Scientists. I swear to god they're just fucking with us.
So uh I guess this is sort of my fic journal now or something. Anyway. I've been commanded to put this up, so.
Title: Five Times Roxanne Ritchi Didn’t Scream (and one time she did)
Fandom: Megamind
Summary: When a superhero shows up, of course a supervillain won't be far behind. Roxanne's life is interesting.
Rating: PG for most of it, uh.. low R for the epilogue?
Disclaimer: Totally unaffiliated with Dreamworks or with anybody connected to this movie at all ever.
A/N: SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS. Also I think this is the first time I've ever written fic for a movie before it's even out on DVD. I blame badplanmobile. Also SPOILERS.
i
Everything would have gone perfectly, if it hadn’t been for the baby.
It should have been an easy job. A fire broke out in an apartment building downtown, hey, new reporter, go cover it. Her first big story. Easy.
Except then she heard a baby screaming, somewhere from the upper floors, and something in the back of her mind took over. She dropped the microphone and ran.
Now she’s standing in a burning apartment lobby rethinking her choices. This is what firefighters are for, stupid. Well, she’ll look even stupider if she comes back out sans baby. She is an Intrepid Reporter, and she is not going to panic. She looks for a stairway.
There’s noise from somewhere above her. A window crashes, then something that sounds like a wall splintering. Outside, there’s cheering, and- as much as she can see through the flames and the heat-shimmer in the air- some kind of white blur.
But she doesn’t have time to wonder what it is, because that’s when the burning beam crashes down right where she’s standing. Right where she was standing. She jumps out of the way, the edges of her skirt sizzling-
-and into the muscular arms of a man in white. He smiles, dazzlingly, and wraps one of those arms around her waist. “Hang on, miss,” he says.
The next second, she’s flying.
He sets her down, right next to the news van, amid more cheers from the assembled crowd. Someone puts her dropped microphone back in her hand.
“Well, this is an exciting development,” she tells the camera, as if she’d never missed a beat. “As you can see, a new hero- we might even say a superhero- has arrived just in the nick of time. But is he just flying through, or is he here to stay?”
He’s good- he picks up the cue and looks right at the camera. “From now on, whenever Metro City needs saving, I’m your man.” He flexes an arm, and his cape ripples in the breeze. “I’m here for good.”
She gives him her best reporter smile. “Well, I’d like to be the first to thank you, on behalf of the citizens of Metro City. What do we call you?”
This time, his smile isn’t for the camera, it’s for her. “You can call me Metro Man.”
ii
She wakes up tied to a chair. It’s too dark to see where she is, but she can guess- with a superhero in town, it was only a matter of time before a villain showed up to match.
There’s a hum and a crackle, and lightning leaps above her head. She’s in the middle of a ring of vertical bars, like a fence, and the lightning cracks and fizzes between the spheres on top of them. She can’t cover her mouth, so she bites her lip instead. Hard.
From somewhere outside the lightning ring, villainous laughter grows and echoes. There’s a shape out there in the darkness, coming closer. The flickering light glints off metal spikes and blue skin. “So, Miss Ritchi, we meet at last,” the voice says. “I think there’s something between us already. Some kind-” and his face comes into view, green eyes and evil grin- “of spark.”
She fights down the rising fear. “Your puns are terrible,” she says, with her best attempt at a straight face.
The villain laughs again and leans casually on the nearest bar. “You won’t be saying that when OW ow ooh ow!” He shakes out long blue fingers, his evil grin replaced by a wince of pain. “The gloves,” he mutters to himself, smacking his high blue forehead, “you always forget the electricity-resistant gloves!”
She exhales. Over her head, the lightning crackles. “You’re not very good at this, are you?” she says.
He sucks his fingers and glares at her.
iii
“This is getting old, Megamind.”
“Well, it wouldn’t, if you would do it right.”
“If I would do it right?”
“Come on, just one scream? The death-ray-chainsaw really works this time!”
“I said no.”
“Please? For me? One scream, then we can call your cape-wearing boyfriend.”
She considers telling him that Metro Man isn’t her boyfriend, one awkward date notwithstanding. It might stop her getting kidnapped every other week. On the other hand… it might not.
Instead she sighs theatrically. “Aaah,” she says, deadpan, “somebody help.”
