(no subject)
I learn many things about myself within the past couple months. It's been a little hard, losing someone I cared about and considered a friend, but I will be okay.
I discovered a concept that blew my mind recently. Each person has a life script that determines how they believe and react to certain situations. Once that fundamental belief or rule is violated, that person reacts with anger, depression, or sadness.
"Albert Ellis, the famous Psychologist and Founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, believed there were specific scripts and rules that many of us have in our relationships that lead our un-resourceful emotional states."
For me, the biggest rule would be #2. I didn't realize how much it was affecting me until this week. It was influenced by terrible experiences with friends, a lover, and my family in the past, and I was almost obsessive in making sure that my relationships were (in my opinion) fair and balanced and good. If they weren't, I wouldn't acknowledge those people or be their friend because, in my mind, they didn't deserve it.
It's very hurtful, actually. Many people have hurt me, but I also hurt myself. It's okay to feel sad, it's okay to feel angry. Feel these feelings, let them go. Accept people as who they are...
Here is a list of some life scripts I will try to follow from now on.
I feel that these mindsets will help me find peace with the most painful experiences I've ever had and will have, and when I am insecure and crippled with anxiety. I want to work for a better future for myself and the people around me, as well as work to not make my mother worry too much. But I will also care about ensuring that I am in a good state of mind to get what I want.
relationship-wise, I want a man who I am able to trust, that I can talk to with my thoughts and feelings and feel secure that he won't leave me. I must feel comfortable, not too anxious, to give him affection and my love. I am a little tired of men at the moment though, so who knows what will happen....
Work-wise, the department I am lacking the most.... haha. I guess... I feel that my reason for working hard is not important enough. I can't see how my artwork will help me work toward a better future. I want to help people and be an important figure in the community somehow. I want to be like Michelle Obama, Hilary Clinton, not necessarily in politics, but capable, strong women who can make a difference. They are great oraters and intelligent individuals. I want the world to be a better place because I was here. What will art do for me? What will visuel effects, 3d modeling, animation, or motion graphics do to help me in my goal?
I want money so I can have the means to make a diffference in the community. I guess I should work hard to become good at what I do, get a good job and get paid? Make enough to support myself and help others... Sounds like a plan.
I discovered a concept that blew my mind recently. Each person has a life script that determines how they believe and react to certain situations. Once that fundamental belief or rule is violated, that person reacts with anger, depression, or sadness.
"Albert Ellis, the famous Psychologist and Founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, believed there were specific scripts and rules that many of us have in our relationships that lead our un-resourceful emotional states."
- I must (or should or ought to) perform well and/or be approved by significant others. It is awful (or horrible or terrible) if I don’t. I can’t stand it. I am a pretty rotten person when I fail as I must not.
- Other people must treat me considerably and fairly. It is horrible if they don’t. When they fail me, they are bad individuals and I can’t bear them and their crummy behavior.
- Conditions must be the way I want them to be, and it is terrible when they are not. I can’t stand living in such an awful world.
For me, the biggest rule would be #2. I didn't realize how much it was affecting me until this week. It was influenced by terrible experiences with friends, a lover, and my family in the past, and I was almost obsessive in making sure that my relationships were (in my opinion) fair and balanced and good. If they weren't, I wouldn't acknowledge those people or be their friend because, in my mind, they didn't deserve it.
It's very hurtful, actually. Many people have hurt me, but I also hurt myself. It's okay to feel sad, it's okay to feel angry. Feel these feelings, let them go. Accept people as who they are...
Here is a list of some life scripts I will try to follow from now on.
- I don't need a partner to give me everything, even though it would be nice.
- Friendship is like a plant, you must water it for it to thrive. But some friendships are like cacti.
- I experience love anytime I give love
- I accept who I am, even though I may not like some of my traits and behaviors
Things are rarely as bad, awful, or catastrophic as I imagine them to be- When I appreciate what I have, I feel good.
- Poor decisions made in the past do not have to be repeated in the present.
- I take responsibility for where I’m currently at and don’t blame myself or others for poor results.
- Anytime I put in the effort I feel confident and am okay with any outcome.
- Just because I make a mistake does not mean I am a mistake.
- Doing badly never makes you a bad person - only imperfect. You have a right to be wrong
- Mistakes and rejections are inevitable. I will work hard at accepting myself while evaluating my mistakes and setbacks.
- No matter how bad any event was, I do not have to allow it to continue to have a negative influence on my life
- Be strong so you can be vulnerable.
I feel that these mindsets will help me find peace with the most painful experiences I've ever had and will have, and when I am insecure and crippled with anxiety. I want to work for a better future for myself and the people around me, as well as work to not make my mother worry too much. But I will also care about ensuring that I am in a good state of mind to get what I want.
relationship-wise, I want a man who I am able to trust, that I can talk to with my thoughts and feelings and feel secure that he won't leave me. I must feel comfortable, not too anxious, to give him affection and my love. I am a little tired of men at the moment though, so who knows what will happen....
Work-wise, the department I am lacking the most.... haha. I guess... I feel that my reason for working hard is not important enough. I can't see how my artwork will help me work toward a better future. I want to help people and be an important figure in the community somehow. I want to be like Michelle Obama, Hilary Clinton, not necessarily in politics, but capable, strong women who can make a difference. They are great oraters and intelligent individuals. I want the world to be a better place because I was here. What will art do for me? What will visuel effects, 3d modeling, animation, or motion graphics do to help me in my goal?
I want money so I can have the means to make a diffference in the community. I guess I should work hard to become good at what I do, get a good job and get paid? Make enough to support myself and help others... Sounds like a plan.