wow
wow, well not long after my last entry, my uncle herbie passed away. it happened about 1 am on saturday. they didn't tell me till the next day.
my aunt rettie went to check on him and he was fine, just sleeping. she went to the bathroom and when she came back he just wasn't breathing anymore.
i know we expected it to happen soon, but gosh, not this soon. my dad didn't even get to see him. the doctor told him to stay away and he got to see him the saturday before it happened through the window, but he didn't get to talk to him or anything.
and it turns out the only thing i had time to do for him was pray. while i was writing my last entry, and after, i was trying to think of things i could do to cheer him up and at least make him happy for his last few months, but i wasn't expecting it to happen in a couple DAYS. wow. so the last time i saw two of the people i care most about in this world was the same day, the same hour, and on christmas.
i really think i just grew up. just when this all happened. we've all been so close, my family, a lot closer than most of the families i know. christmas was always the same- christmas eve, my birthday, at my grandma's: open my presents, eat some snack foods, open stockings and just enjoy the time together... then christmas day we open presents at my house- me, my brother, my dad, my mom and katie and the animals then go up to my mawmaws house... then we drink coffee and talk and wait for uncle herb and aunt rettie to get there. then i pass out everyone's presents and we open them, one person at a time either from oldest to youngest or youngest to oldest so everyone can see what everyone else got.
i am NEVER going to have that again. last christmas was the LAST happy christmas with my whole family i'll ever have and i hate it. and i don't even have pictures of it! they all got erased the next day and it never occurred to me that it would be the last christmas with my grandma and the last christmas with my uncle herb. NEVER.
i guess it's all really just hitting me now, how much things are changing and how fast. this is really hard.
and i can't imagine how the rest of my family feels! my mom just lost her uncle and her brother-in-law and her mother-in-law she's known for over 30 years and my dad... he just lost his brother and his mom in less than three weeks. same with my uncle bubby and my aunt patty. i just can't imagine how they all feel when i'm feeling the way i do.
i hate to regret things, i hate it. i just wish i could have known the last conversation i had with my grandma was going to be that. i went in to the hospital to visit her on my way back from huntington one day and i had to work the next day, so i only stayed a few hours. now i wish i would have stayed until the end. i know that's not reasonable, but i've learned so much from my grandma and i know there was so much more to know. she was the strongest person i've ever met and cared about her family more than anyone in the world. and she NEVER complained. she had cancer, parkinson's disease, lime disease, heart disease and a parasite from mexico and never once did i hear her complain about any of it. the only ill word she ever said was if someone messed with a part of our family, she just wouldn't have it.
i know i'm lucky to have had her in my life so long, but knowing the kind of person she was, it's just not enough.
and gosh, my uncle herb. you'll never meet a nicer man if you live to be 1,000. and boy, did he love my grandma. and the rest of her kids too. she took such good care of them and loved them so much. that was actually part of our last conversation together. a nurse asked their 'miracle woman' how many kids she had and she told them. some were adopted, but they were ALL hers and she loved them all the same and they loved her just as they would if she had given birth to them all herself and she wouldn't have it any other way.
see, my dad was hers and her first husband's (who died when my dad was pretty young) and my uncle bubby was adopted (he's 30 now).
it's just so strange how this all happened at once.
first pigger in june,
then my dad had to have a heart cath,
then my mom had a lump in her breast that scared the crap out of all of us
then i got sick (an ongoing problem that is hindering my life, much more than it seems)
then we found out uncle herb had cancer and went into remission and got it back again
then mawmaw got sick and we almost lost her i don't know how many times
then we found out jo was a diabetic (my almost 18 year old cat and probably only friend who's truly never done me wrong)
then my mawmaw passed
then her old dog, charity (pigger's sister by birth) not a week later. she loved that dog too. it's almost like she just took her up to be with her.
then my uncle thomas.
and now my uncle herb.
