Living Dead Girl... Uhm.. yeah.
It's interesting how little things just come up nowadays.
Like how many times I've been called dead.
How many times can a person really die anyway?
I guess there's just a point in people's life where "The Reckoning" occurs. I found mind in college.
Actually, no. That was a lie.
I'll give you a big tip:
DO NOT BURN ALTARS UNLESS YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO REBUILD IT!
Which then falls under another problem....
Don't get sucky roomates who hate every tiny existence of your being!
I feel everyone has their reckoning.. mine was when I destroyed my faith..
Well, not even that. I released all the energy of myself, that had been accumulating for about four years. Anyone who has ever seen my room.. knew that it was my safe haven. KNEW that it was my escape. I haven't slept in that room for going on 9 months now. I can't believe it.
Man, time flies.
Almost a year now, and I'm still thriving on my own away from my mother. And I'm about to make a statement most people thought they'd never hear in their lives...
My mom, actually turned cool... nice.. caring.. etc.
(Nice motherly things.)
You see, a lot happens when you move out, a fledgling to the wind- so on and so forth. When people tell you that you get along much better when you don't live with your parents. They are absolutely right. My mom and I have not helped each other as much, or even talked as much as we have in the whole time I lived with her... with the exceptions of the times she's yelled at me. Those could last hours. :-(
I finally set up my altar probably a little less than a week ago... and I have never believe more in my faith since. I won't go about revealing information.. I'd consider it unwise to brandish this unquestionable phenom ena.. instead I choose to be happy in it and continue on with my spiritual growth.
I have... a plan.
I have learned a valuable lesson that I feel everyone should learn:
If you take the time and effort to learn and love everything about yourself....
IT DOES YOU WONDERS.
You are your own hope. Interesting concept.
But really, I'm serious. I need a little more motivation in some areas of my life.. but so far, my path of universal healing I think is going pretty well.
OK, forget the fact I'm up at 4 in the morning typing a bunch of rambles...
I have two years of college under my belt... and I'm still looking for a job. Not neccessarily looking, just waiting for my callbacks. There's only so many interviews I can go to without going crazy. I've gone through 4 jobs in 3 1/2 months, and it's definitely pissing me off.
TOP THREE PLACES TO WORK AT.... NOT!
1. Xcessories - Spring Hill Mall
Why? Let me put this to you as briefly as possibe...
Owner- FAT, SAUSAGE FINGERS, BELITTLING, CONNIVING, LIAR, and CHEAT.
2. Snap-On Auto Parts - Crystal Lake
Why? They literally fire you for doing your job. I'm not kidding.
3. Randall Roadhouse - Carpentersville
Why? A.) They fire you for doing your job... again, I'm not kidding.
B.) When they can't think of a good reason to fire you, they hire a much more beautiful hostess from California and tell you that there's too many people on the schedule to you on. Yeah... ok.
Ok, so there's a lot of positive coming back. I just had an interview today for a Medical Office position, that I'm really hoping for. If anyone wants to send prayer, (Wicca or other, I really don't care. Prayer power is valuable as long as the person praying believe fullheartedly.) then please, send a good word my way. I think by now, I deserve a break. Thanks, for all those who are supporting me. You guys rule.
I also have an application for a Bank Teller at a small town bank. I can just see it.. me.. a bank teller. I think I'd have a heart attack seeing all that money and knowing it wasn't mine to help pay for school and debts. Oy.
So yeah.. for all those that are actually wondering what's happened to that happy-go-lucky Hippie chick people loved... or hated. Whichever the case may be... Here's my story in a nutshell:
1. School was stressful and I fled the scene before the "man" could get me. I recall a very charming man that once watched a great movie with me that protested the man. I loved every second, and learned lots.
2. However, I still am in school- studying two majors at my local college.. which is conveniently in my backyard. Again, if you think I'm kidding.. I'm not and have pictures, damn it.
3. I have been going through a period of financial duress.. meaning... I'm in debt big time.. and I really don't like to show my face when I'm sad and depressed. And I also don't like wasting other people's time with my petty, irritating stories. And don't tell me they're not. I get annoyed listening to myself bitch every other day.
4. I've been suffering from pre-symptoms of ovarian cancer, and this has put me in a neurotic state. As of right now I am temporarily "fixed" to where I can't have children. Could be a good thing, could be a life shattering thing.
5. For all those who care, yes.. I am a smoker now have been for quite some time. I don't intend on stopping anytime soon, at least until after I get out of college. Oh, and my family knows about this- so just in case you read this and think.. "Oh! The goody-goody is doing something naughty.." Well get over it. My mom smokes too. Go figure. *rolls eyes*
6. As to the prior statement, I really don't care if you think of me less for that... they're my lungs, and it's better than some alternatives I've seen.
