A Lesson to Learn
Bruce and I talked about all the things we wanted to do when the kids grew up and had there own lives. We wanted to travel to see Bryce Canyon his favorite place on earth I've only seen pictures but I understand why. He wanted to see Mount Rushmore and look into the faces of the presidents he so respected. We must have driven with in 100 miles of the Grand canyon about 20 times and never got the chance to see it together. He wanted to see the geyser go off in Yellowstone so he could make some stupid joke about it. For 25 years we kept saying when the kids where grown.
When we left California I found out that Bruce's Mother Rhoda was upset that she had not gotten more time with the children. I figured if she had wanted to see them should would have asked. I did not want to burden anyone with the care of my kids it was my responsibility. So other then going out on very special occasions Bruce and I almost never went out alone. We took the kids with us everywhere. We figured we would have time alone when the kids where gone. That time never came.
Now as Sammi, the last of our children, so bluntly puts it "I have my own life now." I spend more and more time with out the children. It was time that was to be filled with all the things we wanted to do together. All the restaurants we wanted to try but were to expensive to take the kids to. Places we wanted to go just the two of us. We never got the chance. Maybe if we had gotten the time alone together we would have had the chance to enjoy each others company; we might not have fought as often.
As much as I love my new beau it's not the same. What I wouldn't give right now to go out to dinner with Bruce. To laugh at his stupid jokes. To hold his hand across the table. To enjoy his company. To bond with him. To just talk to him.