life now
Well as many of you know and some of you don't know my laptop died. This is a bad thing and a good thing. Many things have changed in my life because of this incident. When this first happened I was devastated. I felt like I had lost all communication with the world. This was a good thing. Next to my store is a gate, in the sixteen years I lived in Manitou, I must have walked by this gate hundreds of time. Little did I know behind this gate was and stairway that wound its way up and led to a magical place called The Porch.
. The Stairway winds it way up a very steep cliff to several small cottages that share a porch. The Porch over looks the town and main street and a beautiful view of the Mountains and Garden of the gods and do to its height and trees is very hard to see from the street. The old time locals have been hanging out on this porch since the 60's. They sit up there and watch the world go by. The have a few beers, play music, make fun of the tourist, kibitz, gossip and reminisce about the old times on The porch. Some of the people have known each other as long as 30 years. This was also a place where people who had moved away for years at a time knew that when they came back to town they could come back to the porch and find familiar faces. Most of the people who hang out there are poor but there is always enough to go around. Everyone shares what they have when they have it and no one thinks anything of it when you don't. It truly is a magical place of music, friendship, caring and helping one another. When your down, it's a place to go where people go and help cheer you up. When your happy they share in your happiness. On birthdays everyone brings something, whether its home baked treats or a hand made hemp necklace.
When I was introduced to the porch It was like I was suddenly excepted as an old time local. I had known a few of the people there for a few years and others I had seen around town for many years. I was introduced to those I didn't know and quickly made new friends. I was now a part of the in crowd. With my computer out of commission and the kids away. I found myself spending more time on the porch especially after work. For the first time in my life I was apart of a group of friends.
On one special day after work I crawled my way to the top of the stairs. There sitting in a chair was a man who looked familiar but I know I had not seen on the porch before. He was playing familiar songs and I began to sing along with him. in between song we had introduced ourselves. His name was Nile Johnson. The name sounded so familiar I couldn't place it. Eventually more people piled on to the porch and our time alone was over. I asked him to come back and play for me while I was at work to passed the time.He said he would. We sang songs and enjoy the company of the porch until the late hour and hunger had set in and we went home one by one.
A week later I found him again on the magical porch. He said he had come down to play music for me on Sunday but I hadn't been there. We open late on Sunday and I had missed him. I he explained to me he had been out of town for 5 years and had just come back. He was only staying for a short time before moving to Kansas. We knew we had met each other before when he had lived here 5 years ago. Then we realized. It was the Mountain Music Festival. He had played on stage several for several years when I had been running sound for it. He had knew Bud and had played music with him for years. Although he didn't and still doesn't remember Bruce I'm sure he met him and played music with him all those years ago. I remembered even putting his name in the program sheet.
I invited him back to my place for dinner. We worked together in the kitchen and talked. It was so comfortable as if we had known each other for years. After dinner we watched a movie and fell into each others arms. We just melted together. It was truly something special. We spent the night together curled up on the couch. The next morning he told me he had plans to move to Kansas the following weekend. We had so much in common. We loved the same music, we were both into reading science fiction and we had so many friends in common already. It was like the universe had conspired to bring us together and now he was leaving.
I didn't wee him for another week I was sure he had left town. No we had just managed to miss each other. he had step by next day to thank me for a wonderful evening and take me out. But I wasn't home and I hadn't thought to give him my number be fore he had left. He stopped by my work and the porch and told everyone that if they saw me he had looking for me. No one could remember to give me the message. On his way home his car broke down and it was almost a week later before he found me on the porch again. I had given up I figure he had gone to Kansas.
We spent several more evenings together. He helped me work on cleaning my house and I helped him with his car. He decided not to leave that he didn't want to leave leave me if there was even the siltiest chance between us. I didn't want him to leave. The way he made me melt when he touched me. the way he helped me and worked with me. I loved listening to his music and the love songs he would sing me.
I love my children and miss them terribly but it gave me a chance to spend some time with someone to get to know them. To find out who they were and have them find out who I was. It reminded me of what it was like when I first met Bruce so many years ago.
Then I got sick and he stayed to take care of me. He was so wonderful at it. He had once been a nurse and I could see how caring he was at it. Checking on me always making sure I had everything I needed.I have never had anyone take care of me like that. He saw me at my worst and fell in love with me. I realized I to fell in love with him. We were so good together in so many ways.We made love and for the first time in so many years I was actually making love to someone not just having sex. He really loves me. I really love love him.
I don't know where this is going or if it Will survive. I do know in my heart as I did when everyone told Bruce and I we wouldn't last and that lasted 25 years, that this is truly the person I want to be with the rest of my life. He is so kind and loving and gentle and sensitive. He looks at me as if I am the most beautiful woman in the world and tells me so. I love the way he kisses me on the forehead and listen to me when I need to talk. He is strong enough to tell me when I'm fucking up and yet doesn't control me. He thinks I'm so amazing and strong. We work so well as together as a partnership. Something that is so new to me.
Life isn't perfect and I know we have some problems but we love each other enough to work through them. We have a communication problems from time to time. We both have baggage we need to deal with and are willing to see a couples counciling to get through it. We both have Issues we need to work on and am willing to get the help we need to make this work. He is a clean freak and I'm not. This is both good and bad. We're getting through this and are compromising.
I just hope my children will put the past aside and give him a chance. A chance to see what a wonderfully kind and caring person he really is. He so much doesn't want to do anything to offend them. To him my children come first there needs, there wants and there acceptance.
I look back on my life a few years ago. I know I loved my husband but life had gotten to be pit of sadness that seemed like there was no way out. Now I have such hope for the future. I am so happy. I have a wonderful place to live. I have friends and neigbors that care. I have my children who are wonderful and love me. I don't have a lot of money but enough to get by and everything I need. I have someone who realy loves me and cares about me and I love being with and spending time with. I'm working on me, makeing me a better person and loving me. I know all Bruce ever wanted was for me to be happy and right now I am, I hope he knows that.
