Boy
I've only been home like 5 days in the past month. My new lifell be over soon though cause 40 applications and I still dont have a job.. life uses gas and gas costs a lot of money, especially when it relies upon one boy who lives 20 minutes away (at 40-50 mph)who has no car of his own.
Yesterday I went to Days at the Park to meet Andrew (we spent all of the past 5 days together, part of which involved me walking 10 hours within a 24 hour period and injuring my foot from overexersion or w/e he said it was). When it got late he said it was a nice night and I said 'but I can never see the stars.' After that, we picked up Chris to go to some party. Andrew promised that at least one of them would be with me at any time, but we got to where the person said the party was and no one was there. So they didnt know where to sleep and Andrew said 'we could just crash outside at her grandmas with her' and I said if they wanted to stay with me we could inside. (oh yeah, I've taken to sleeping outside on my grandmas porch swing. Theres a roof and all around it are trees, like a canapy, with the dark sky peaking through. Lovely.
We picked up Chucky, their friend, and then went to Chuckys house for his car and some girl I dont know, and then we all went in two seperate cars to Chris's driveway where they all drank and smoked. Andrew bought a liter of smirnoff off of chris cause I wont drink icky beer, but I was designated driver, so i saved it. Amber called Andrew because she's an attention seeking slut and Andrew dragged me off to talk in private, and we ended up sitting alone in my car without the others talking. He stared in my eyes and told me all the little details about how beautiful they are, cause they're 'brown, but a pretty brown' with green around the edges and specks of.. and yeah whatever. So the others let us know they were leaving and Andrew had me get out of the car with him and lie down on the hood to look up. There was like a dome where the pollution isnt so thick and we could see stars and we just stayed there for a really long time, looking up and him pointing out the constellations and such, then we got too cold and headed to my grandmas, just the two of us. We sat outside where he told me stories and I drank the liter, and he said I drink faster than most people he knew.. He also gave me some energy pill (which he bought over the counter). I was really really tired but he wouldnt let me sleep, saying to wait for the pill to kick in. We didn't DO anything, he didn't even touch me any lower than my collar bone, but he was trying to keep me awake in a way that I won't discuss anyway, then finally he was tired too and he pulled me down on top of him to sleep. I ended up waking with a panic attack and shaking horribly, but eventually fell asleep again and started waking up like every 45 minutes feeling like crap.At 7:30 I went for a walk because I was shaking badly and wanted to take my mind off it so I could calm down, then went back to bed. At 9:30 I woke up feeling fine, then I threw up and felt sick all morning (I had had nothing in my body for three days except 2/3 a bottle of wine (the night before)and the liter of smirnoff and energy pill that night, which probably had a lot to do with this- I've never vomited from drinking before.
I brought him home with me and no one was home, but he let me take a nap since it was his fault I only got 2-3 hours of sleep. I woke up and moved to sleep on him.. we went back to the park, and once we met up with a group of his friends it was like I wasnt there, so I ended up going for a walk (which hurt a lot actually) an then stopped to sit on a natural bench (a tree) and watched the lake. Then he disappeared and I couldnt get ahold of him and started panicking and getting pissed with him for not answering his phone (panicking cause he drove and I had no idea where or how to find my car in that crowd). When we finally met, just before going to the fireworks, I was so angry so he just ignored me, which made me angrier. But then he left our group to find Chris (who had three cops following him and was high and freaking out)and when he came back (unable to find Chris) he sat right next to me a bit diagonally and I was shivering and had missed him, so I shifted right next to him and he wrapped his arms around me to keep me warm and stayed like that til we went to my car. The fireworks were amazing. He was going to stay with me again but the party was canceled and my grandpa wasnt happy about him staying with me the night before, and it was 11 at night so we had no other options- I left him at his house and headed home. Saw Chris walking through the IGA parking lot around the corner from Andrews, so I turned in to talk to him and see what was going on, and ended up taking him home.
