Post Break Up: A Long Overdue Note
The shattering of every glass window ever made.
That was what it felt like - the aftermath from the words, “I’m sorry. I can’t fulfill the promise I made to you anymore.”
And then the deafening silence followed. As if every last creature on earth had gone mute, the wind had stopped howling, and the waves had calmed in mourning.
Momentarily, a black hole had appeared where my heart should have been. I imagine this is worse than being punched in the gut, unable to stand.
I couldn’t stand. Literally. But I also couldn’t stand the shock of everything I thought to be true turn out to be… well, nothing.
Nothing. Empty.
Empty is how I felt when you left.
Until it was slowly replaced by pain. As if I were waking up from an accident and slowly regaining feeling. Only to feel the bruises and cuts.
Yes, that’s what it was like when you left.
I couldn’t stand being alone so I kept myself busy and surrounded myself with people… anyone, really.
Just until I could tell myself that being alone didn’t have to mean lonely. That even if I was “without,” I was not lacking.
I cannot pinpoint the exact minute, hour, day, or circumstance, but I know that it happened. That I was eventually at peace with your decision even if I could not fully understand.
Thank you for your love. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for letting me go.
That was what it felt like - the aftermath from the words, “I’m sorry. I can’t fulfill the promise I made to you anymore.”
And then the deafening silence followed. As if every last creature on earth had gone mute, the wind had stopped howling, and the waves had calmed in mourning.
Momentarily, a black hole had appeared where my heart should have been. I imagine this is worse than being punched in the gut, unable to stand.
I couldn’t stand. Literally. But I also couldn’t stand the shock of everything I thought to be true turn out to be… well, nothing.
Nothing. Empty.
Empty is how I felt when you left.
Until it was slowly replaced by pain. As if I were waking up from an accident and slowly regaining feeling. Only to feel the bruises and cuts.
Yes, that’s what it was like when you left.
I couldn’t stand being alone so I kept myself busy and surrounded myself with people… anyone, really.
Just until I could tell myself that being alone didn’t have to mean lonely. That even if I was “without,” I was not lacking.
I cannot pinpoint the exact minute, hour, day, or circumstance, but I know that it happened. That I was eventually at peace with your decision even if I could not fully understand.
Thank you for your love. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for letting me go.