Gary fuckin' Hardoon

[iamcoolbeau]

If you take two letters out of his name, it spells Gay Hardon. Gary and I became friends in 6th grade. We became very close under some...circumstances...and have remained close since. In fact, the first or second time I ever went out it was with Gary. We went to the movies. I used to go to his house and play full-contact mini-basketball. Freshman year, we did a presentation with Stephan Georgiou (sp?) about The Pearl. I played a woman and stuck those same mini-basketballs in a tank top. And I wore a rastafarian wig. Gary has a 3000GT that he has never let me smoke a cigarette in. He's an asshole, but I think that's why were such great friends. His barmitzvah was basketball themed. He used to think he was black, but now he knows he's white and jewish. Sometimes I grab his hand when he's driving because I'm afraid. I have a funny picture of him eating a Vienna Finger. We used to play battleship and connect four in Calc, and we used to do the YMCA. One time I drew whiskers on my face and meowed at Gary. That's a little more about me, but I'm sure Gary will approve. Gary is probably my most sensible friend, which means he's kept me out of jail a few times. He'd help me hide a body if I needed him to. Trust me. He would. It's always fun to say the most fucked up thing possible to him and judge his reaction. Gary really likes the songs Keasby Nights by Catch 22 and Champs Elysses by NOFX, almost to a fault. Gary absoloutley LOVES the penis. So much. Theres nothing he loves more than the penis. Except maybe the balls. No, no, he probably likes the penis more. He goes to Cornell, and he's going out with Katie. He used to bowl for insane amounts of money, but then I think he realized that bowling is for people who don't have sex. Now he sticks to cards. Thank fucking god that bowling phase is over. I wanted to stab myself in the eye. That was probably the worst part of my life. I hate bowling. Back to Gary. He's addicted to Pai Gow too. I tried to bring Pai Gow to life when we first started playing cards like Junior Year but nobody wanted to. But now we do. And he really likes the Boondock Saints. Which is cool. He hates his stepmom. I hope she doesn't read this.

Thats pretty much all there is to Gary.