from what would happen if they found Severus fucking him. And he knew that Severus knew; knew that he was aware of the shame that Remus felt about their relationship; knew that it hurt him, though he had never, and would never, say. And he despised himself the more.
“What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” It sure as hell wasn’t making him stronger, but sometimes Remus thought it might be killing him.
****
Severus hesitated for a moment.
what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
Yes, but he wanted Lupin. He could pretend, if he concentrated hard enough, that he just wanted Remus for the pleasure his body could bring, even though deep inside, he knew that it was for the comfort his presence would bring.
Ever since Remus had joined the school as a teacher, Severus had been fighting the dichotomy inside him: with one breath telling Dumbledore that Lupin wasn’t to be trusted; with the other, inviting Remus to spend time with him - often insulting him, yes, but invariably ending up in bed with him. And, however strenuously he tried to ignore it, finding himself falling for him once again, just as he had when they were teenagers together; when Remus had betrayed him, laughing at him and teasing him with his so-called friends the Marauders, then coming back to him once again to declare his love.
what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
It hadn’t killed him then; he could live with it now, whatever happened. He would not let the boy-who-was-now-a-man break his heart. How could he? After all Lupin had already broken it, years ago. Severus rubbed a hand against his forehead, trying to empty his brains of the thoughts pounding through it. Then he strode to the fireplace, grabbed a handful of sparkles and threw them on the flames.
Five seconds later, Remus appeared, spinning in the fireplace. His face, as usual, was mild and expressionless.
“You called, Severus?”
“Yes,” snapped Severus, already hating himself for the need and desire he had for this man.
“How can I help?” Remus stepped out of the fire, brushing the ash off his tatty robes, and looking around as if to see if there was any other person present.
“No, darling Potter isn’t here this time,” ground out Severus, every tone of his voice full of bitterness. “And don’t think I don’t know that you protected him last time. You always stood up for his father - when you dared - and you’ll stand up for the son as well. I know where I stand on your priority list.”
Remus blinked, his eyes still looking everywhere but at his lover.
“What did you expect me to do, Severus?”
“For once in your cowardly life, you could have told the truth!” Severus was angry, and as always when that happened, his voice, instead of getting louder, was getting quieter with every syllable he uttered. “Oh, don’t bother to deny it: you gave the boy that map and then covered for him.”
Remus at last raised his eyes to Severus’s. Briefly.
“It would be pointless, I suppose, to say that I have no idea where he got that map from?” His voice was tired.
“Oh, please, Lupin - don’t give me that…”
Remus sighed, and walked a couple more paces into the room.
“Then I won’t. Why did you call me, Severus?” he asked, hopelessly.
For a few seconds, Snape’s face tightened in his endeavour to avoid emotion. Then he replied
“Why do you think, Remus? What reasons would I have to call you? Is there more than one thing I ask you to my room for?”
Remus winced, as if the words hurt him.
“I see,” he said quietly.
His eyes met Severus’s again, and the hurt was reflected in them, too. But Severus had seen that expression before, and had learnt that he couldn’t believe everything reflected in Remus’s eyes. Those eyes had told him about love; had told him that nothing could separate them. But he had let a couple of immature Gryffindors part them; had turned his back on Severus; had let his fear overcome his love, and had sent Severus spinning back to the one man who had never lied to him, though his cruelty had been regular - had sent Severus back to his father, Tom Riddle, Lord Voldemort.
And as Severus could never forgive himself for the things he had done on his father’s orders, he could not forgive Remus for the multitude of betrayals that had led him back to him.
what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
And Severus liked to think he was strong now; strong enough to use Remus for his body, and ignore the pleadings of a heart that still cared; strong enough to meet those eyes with pride and disdain, ignoring the message in them; strong enough to kiss Remus, to fuck him, but not to mistake these physical desires for love.
And he moved forwards, eyes never leaving Remus’s, but with not a trace of pity in them, just a hard cold look which froze his lover to the core, even as he took him fiercely into his arms.
PG/PG13
Remus was waiting for the sky to fall in.
Could you help who you fell in love with? Sirius and James would say yes. Peter, too, for he always followed the majority opinion. So what they would say if they found out that Remus had fallen for, of all people, a Slytherin and, of all Slytherins, Severus Snape, he couldn’t bear to think.
Which was why he was creeping out of the Gryffindor Common Room at ten o’clock at night to meet his lover in an empty classroom.
“What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” Whoever had first said that was an idiot. The longer it went on, the more hopeless and out of control Remus felt, as if any strength he had ever had had left him.