Megamind pouts. “That wasn’t a proper scream at all.”
“Too bad. That’s all you’re getting.”
iv
After all her time in front of the camera, she knows when people are looking at her. The whole restaurant is looking now. She doesn’t blame them. It’s a good kiss.
Still, she might not have opened her eyes, if it hadn’t been for the baby.
When she closed her eyes, it was Bernard sitting across the table from her. It was Bernard looking at her with those big green eyes, Bernard leaning in closer- and now he’s Megamind.
Megamind.
She freezes. She can’t think of anything else to do.
Something in the back of her mind thinks, You know, is it really so bad?
She pushes the thought, and him, away.
v
It isn’t anything like what she had expected. Not that she expected anything. But when she thought about it, not that she had thought about it, but if, hypothetically, she had thought about it, she would have expected something… mad-science-y. Maybe with spikes on it. It would have been a ridiculous thought, really, if she had gotten around to thinking it, and totally wrong. What she’s looking at now is simple, and fitting, and beautiful.
To be fair, though, the stone set into it is blue.
She presses her hands over her mouth, but that doesn’t stop a noise from escaping. A noise that, she tells herself, is not a squeak. It’s… a high-frequency sound of surprise. And happiness.
He looks up at her, green eyes and nervous smile. “Well?” he says. “What do you say?”
For once in her life, she’s at a loss for words. She grabs him by the ridiculous collar and kisses him instead.
epilogue
She isn’t exactly sure how she wound up underneath him on the floor of the lab. A few seconds ago, he was the one on the floor. But she isn’t complaining.
Those long blue fingers dance over her skin, neck and chest and stomach and hips, and she pulls him closer, digs her fingers into his back, wraps her legs up around his thin waist, and she’s trying to repeat his name but she keeps getting stuck on the M, a hum in the back of her throat that breaks out into a gasp as she keeps pulling him in. There’s something like fire, something like electricity, between them.
When the sparks stop tracing bright paths in front of her eyes, as much as she can see through the heat-shimmer in the air, he’s grinning at her.
“What?” she says, narrowly resisting the urge to bite that smirking lower lip.
“I did it,” he laughs. His smile is infectious. “I got you to scream.”
Title: Five Times Roxanne Ritchi Didn’t Scream (and one time she did)
Fandom: Megamind
Summary: When a superhero shows up, of course a supervillain won't be far behind. Roxanne's life is interesting.
Rating: PG for most of it, uh.. low R for the epilogue?
Disclaimer: Totally unaffiliated with Dreamworks or with anybody connected to this movie at all ever.
A/N: SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS. Also I think this is the first time I've ever written fic for a movie before it's even out on DVD. I blame badplanmobile. Also SPOILERS.
i
Everything would have gone perfectly, if it hadn’t been for the baby.
It should have been an easy job. A fire broke out in an apartment building downtown, hey, new reporter, go cover it. Her first big story. Easy.
Except then she heard a baby screaming, somewhere from the upper floors, and something in the back of her mind took over. She dropped the microphone and ran.
Now she’s standing in a burning apartment lobby rethinking her choices. This is what firefighters are for, stupid. Well, she’ll look even stupider if she comes back out sans baby. She is an Intrepid Reporter, and she is not going to panic. She looks for a stairway.
There’s noise from somewhere above her. A window crashes, then something that sounds like a wall splintering. Outside, there’s cheering, and- as much as she can see through the flames and the heat-shimmer in the air- some kind of white blur.
But she doesn’t have time to wonder what it is, because that’s when the burning beam crashes down right where she’s standing. Right where she was standing. She jumps out of the way, the edges of her skirt sizzling-
-and into the muscular arms of a man in white. He smiles, dazzlingly, and wraps one of those arms around her waist. “Hang on, miss,” he says.
The next second, she’s flying.
He sets her down, right next to the news van, amid more cheers from the assembled crowd. Someone puts her dropped microphone back in her hand.
“Well, this is an exciting development,” she tells the camera, as if she’d never missed a beat. “As you can see, a new hero- we might even say a superhero- has arrived just in the nick of time. But is he just flying through, or is he here to stay?”
He’s good- he picks up the cue and looks right at the camera. “From now on, whenever Metro City needs saving, I’m your man.” He flexes an arm, and his cape ripples in the breeze. “I’m here for good.”