7. And then there was the psycosis. Yes, I went mentally insane for a period of time... contemplated death, feared my dreams weren't going to happen.. yadda yadda... pressures build up, and they suck. What has kept me around? I'm stubborn. Dying would be too easy, and I have too much to fuckin' prove. If that's not a good enough reason to live, I don't know what the hell is. I don't want people thinking the last thought of me as a quitter.. I'd rather people see me healed from all this time of hardship, and learn to love me and accept me once more.. like things were.
8. I've spent a lot of time personally researching myself. I would rather know all there is to know about me, before going out into the wild and expecting everyone else to know me, as well. How the HELL do people think that if they don't know what THEY want.. that others will just automatically know? It's crazy, I tell you. So yeah, chalk up a bunch more with this whole learning experience.. I'm still trying to pinpoint exactly what I want... but it's there. It'll come to me when it's ready.
9. Ah yes.. my favorite part. The LARP'ing. I have found a way to become my inner inhibitions.. muahahahaha... It's like Halloween every Friday night. Dressing up in sexy vampire clothing, being the only chick with real vampy fangs, and playing an Amnesiac character at that. A whole night of being someone else, who has the power to kill at will, but must exercise a method of restraint as to not breach the Masquerade. (It's a little difficult for me, as my fangs are permanent.)
10. I dressed up as Michael Jackson for Halloween.
You'd better believe that too. I was the most awful and scary thing at every party I went to that night... and let me tell you. ... I love being involved with the movie business. You seem to get your shit straight.
Now, that last one was meant for amusement only, I seriously did do it.. and anyone who knows me- I'm spontaneous and crazy like that.
Alright, I don't think I can write anymore.
THAT'S A LIE...
I really can write more, but I don't think it would be an interesting book if the whole story was finished before it started... speaking of which. I have Lit&Film to study.
Yeah... by the way.
I have learned alot about life, love, and luck in my travels....
I LOVE the fact that I'm LUCKY to be ALIVE.
Say hello, everyone, Nyki is back in business.. with a new 19.0 upgrade module.
That's computer geek for-
Guys, I've missed you, and I'm back.... and I've changed a lot.
P.S.
Please accept me.
Like how many times I've been called dead.
How many times can a person really die anyway?
I guess there's just a point in people's life where "The Reckoning" occurs. I found mind in college.
Actually, no. That was a lie.
I'll give you a big tip:
DO NOT BURN ALTARS UNLESS YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO REBUILD IT!
Which then falls under another problem....
Don't get sucky roomates who hate every tiny existence of your being!
I feel everyone has their reckoning.. mine was when I destroyed my faith..
Well, not even that. I released all the energy of myself, that had been accumulating for about four years. Anyone who has ever seen my room.. knew that it was my safe haven. KNEW that it was my escape. I haven't slept in that room for going on 9 months now. I can't believe it.
Man, time flies.
Almost a year now, and I'm still thriving on my own away from my mother. And I'm about to make a statement most people thought they'd never hear in their lives...
My mom, actually turned cool... nice.. caring.. etc.
(Nice motherly things.)
You see, a lot happens when you move out, a fledgling to the wind- so on and so forth. When people tell you that you get along much better when you don't live with your parents. They are absolutely right. My mom and I have not helped each other as much, or even talked as much as we have in the whole time I lived with her... with the exceptions of the times she's yelled at me. Those could last hours. :-(
I finally set up my altar probably a little less than a week ago... and I have never believe more in my faith since. I won't go about revealing information.. I'd consider it unwise to brandish this unquestionable phenom ena.. instead I choose to be happy in it and continue on with my spiritual growth.
I have... a plan.
I have learned a valuable lesson that I feel everyone should learn:
If you take the time and effort to learn and love everything about yourself....
IT DOES YOU WONDERS.
You are your own hope. Interesting concept.
But really, I'm serious. I need a little more motivation in some areas of my life.. but so far, my path of universal healing I think is going pretty well.
OK, forget the fact I'm up at 4 in the morning typing a bunch of rambles...
I have two years of college under my belt... and I'm still looking for a job. Not neccessarily looking, just waiting for my callbacks. There's only so many interviews I can go to without going crazy. I've gone through 4 jobs in 3 1/2 months, and it's definitely pissing me off.
TOP THREE PLACES TO WORK AT.... NOT!
1. Xcessories - Spring Hill Mall
Why? Let me put this to you as briefly as possibe...
