I'm a mess, I guess
More 31_days drabbles. These all follow the timeline. (Be prepared for a huge batch. I FINISHED ALL THIRTY.)
Title: Synesthaesia
Day/Theme: September 11: Your name begins with a distinct colour
Series: xxxHOLiC (of course)
Character/Pairing: Doumeki/Watanuki
Rating: G
You’ve always wondered why Doumeki’s eyes are amber when he is so obviously a dark green. Even his name brings to mind that colour: a forest in fading light, a tall and mighty comfort that you will never admit to feeling. His is the silence that supports rather than isolates, and although he manages to annoy you to the point of madness, you’ve never felt so grounded as you do around him.
This is perhaps the most annoying thing of all.
Title: Oblivious
Day/Theme: September 12: An ode to your innocence
Series: xxxHOLiC
Character/Pairing: Doumeki/Watanuki
Rating: G
Things would be different, you speculate, if he weren’t so damn oblivious. So damn naïve. But on the other hand, that is part of his charm.
But charm or no, if Watanuki would just pay attention things would be that much easier. You’re sure it wasn’t a façade when he complained about you getting “too close” to Kunogi. He probably thought you were. And now, when all evidence points to the fact that you never had any interest in the girl, he never for a second comes to the conclusion that you could be there for him, or at least not in the way that you are. No, he assumes it’s the free lunch, or the chance to annoy him, both of which are draws but neither of which can even come close to the draw that is Watanuki himself.
You’d be the first to admit you’re head-over-heels for him. What’s frustrating is that if you did, he’d probably tell you that you wouldn’t fall on your head to much if you simply stopped following him around.
Title: Knowing
Day/Theme: September 13: You've given me the answer
Series: xxxHOLiC
Character/Pairing: Doumeki/Watanuki
Rating: G
You don't know how remains wrapped in his own conclusions through so many obvious hints. At first, you thought it was simply rejection, and so didn’t say anything about the matter. But now you’re starting to think he reacts the way he does because he simply doesn’t realise you have any interest in him at all. A laughable idea, yes, but you figure that probably makes it more likely to be true.
And so you start making yourself more obvious, making less of an effort to amuse yourself with his reactions and more of an effort to convey outright what you’re trying to say. And maybe he begins realising, just a little, although it’s still subconscious and he would probably go even more crazy if he actually understood. You don’t push it too far, but wait to see how things go from this new development while he rants and the girl watches with a smile on her face.
“You know, he confessed to me,” she said once.
“I know,” you replied.
“I think he’s feeling better now.”
“Yes.”
“Thank you,” she finished, smiling again, and looked in the direction he would come from. You knew at that point that this was a signal, a go-ahead from the possible complication. And you accepted it as such, and began the change.
Title: Making The Most of It
Day/Theme: September 14: This road is all you'll ever have
Series: xxxHOLiC
Character/Pairing: Doumeki/Watanuki
Rating: G
The silence isn’t awkward when you two walk home, but this is mainly because there is no silence. You fill it up with chatter, and she obliges you by chattering in reply because she didn’t lie about enjoying time spent with you. The bird on her shoulder cheeps happily from time to time, and you almost feel as if it’s enough.
You try to make the most of these times, because you know that they are all you’ll ever get. You’d rather have a friend than nothing, and it’s undeniable that she retains the power to make you happy by her very existence. In the long run, you suppose, it doesn’t matter what kind of love you give or what kind of love she gives in return, so long as there is still this give-and-take.
And in the end, as she’s noted many times, you two are part of three, and it’s probably time you acknowledged that if only to yourself. It would be not only a blatant lie but also and injustice to all involved - including you - to claim otherwise. And he has never broken your heart, even if he annoys the hell out of you by existing. Maybe even that latter counts for something. As long as you’re three, at least, you won’t stay angry for long.
Title: The Other One
Day/Theme: September 15: Your secret of a clandestine autumn
Series: xxxHOLiC
Character/Pairing: Doumeki/Watanuki
Rating: G
It wouldn’t be right, seeing him unhappy. You’re so used to him laughing, smiling, energetic, even if this was all a futile effort to win you. You encourage this behaviour now, and while he’s not quite as bubbly as before, he smiles valiantly and does his best. The other one is always there, as well, watching over him with that gentleness that no one but you seems to notice. You’re grateful for this, more than either of the two will or should know.
You love them both, of course, though not in the way that he claims to love you or the way the other one obviously loves him. And you do favour him, simply because he was the one who sought you out and forgave you even after your very presence nearly killed him. Who still found it in him to love you after the fact. Who, even after being turned down, still made an effort not only to enjoy your presence but also ensure that you enjoy his as well. It’s endearing. It makes you feel worthwhile. So of course you love him best.
But although you never tell anyone - and never intend to - what makes you happiest is to see them together. You can tell he is in capable and willing hands though he has yet to understand this fact. But for now you’re content to be subtle and keep this to yourself, giving clandestine hints in your observations from time to time when you can’t bear the suspense any longer, and absenting yourself at the appropriate times. One of these days he will finally give up on denial, or the other will find the right words to tell him, and then everything will be perfect.