. The Stairway winds it way up a very steep cliff to several small cottages that share a porch. The Porch over looks the town and main street and a beautiful view of the Mountains and Garden of the gods and do to its height and trees is very hard to see from the street. The old time locals have been hanging out on this porch since the 60's. They sit up there and watch the world go by. The have a few beers, play music, make fun of the tourist, kibitz, gossip and reminisce about the old times on The porch. Some of the people have known each other as long as 30 years. This was also a place where people who had moved away for years at a time knew that when they came back to town they could come back to the porch and find familiar faces. Most of the people who hang out there are poor but there is always enough to go around. Everyone shares what they have when they have it and no one thinks anything of it when you don't. It truly is a magical place of music, friendship, caring and helping one another. When your down, it's a place to go where people go and help cheer you up. When your happy they share in your happiness. On birthdays everyone brings something, whether its home baked treats or a hand made hemp necklace.
When I was introduced to the porch It was like I was suddenly excepted as an old time local. I had known a few of the people there for a few years and others I had seen around town for many years. I was introduced to those I didn't know and quickly made new friends. I was now a part of the in crowd. With my computer out of commission and the kids away. I found myself spending more time on the porch especially after work. For the first time in my life I was apart of a group of friends.
On one special day after work I crawled my way to the top of the stairs. There sitting in a chair was a man who looked familiar but I know I had not seen on the porch before. He was playing familiar songs and I began to sing along with him. in between song we had introduced ourselves. His name was Nile Johnson. The name sounded so familiar I couldn't place it. Eventually more people piled on to the porch and our time alone was over. I asked him to come back and play for me while I was at work to passed the time.He said he would. We sang songs and enjoy the company of the porch until the late hour and hunger had set in and we went home one by one.
A week later I found him again on the magical porch. He said he had come down to play music for me on Sunday but I hadn't been there. We open late on Sunday and I had missed him. I he explained to me he had been out of town for 5 years and had just come back. He was only staying for a short time before moving to Kansas. We knew we had met each other before when he had lived here 5 years ago. Then we realized. It was the Mountain Music Festival. He had played on stage several for several years when I had been running sound for it. He had knew Bud and had played music with him for years. Although he didn't and still doesn't remember Bruce I'm sure he met him and played music with him all those years ago. I remembered even putting his name in the program sheet.
I invited him back to my place for dinner. We worked together in the kitchen and talked. It was so comfortable as if we had known each other for years. After dinner we watched a movie and fell into each others arms. We just melted together. It was truly something special. We spent the night together curled up on the couch. The next morning he told me he had plans to move to Kansas the following weekend. We had so much in common. We loved the same music, we were both into reading science fiction and we had so many friends in common already. It was like the universe had conspired to bring us together and now he was leaving.
I didn't wee him for another week I was sure he had left town. No we had just managed to miss each other. he had step by next day to thank me for a wonderful evening and take me out. But I wasn't home and I hadn't thought to give him my number be fore he had left. He stopped by my work and the porch and told everyone that if they saw me he had looking for me. No one could remember to give me the message. On his way home his car broke down and it was almost a week later before he found me on the porch again. I had given up I figure he had gone to Kansas.
We spent several more evenings together. He helped me work on cleaning my house and I helped him with his car. He decided not to leave that he didn't want to leave leave me if there was even the siltiest chance between us. I didn't want him to leave. The way he made me melt when he touched me. the way he helped me and worked with me. I loved listening to his music and the love songs he would sing me.
I love my children and miss them terribly but it gave me a chance to spend some time with someone to get to know them. To find out who they were and have them find out who I was. It reminded me of what it was like when I first met Bruce so many years ago.
Then I got sick and he stayed to take care of me. He was so wonderful at it. He had once been a nurse and I could see how caring he was at it. Checking on me always making sure I had everything I needed.I have never had anyone take care of me like that. He saw me at my worst and fell in love with me. I realized I to fell in love with him. We were so good together in so many ways.We made love and for the first time in so many years I was actually making love to someone not just having sex. He really loves me. I really love love him.
I don't know where this is going or if it Will survive. I do know in my heart as I did when everyone told Bruce and I we wouldn't last and that lasted 25 years, that this is truly the person I want to be with the rest of my life. He is so kind and loving and gentle and sensitive. He looks at me as if I am the most beautiful woman in the world and tells me so. I love the way he kisses me on the forehead and listen to me when I need to talk. He is strong enough to tell me when I'm fucking up and yet doesn't control me. He thinks I'm so amazing and strong. We work so well as together as a partnership. Something that is so new to me.
Life isn't perfect and I know we have some problems but we love each other enough to work through them. We have a communication problems from time to time. We both have baggage we need to deal with and are willing to see a couples counciling to get through it. We both have Issues we need to work on and am willing to get the help we need to make this work. He is a clean freak and I'm not. This is both good and bad. We're getting through this and are compromising.
I just hope my children will put the past aside and give him a chance. A chance to see what a wonderfully kind and caring person he really is. He so much doesn't want to do anything to offend them. To him my children come first there needs, there wants and there acceptance.
I look back on my life a few years ago. I know I loved my husband but life had gotten to be pit of sadness that seemed like there was no way out. Now I have such hope for the future. I am so happy. I have a wonderful place to live. I have friends and neigbors that care. I have my children who are wonderful and love me. I don't have a lot of money but enough to get by and everything I need. I have someone who realy loves me and cares about me and I love being with and spending time with. I'm working on me, makeing me a better person and loving me. I know all Bruce ever wanted was for me to be happy and right now I am, I hope he knows that.