if i am gone and with no trace, i will be in my minor place
lately i feel like i don't really have one TRUE friend. the only one that comes to mind is emily--and i never really even see her. she really is the only one of my friends though who i feel certain wouldn't talk about me behind my back or tell my secrets. this summer has been incredibly hard for me because of what i'm realizing about my friendships here at school and the ones that i've lost/not kept up with. even my own boyfriend.
it's really upsetting because i try really hard to be the best possible friend that i can be. of course everyone hurts someone once in awhile--a lot of times without even realizing it. it's never fixed when someone doesn't tell you what you've done to upset them. i've worked on that a lot in the past two years. it's still hard for me--to be vocal about what is hurting me. i just feel like i'm trying so hard--and i just keep feeling hurt and boring and like i can't depend on anyone.
it's so hard to hang out with your friends and know that their little jokes are about secrets that you've told to a friend that you trusted. right in front of your face. and you know it.
maybe God is punishing me for being terrible. i don't know. i'm trying so hard. i want to start to go to church again every sunday. it really keeps me on track. i really am happy--even though this sounds like i'm not. i just really wish that i had someone to talk to who i knew respected me and wouldn't go telling everyone everything that i tell them. i want to tell someone what i'm struggling with. every sermon/bible verses that i've read lately are stressing that i need to do it--but i can't--because i don't have someone.
it's really upsetting because i try really hard to be the best possible friend that i can be. of course everyone hurts someone once in awhile--a lot of times without even realizing it. it's never fixed when someone doesn't tell you what you've done to upset them. i've worked on that a lot in the past two years. it's still hard for me--to be vocal about what is hurting me. i just feel like i'm trying so hard--and i just keep feeling hurt and boring and like i can't depend on anyone.
it's so hard to hang out with your friends and know that their little jokes are about secrets that you've told to a friend that you trusted. right in front of your face. and you know it.
maybe God is punishing me for being terrible. i don't know. i'm trying so hard. i want to start to go to church again every sunday. it really keeps me on track. i really am happy--even though this sounds like i'm not. i just really wish that i had someone to talk to who i knew respected me and wouldn't go telling everyone everything that i tell them. i want to tell someone what i'm struggling with. every sermon/bible verses that i've read lately are stressing that i need to do it--but i can't--because i don't have someone.