He was the first to the meeting place and he sat alone on one of the desks, unhappy and confused. He should stop seeing Severus. No, he should tell James and Sirius that they were together, that he loved him. No, he couldn’t do that. He should stop seeing Severus.
The classroom door opened, and a pale skinned, black haired boy entered. Remus wondered again what it was about this sour faced boy which made his heart leap, even as it turned over inside him. And he smiled shakily at his lover. Stop seeing him? How could he?
Their coupling was brief and hasty, as always. There was always the fear that someone might walk in on them. This fear was compounded in Remus that his friends, noticing him missing, would be the ones to find them. If they found the pair of them together, it would be bad enough; his mind shied away from what would happen if they found Severus fucking him. And he knew that Severus knew; knew that he was aware of the shame that Remus felt about their relationship; knew that it hurt him, though he had never, and would never, say. And he despised himself the more.
“What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” It sure as hell wasn’t making him stronger, but sometimes Remus thought it might be killing him.
****
Severus hesitated for a moment.
what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
Yes, but he wanted Lupin. He could pretend, if he concentrated hard enough, that he just wanted Remus for the pleasure his body could bring, even though deep inside, he knew that it was for the comfort his presence would bring.
Ever since Remus had joined the school as a teacher, Severus had been fighting the dichotomy inside him: with one breath telling Dumbledore that Lupin wasn’t to be trusted; with the other, inviting Remus to spend time with him - often insulting him, yes, but invariably ending up in bed with him. And, however strenuously he tried to ignore it, finding himself falling for him once again, just as he had when they were teenagers together; when Remus had betrayed him, laughing at him and teasing him with his so-called friends the Marauders, then coming back to him once again to declare his love.
what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
It hadn’t killed him then; he could live with it now, whatever happened. He would not let the boy-who-was-now-a-man break his heart. How could he? After all Lupin had already broken it, years ago. Severus rubbed a hand against his forehead, trying to empty his brains of the thoughts pounding through it. Then he strode to the fireplace, grabbed a handful of sparkles and threw them on the flames.
Five seconds later, Remus appeared, spinning in the fireplace. His face, as usual, was mild and expressionless.
“You called, Severus?”
“Yes,” snapped Severus, already hating himself for the need and desire he had for this man.
“How can I help?” Remus stepped out of the fire, brushing the ash off his tatty robes, and looking around as if to see if there was any other person present.
“No, darling Potter isn’t here this time,” ground out Severus, every tone of his voice full of bitterness. “And don’t think I don’t know that you protected him last time. You always stood up for his father - when you dared - and you’ll stand up for the son as well. I know where I stand on your priority list.”
Remus blinked, his eyes still looking everywhere but at his lover.
“What did you expect me to do, Severus?”
“For once in your cowardly life, you could have told the truth!” Severus was angry, and as always when that happened, his voice, instead of getting louder, was getting quieter with every syllable he uttered. “Oh, don’t bother to deny it: you gave the boy that map and then covered for him.”
Remus at last raised his eyes to Severus’s. Briefly.
“It would be pointless, I suppose, to say that I have no idea where he got that map from?” His voice was tired.
“Oh, please, Lupin - don’t give me that…”
Remus sighed, and walked a couple more paces into the room.
“Then I won’t. Why did you call me, Severus?” he asked, hopelessly.
For a few seconds, Snape’s face tightened in his endeavour to avoid emotion. Then he replied
“Why do you think, Remus? What reasons would I have to call you? Is there more than one thing I ask you to my room for?”
Remus winced, as if the words hurt him.
“I see,” he said quietly.
His eyes met Severus’s again, and the hurt was reflected in them, too. But Severus had seen that expression before, and had learnt that he couldn’t believe everything reflected in Remus’s eyes. Those eyes had told him about love; had told him that nothing could separate them. But he had let a couple of immature Gryffindors part them; had turned his back on Severus; had let his fear overcome his love, and had sent Severus spinning back to the one man who had never lied to him, though his cruelty had been regular - had sent Severus back to his father, Tom Riddle, Lord Voldemort.
And as Severus could never forgive himself for the things he had done on his father’s orders, he could not forgive Remus for the multitude of betrayals that had led him back to him.
what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
And Severus liked to think he was strong now; strong enough to use Remus for his body, and ignore the pleadings of a heart that still cared; strong enough to meet those eyes with pride and disdain, ignoring the message in them; strong enough to kiss Remus, to fuck him, but not to mistake these physical desires for love.
And he moved forwards, eyes never leaving Remus’s, but with not a trace of pity in them, just a hard cold look which froze his lover to the core, even as he took him fiercely into his arms.