The Oncologist and I - 2
He continued, "Look, no one can fault you for anything you've done or you feel right now... That cancer was there AT LEAST 4-5 years, getting worse, pulling your system down, but your body fought it, and did a hell of a job. From what I saw, I can tell that you THOUGHT you were going to die. But, for all that - you didn't WANT to die. That was obvious. If you HAD given up, you would have stopped, or begged for lower doses, after #2. You would not have pushed to get the radiation started, you wouldn't have pushed to START this treatment. You have been pushed to the brink of death by surgeries, chemo, radiation, chemicals, drugs, name it. You won..."
"So, I'm doing, uh, OK?"
"For someone who is complaining about mental losses, you are remarkable. You speak clearly, concisely, you are capable of asking questions, you're not slurring your words..."
"But I was..."
"Yes, and we looked for what caused it, and I am 90% certain that the problems that you are having WILL go away, and ARE CAUSED by the chemo and radiation combination, along with the side-effects of the diabetes."
"So?"
"We will arrange for some Neurological Testing, it will take several weeks to set it up, and then several weeks to get results... but I don't think we'll find any permanent damage. By the time it's set up, if you're feeling and doing better, Cancel it. If it comes back, we can always reschedule. But, by June, when I see you again, you should be back to 90% or more of what you were. Within another 6 months, if you watch your diabetes, which is showing improvement, you may feel better than you have in years. You're a lucky man, with remarkable healing capabilities."
"I won't complain about that!"
"No, I wouldn't either. Look at you, you have more than 2 inches of hair. Most survivors, at this point, have little more than peach fuzz. We looked at your back... do you realize that the doctors at Memorial commented in your chart that they were amazed you could walk at all? Sure, you're on heavy-duty narcotics, but you're not full-time in a wheel chair!"
He continued, "With all the tests we've done, we could put the PET/CT off for a while, but I know you would rather be absolutely sure."
"Yes, I would"
Rather than going into the rest, he gave me some medicine which should help with the nausea (and other effects) which he said "I'm willing to bet that 60 days from now you won't need it at all"
The interesting part, which I mentioned to NO ONE until recently, was that after being assigned around his office, I ended up with the doctor who specialized in HOSPICE. Think about this my way... I have one of the worst kind of cancers - admittedly "curable" with proper, rapid, treatment, but I've had it for a while... a long while for cancer. I get assigned to the "Hospice" specialist. He says "I think we can do something about the cancer". I think "He thinks; I know it's bad; He specializes in Hospice. I'll fight it, but I don't really think I'm going to make it for the long term... they'll hold it off, but...."
Well, I am not likely to die of anything obvious, and not likely to die for a while. I'll still be a disabled diabetic.
It's a shame that I've been so sick, and so out of it for so long that I've done so much damage to so many things around me. I know that I'm still not the me I was even 16 months ago. I have to find out who and what I am, all over again.
Thank you for being there, helping, and putting up with me. I've needed you, appreciated you (even if I haven't said it often) and still need and want you. Really.
Thanks for sticking around. I hope the future will be worth it. I'm still depressed; my life is in shambles; but, I'm here for a while.
I would not have gotten this far without my immediate family: IAmCompuBear, ARainBowCat, Box_of_Chatter, GeminiMoonFrog, MTFierce and so many friends and acquaintances that I couldn't begin to mention them all.
It's not over yet. There's a lot left to do. But thank you all for sticking around as long as you have. I've got a lot of changing to deal with, but I at least have a reason for hope. Try not to give up on me now... I've got a while before I can find what I can - and can not - do. But, as I've said, my "meeting" with "Death" has been postponed for a while, and I have hope to give him a good run, or at least a brisk walk, even yet.
Love, Peace, Shalom, Blessed Be... L'Chiam!
"So, I'm doing, uh, OK?"
"For someone who is complaining about mental losses, you are remarkable. You speak clearly, concisely, you are capable of asking questions, you're not slurring your words..."
"But I was..."
"Yes, and we looked for what caused it, and I am 90% certain that the problems that you are having WILL go away, and ARE CAUSED by the chemo and radiation combination, along with the side-effects of the diabetes."
"So?"
"We will arrange for some Neurological Testing, it will take several weeks to set it up, and then several weeks to get results... but I don't think we'll find any permanent damage. By the time it's set up, if you're feeling and doing better, Cancel it. If it comes back, we can always reschedule. But, by June, when I see you again, you should be back to 90% or more of what you were. Within another 6 months, if you watch your diabetes, which is showing improvement, you may feel better than you have in years. You're a lucky man, with remarkable healing capabilities."
"I won't complain about that!"
"No, I wouldn't either. Look at you, you have more than 2 inches of hair. Most survivors, at this point, have little more than peach fuzz. We looked at your back... do you realize that the doctors at Memorial commented in your chart that they were amazed you could walk at all? Sure, you're on heavy-duty narcotics, but you're not full-time in a wheel chair!"
He continued, "With all the tests we've done, we could put the PET/CT off for a while, but I know you would rather be absolutely sure."
"Yes, I would"
Rather than going into the rest, he gave me some medicine which should help with the nausea (and other effects) which he said "I'm willing to bet that 60 days from now you won't need it at all"
The interesting part, which I mentioned to NO ONE until recently, was that after being assigned around his office, I ended up with the doctor who specialized in HOSPICE. Think about this my way... I have one of the worst kind of cancers - admittedly "curable" with proper, rapid, treatment, but I've had it for a while... a long while for cancer. I get assigned to the "Hospice" specialist. He says "I think we can do something about the cancer". I think "He thinks; I know it's bad; He specializes in Hospice. I'll fight it, but I don't really think I'm going to make it for the long term... they'll hold it off, but...."
Well, I am not likely to die of anything obvious, and not likely to die for a while. I'll still be a disabled diabetic.
It's a shame that I've been so sick, and so out of it for so long that I've done so much damage to so many things around me. I know that I'm still not the me I was even 16 months ago. I have to find out who and what I am, all over again.
Thank you for being there, helping, and putting up with me. I've needed you, appreciated you (even if I haven't said it often) and still need and want you. Really.
Thanks for sticking around. I hope the future will be worth it. I'm still depressed; my life is in shambles; but, I'm here for a while.
I would not have gotten this far without my immediate family: IAmCompuBear, ARainBowCat, Box_of_Chatter, GeminiMoonFrog, MTFierce and so many friends and acquaintances that I couldn't begin to mention them all.
It's not over yet. There's a lot left to do. But thank you all for sticking around as long as you have. I've got a lot of changing to deal with, but I at least have a reason for hope. Try not to give up on me now... I've got a while before I can find what I can - and can not - do. But, as I've said, my "meeting" with "Death" has been postponed for a while, and I have hope to give him a good run, or at least a brisk walk, even yet.
Love, Peace, Shalom, Blessed Be... L'Chiam!