Owner- FAT, SAUSAGE FINGERS, BELITTLING, CONNIVING, LIAR, and CHEAT.
2. Snap-On Auto Parts - Crystal Lake
Why? They literally fire you for doing your job. I'm not kidding.
3. Randall Roadhouse - Carpentersville
Why? A.) They fire you for doing your job... again, I'm not kidding.
B.) When they can't think of a good reason to fire you, they hire a much more beautiful hostess from California and tell you that there's too many people on the schedule to you on. Yeah... ok.
Ok, so there's a lot of positive coming back. I just had an interview today for a Medical Office position, that I'm really hoping for. If anyone wants to send prayer, (Wicca or other, I really don't care. Prayer power is valuable as long as the person praying believe fullheartedly.) then please, send a good word my way. I think by now, I deserve a break. Thanks, for all those who are supporting me. You guys rule.
I also have an application for a Bank Teller at a small town bank. I can just see it.. me.. a bank teller. I think I'd have a heart attack seeing all that money and knowing it wasn't mine to help pay for school and debts. Oy.
So yeah.. for all those that are actually wondering what's happened to that happy-go-lucky Hippie chick people loved... or hated. Whichever the case may be... Here's my story in a nutshell:
1. School was stressful and I fled the scene before the "man" could get me. I recall a very charming man that once watched a great movie with me that protested the man. I loved every second, and learned lots.
2. However, I still am in school- studying two majors at my local college.. which is conveniently in my backyard. Again, if you think I'm kidding.. I'm not and have pictures, damn it.
3. I have been going through a period of financial duress.. meaning... I'm in debt big time.. and I really don't like to show my face when I'm sad and depressed. And I also don't like wasting other people's time with my petty, irritating stories. And don't tell me they're not. I get annoyed listening to myself bitch every other day.
4. I've been suffering from pre-symptoms of ovarian cancer, and this has put me in a neurotic state. As of right now I am temporarily "fixed" to where I can't have children. Could be a good thing, could be a life shattering thing.
5. For all those who care, yes.. I am a smoker now have been for quite some time. I don't intend on stopping anytime soon, at least until after I get out of college. Oh, and my family knows about this- so just in case you read this and think.. "Oh! The goody-goody is doing something naughty.." Well get over it. My mom smokes too. Go figure. *rolls eyes*
6. As to the prior statement, I really don't care if you think of me less for that... they're my lungs, and it's better than some alternatives I've seen.
7. And then there was the psycosis. Yes, I went mentally insane for a period of time... contemplated death, feared my dreams weren't going to happen.. yadda yadda... pressures build up, and they suck. What has kept me around? I'm stubborn. Dying would be too easy, and I have too much to fuckin' prove. If that's not a good enough reason to live, I don't know what the hell is. I don't want people thinking the last thought of me as a quitter.. I'd rather people see me healed from all this time of hardship, and learn to love me and accept me once more.. like things were.
8. I've spent a lot of time personally researching myself. I would rather know all there is to know about me, before going out into the wild and expecting everyone else to know me, as well. How the HELL do people think that if they don't know what THEY want.. that others will just automatically know? It's crazy, I tell you. So yeah, chalk up a bunch more with this whole learning experience.. I'm still trying to pinpoint exactly what I want... but it's there. It'll come to me when it's ready.
9. Ah yes.. my favorite part. The LARP'ing. I have found a way to become my inner inhibitions.. muahahahaha... It's like Halloween every Friday night. Dressing up in sexy vampire clothing, being the only chick with real vampy fangs, and playing an Amnesiac character at that. A whole night of being someone else, who has the power to kill at will, but must exercise a method of restraint as to not breach the Masquerade. (It's a little difficult for me, as my fangs are permanent.)
10. I dressed up as Michael Jackson for Halloween.
You'd better believe that too. I was the most awful and scary thing at every party I went to that night... and let me tell you. ... I love being involved with the movie business. You seem to get your shit straight.
Now, that last one was meant for amusement only, I seriously did do it.. and anyone who knows me- I'm spontaneous and crazy like that.
Alright, I don't think I can write anymore.
THAT'S A LIE...
I really can write more, but I don't think it would be an interesting book if the whole story was finished before it started... speaking of which. I have Lit&Film to study.
Yeah... by the way.
I have learned alot about life, love, and luck in my travels....
I LOVE the fact that I'm LUCKY to be ALIVE.
Say hello, everyone, Nyki is back in business.. with a new 19.0 upgrade module.
That's computer geek for-
Guys, I've missed you, and I'm back.... and I've changed a lot.
P.S.
Please accept me.