But you can wait. You’ll wait, for now.
Title: Synesthaesia
Day/Theme: September 11: Your name begins with a distinct colour
Series: xxxHOLiC (of course)
Character/Pairing: Doumeki/Watanuki
Rating: G
You’ve always wondered why Doumeki’s eyes are amber when he is so obviously a dark green. Even his name brings to mind that colour: a forest in fading light, a tall and mighty comfort that you will never admit to feeling. His is the silence that supports rather than isolates, and although he manages to annoy you to the point of madness, you’ve never felt so grounded as you do around him.
This is perhaps the most annoying thing of all.
Title: Oblivious
Day/Theme: September 12: An ode to your innocence
Series: xxxHOLiC
Character/Pairing: Doumeki/Watanuki
Rating: G
Things would be different, you speculate, if he weren’t so damn oblivious. So damn naïve. But on the other hand, that is part of his charm.
But charm or no, if Watanuki would just pay attention things would be that much easier. You’re sure it wasn’t a façade when he complained about you getting “too close” to Kunogi. He probably thought you were. And now, when all evidence points to the fact that you never had any interest in the girl, he never for a second comes to the conclusion that you could be there for him, or at least not in the way that you are. No, he assumes it’s the free lunch, or the chance to annoy him, both of which are draws but neither of which can even come close to the draw that is Watanuki himself.
You’d be the first to admit you’re head-over-heels for him. What’s frustrating is that if you did, he’d probably tell you that you wouldn’t fall on your head to much if you simply stopped following him around.
Title: Knowing
Day/Theme: September 13: You've given me the answer
Series: xxxHOLiC
Character/Pairing: Doumeki/Watanuki
Rating: G
You don't know how remains wrapped in his own conclusions through so many obvious hints. At first, you thought it was simply rejection, and so didn’t say anything about the matter. But now you’re starting to think he reacts the way he does because he simply doesn’t realise you have any interest in him at all. A laughable idea, yes, but you figure that probably makes it more likely to be true.
And so you start making yourself more obvious, making less of an effort to amuse yourself with his reactions and more of an effort to convey outright what you’re trying to say. And maybe he begins realising, just a little, although it’s still subconscious and he would probably go even more crazy if he actually understood. You don’t push it too far, but wait to see how things go from this new development while he rants and the girl watches with a smile on her face.
“You know, he confessed to me,” she said once.
“I know,” you replied.
“I think he’s feeling better now.”
“Yes.”
“Thank you,” she finished, smiling again, and looked in the direction he would come from. You knew at that point that this was a signal, a go-ahead from the possible complication. And you accepted it as such, and began the change.
Title: Making The Most of It
Day/Theme: September 14: This road is all you'll ever have
Series: xxxHOLiC
Character/Pairing: Doumeki/Watanuki
Rating: G
The silence isn’t awkward when you two walk home, but this is mainly because there is no silence. You fill it up with chatter, and she obliges you by chattering in reply because she didn’t lie about enjoying time spent with you. The bird on her shoulder cheeps happily from time to time, and you almost feel as if it’s enough.
You try to make the most of these times, because you know that they are all you’ll ever get. You’d rather have a friend than nothing, and it’s undeniable that she retains the power to make you happy by her very existence. In the long run, you suppose, it doesn’t matter what kind of love you give or what kind of love she gives in return, so long as there is still this give-and-take.
And in the end, as she’s noted many times, you two are part of three, and it’s probably time you acknowledged that if only to yourself. It would be not only a blatant lie but also and injustice to all involved - including you - to claim otherwise. And he has never broken your heart, even if he annoys the hell out of you by existing. Maybe even that latter counts for something. As long as you’re three, at least, you won’t stay angry for long.
Title: The Other One
Day/Theme: September 15: Your secret of a clandestine autumn
Series: xxxHOLiC
Character/Pairing: Doumeki/Watanuki
Rating: G
It wouldn’t be right, seeing him unhappy. You’re so used to him laughing, smiling, energetic, even if this was all a futile effort to win you. You encourage this behaviour now, and while he’s not quite as bubbly as before, he smiles valiantly and does his best. The other one is always there, as well, watching over him with that gentleness that no one but you seems to notice. You’re grateful for this, more than either of the two will or should know.
You love them both, of course, though not in the way that he claims to love you or the way the other one obviously loves him. And you do favour him, simply because he was the one who sought you out and forgave you even after your very presence nearly killed him. Who still found it in him to love you after the fact. Who, even after being turned down, still made an effort not only to enjoy your presence but also ensure that you enjoy his as well. It’s endearing. It makes you feel worthwhile. So of course you love him best.
But although you never tell anyone - and never intend to - what makes you happiest is to see them together. You can tell he is in capable and willing hands though he has yet to understand this fact. But for now you’re content to be subtle and keep this to yourself, giving clandestine hints in your observations from time to time when you can’t bear the suspense any longer, and absenting yourself at the appropriate times. One of these days he will finally give up on denial, or the other will find the right words to tell him, and then everything will be perfect.
But you can wait. You’ll wait, for now.