I'm upset that we couldnt spend tonight together- I was looking forward to it. It was rather nice.
stuff here prolly doesnt make sense. I'm exhausted.
Yesterday I went to Days at the Park to meet Andrew (we spent all of the past 5 days together, part of which involved me walking 10 hours within a 24 hour period and injuring my foot from overexersion or w/e he said it was). When it got late he said it was a nice night and I said 'but I can never see the stars.' After that, we picked up Chris to go to some party. Andrew promised that at least one of them would be with me at any time, but we got to where the person said the party was and no one was there. So they didnt know where to sleep and Andrew said 'we could just crash outside at her grandmas with her' and I said if they wanted to stay with me we could inside. (oh yeah, I've taken to sleeping outside on my grandmas porch swing. Theres a roof and all around it are trees, like a canapy, with the dark sky peaking through. Lovely.
We picked up Chucky, their friend, and then went to Chuckys house for his car and some girl I dont know, and then we all went in two seperate cars to Chris's driveway where they all drank and smoked. Andrew bought a liter of smirnoff off of chris cause I wont drink icky beer, but I was designated driver, so i saved it. Amber called Andrew because she's an attention seeking slut and Andrew dragged me off to talk in private, and we ended up sitting alone in my car without the others talking. He stared in my eyes and told me all the little details about how beautiful they are, cause they're 'brown, but a pretty brown' with green around the edges and specks of.. and yeah whatever. So the others let us know they were leaving and Andrew had me get out of the car with him and lie down on the hood to look up. There was like a dome where the pollution isnt so thick and we could see stars and we just stayed there for a really long time, looking up and him pointing out the constellations and such, then we got too cold and headed to my grandmas, just the two of us. We sat outside where he told me stories and I drank the liter, and he said I drink faster than most people he knew.. He also gave me some energy pill (which he bought over the counter). I was really really tired but he wouldnt let me sleep, saying to wait for the pill to kick in. We didn't DO anything, he didn't even touch me any lower than my collar bone, but he was trying to keep me awake in a way that I won't discuss anyway, then finally he was tired too and he pulled me down on top of him to sleep. I ended up waking with a panic attack and shaking horribly, but eventually fell asleep again and started waking up like every 45 minutes feeling like crap.At 7:30 I went for a walk because I was shaking badly and wanted to take my mind off it so I could calm down, then went back to bed. At 9:30 I woke up feeling fine, then I threw up and felt sick all morning (I had had nothing in my body for three days except 2/3 a bottle of wine (the night before)and the liter of smirnoff and energy pill that night, which probably had a lot to do with this- I've never vomited from drinking before.
I brought him home with me and no one was home, but he let me take a nap since it was his fault I only got 2-3 hours of sleep. I woke up and moved to sleep on him.. we went back to the park, and once we met up with a group of his friends it was like I wasnt there, so I ended up going for a walk (which hurt a lot actually) an then stopped to sit on a natural bench (a tree) and watched the lake. Then he disappeared and I couldnt get ahold of him and started panicking and getting pissed with him for not answering his phone (panicking cause he drove and I had no idea where or how to find my car in that crowd). When we finally met, just before going to the fireworks, I was so angry so he just ignored me, which made me angrier. But then he left our group to find Chris (who had three cops following him and was high and freaking out)and when he came back (unable to find Chris) he sat right next to me a bit diagonally and I was shivering and had missed him, so I shifted right next to him and he wrapped his arms around me to keep me warm and stayed like that til we went to my car. The fireworks were amazing. He was going to stay with me again but the party was canceled and my grandpa wasnt happy about him staying with me the night before, and it was 11 at night so we had no other options- I left him at his house and headed home. Saw Chris walking through the IGA parking lot around the corner from Andrews, so I turned in to talk to him and see what was going on, and ended up taking him home.
I'm upset that we couldnt spend tonight together- I was looking forward to it. It was rather nice.
stuff here prolly doesnt make sense. I'm exhausted.