(no subject)
i got sad today.
one of my students told me that when he was fifteen, over a decade ago, he saw an eight year-old boy fall from his 10-story high balcony.
he had been waving to his mother. the impact did kill him.
i forgot about it later in the conversation. and then i got on my bus to go home, and i felt sad the whole way.
and then i saw this girl who looked so happy and beautiful, and i felt so alone.
the bus ride that i usually love every day to sit and contemplate my life turned into an ugly moment.
and my music felt old and typical and my hair felt tangled and my leg was too hot because i was leaning against the heater.
but the walk from the bus loop was so cold, and my left ear bud kept falling out because i forgot to adjust it earlier.
and everyone seemed so much skinnier than me. and i couldn't move my short legs fast enough.
and the sunset was beautiful, but when i remarked about it, everyone thought it wasn't the best one they had ever seen.
because they've been spoiled by beauty. and that was the saddest thing i had ever heard.
i hated myself for a moment for wanting to be more beautiful, because i realized i am so lucky to not be completely unfortunate. and i am smart enough. and i have friends and family who love me. and for everyone who doesn't, that is just so sad.
so i came to my room and inhaled a little rapidly for five breaths. my eyes became very damp and my body sunk a little.
then i washed my face and ate dinner. and i drank some chocolate milk (which i never drink) and i felt a little better.
but i couldn't write a decent poem, so instead i just jotted down everything that happened on livejournal and i hope that will be good enough.
oh, and i read post secret. that didn't help.
one of my students told me that when he was fifteen, over a decade ago, he saw an eight year-old boy fall from his 10-story high balcony.
he had been waving to his mother. the impact did kill him.
i forgot about it later in the conversation. and then i got on my bus to go home, and i felt sad the whole way.
and then i saw this girl who looked so happy and beautiful, and i felt so alone.
the bus ride that i usually love every day to sit and contemplate my life turned into an ugly moment.
and my music felt old and typical and my hair felt tangled and my leg was too hot because i was leaning against the heater.
but the walk from the bus loop was so cold, and my left ear bud kept falling out because i forgot to adjust it earlier.
and everyone seemed so much skinnier than me. and i couldn't move my short legs fast enough.
and the sunset was beautiful, but when i remarked about it, everyone thought it wasn't the best one they had ever seen.
because they've been spoiled by beauty. and that was the saddest thing i had ever heard.
i hated myself for a moment for wanting to be more beautiful, because i realized i am so lucky to not be completely unfortunate. and i am smart enough. and i have friends and family who love me. and for everyone who doesn't, that is just so sad.
so i came to my room and inhaled a little rapidly for five breaths. my eyes became very damp and my body sunk a little.
then i washed my face and ate dinner. and i drank some chocolate milk (which i never drink) and i felt a little better.
but i couldn't write a decent poem, so instead i just jotted down everything that happened on livejournal and i hope that will be good enough.
oh, and i read post secret. that didn't help.