you are not a part of me!

[iamimpermanence]

coming back here felt so good.  like a breath of fresh air.  or real air.
unlike the synthetic air i feel i breathe and produce and shroud myself in at home.

it's hard to watch how i have grown from them, how i have detached.  how they are so wrapped in all the things that happened so long ago and how they will never see me as anything else.
because i am not that person anymore.

and as for him, i wish i could have said more.
all the things i think we could laugh about, because i know he gets the jokes and it's not awkward.
but people make it awkward with their whispers and stares and assumptions.
so i roll my eyes and keep it light.

but even as my old self, raised from memories past by the cause of being surrounded by the people i created them with, i found i could not make fantasies about him.
every one of the thousand ways we could have snuck off; a closet, my car, anything... i didn't want any of it.
i felt nothing but love and care.  but i wanted nothing of his heart or his body.
i have been saying i was over him for months, but that night i proved it to myself.

so i really wish everyone would just let me.