She gives him her best reporter smile. “Well, I’d like to be the first to thank you, on behalf of the citizens of Metro City. What do we call you?”
This time, his smile isn’t for the camera, it’s for her. “You can call me Metro Man.”
ii
She wakes up tied to a chair. It’s too dark to see where she is, but she can guess- with a superhero in town, it was only a matter of time before a villain showed up to match.
There’s a hum and a crackle, and lightning leaps above her head. She’s in the middle of a ring of vertical bars, like a fence, and the lightning cracks and fizzes between the spheres on top of them. She can’t cover her mouth, so she bites her lip instead. Hard.
From somewhere outside the lightning ring, villainous laughter grows and echoes. There’s a shape out there in the darkness, coming closer. The flickering light glints off metal spikes and blue skin. “So, Miss Ritchi, we meet at last,” the voice says. “I think there’s something between us already. Some kind-” and his face comes into view, green eyes and evil grin- “of spark.”
She fights down the rising fear. “Your puns are terrible,” she says, with her best attempt at a straight face.
The villain laughs again and leans casually on the nearest bar. “You won’t be saying that when OW ow ooh ow!” He shakes out long blue fingers, his evil grin replaced by a wince of pain. “The gloves,” he mutters to himself, smacking his high blue forehead, “you always forget the electricity-resistant gloves!”
She exhales. Over her head, the lightning crackles. “You’re not very good at this, are you?” she says.
He sucks his fingers and glares at her.
iii
“This is getting old, Megamind.”
“Well, it wouldn’t, if you would do it right.”
“If I would do it right?”
“Come on, just one scream? The death-ray-chainsaw really works this time!”
“I said no.”
“Please? For me? One scream, then we can call your cape-wearing boyfriend.”
She considers telling him that Metro Man isn’t her boyfriend, one awkward date notwithstanding. It might stop her getting kidnapped every other week. On the other hand… it might not.
Instead she sighs theatrically. “Aaah,” she says, deadpan, “somebody help.”
Megamind pouts. “That wasn’t a proper scream at all.”
“Too bad. That’s all you’re getting.”
iv
After all her time in front of the camera, she knows when people are looking at her. The whole restaurant is looking now. She doesn’t blame them. It’s a good kiss.
Still, she might not have opened her eyes, if it hadn’t been for the baby.
When she closed her eyes, it was Bernard sitting across the table from her. It was Bernard looking at her with those big green eyes, Bernard leaning in closer- and now he’s Megamind.
Megamind.
She freezes. She can’t think of anything else to do.
Something in the back of her mind thinks, You know, is it really so bad?
She pushes the thought, and him, away.
v
It isn’t anything like what she had expected. Not that she expected anything. But when she thought about it, not that she had thought about it, but if, hypothetically, she had thought about it, she would have expected something… mad-science-y. Maybe with spikes on it. It would have been a ridiculous thought, really, if she had gotten around to thinking it, and totally wrong. What she’s looking at now is simple, and fitting, and beautiful.
To be fair, though, the stone set into it is blue.
She presses her hands over her mouth, but that doesn’t stop a noise from escaping. A noise that, she tells herself, is not a squeak. It’s… a high-frequency sound of surprise. And happiness.
He looks up at her, green eyes and nervous smile. “Well?” he says. “What do you say?”
For once in her life, she’s at a loss for words. She grabs him by the ridiculous collar and kisses him instead.
epilogue
She isn’t exactly sure how she wound up underneath him on the floor of the lab. A few seconds ago, he was the one on the floor. But she isn’t complaining.
Those long blue fingers dance over her skin, neck and chest and stomach and hips, and she pulls him closer, digs her fingers into his back, wraps her legs up around his thin waist, and she’s trying to repeat his name but she keeps getting stuck on the M, a hum in the back of her throat that breaks out into a gasp as she keeps pulling him in. There’s something like fire, something like electricity, between them.
When the sparks stop tracing bright paths in front of her eyes, as much as she can see through the heat-shimmer in the air, he’s grinning at her.
“What?” she says, narrowly resisting the urge to bite that smirking lower lip.
“I did it,” he laughs. His smile is infectious. “I got you to scream.”