2007-2008 is like someone is holding a black cloud over my family. well, i can't wait for it to be lifted; it can't come soon enough.
my uncle marvin has lung cancer, which is now in remission, they think (my uncle thomas was his brother; out of 14, i think, only 2 are left). i love my uncle marvin SOOOO much. i saw him at uncle thomas's wake, but if i don't get to see him before something happens again, i don't think i'll ever be ok.
hopefully jo's doctor visit today will go okay. she went below 13 the other day and then the next day her sugar was back in the 300's poor kitty. i know it's silly to worry so much about a cat, but you try having the same sweet cat who follows you around everywhere and lets you use her as a pillow from kindergarten to 17 years later and see if you can feel about her as 'just a cat'.
*shew*
these are getting longer and longer, but i get too upset to talk to anyone about stuff and writing it down kind of helps.
i have my girly ultrasound on thursday if i can get the time changed. i also have an appt with my surgeon guy that day. apparently i have to drink 32 oz. of water and can't go potty until it's over. strange directions, i think, but whatever they say...
gosh.
i was looking at the herald-dispatch today and read over the emmons things to see if carissa or amanda were mentioned anywhere.
i really didn't realize it was this soon, the year anniversary, i mean. that time last year was SO much different.
i was celebrating my belated birthday with abby and the ato guys at c&o when i went out to the car to get my cell phone and saw the building on fire. it took me a while to even realize it was carissa and amanda's building, i was so shocked.
so i guess next week will be the anniversary of the carbon monoxide event. that could have turned out SO much worse and it might be more like this year feels or maybe i wouldn't even be around this year to go through all this if carissa and amanda hadn't mentioned a smoke detector. of which, i had NONE and only two little windows. my whole building could have died in their sleep. i think they had as much to do with saving my building as i did, going through what they did and making me realize you can never be too safe.
*sigh* i guess i'll get outta here now and do something productive. maybe find my other printer cord so i can print out my syllabuses...
byee.
**added later**
i don't want to forget my mawmaw and that black eyed pea she saw rolling down the hall when she was on all that medication they put her on. she just saw this giant pea just going down the hall, all the nurses just walking by like there wasn't this giant pea rolling along with them.
i am happy i got that little bit of extra time with her in the hospital. i miss her so much.
on top of being so gentle and undertanding and caring, she was friggin' hilarious.
and the jello. man, she wanted some jello. 'go out there on that cart... and get me some jello and RUN like the devil!'
*sigh* <3
my aunt rettie went to check on him and he was fine, just sleeping. she went to the bathroom and when she came back he just wasn't breathing anymore.
i know we expected it to happen soon, but gosh, not this soon. my dad didn't even get to see him. the doctor told him to stay away and he got to see him the saturday before it happened through the window, but he didn't get to talk to him or anything.
and it turns out the only thing i had time to do for him was pray. while i was writing my last entry, and after, i was trying to think of things i could do to cheer him up and at least make him happy for his last few months, but i wasn't expecting it to happen in a couple DAYS. wow. so the last time i saw two of the people i care most about in this world was the same day, the same hour, and on christmas.
i really think i just grew up. just when this all happened. we've all been so close, my family, a lot closer than most of the families i know. christmas was always the same- christmas eve, my birthday, at my grandma's: open my presents, eat some snack foods, open stockings and just enjoy the time together... then christmas day we open presents at my house- me, my brother, my dad, my mom and katie and the animals then go up to my mawmaws house... then we drink coffee and talk and wait for uncle herb and aunt rettie to get there. then i pass out everyone's presents and we open them, one person at a time either from oldest to youngest or youngest to oldest so everyone can see what everyone else got.
i am NEVER going to have that again. last christmas was the LAST happy christmas with my whole family i'll ever have and i hate it. and i don't even have pictures of it! they all got erased the next day and it never occurred to me that it would be the last christmas with my grandma and the last christmas with my uncle herb. NEVER.
i guess it's all really just hitting me now, how much things are changing and how fast. this is really hard.
and i can't imagine how the rest of my family feels! my mom just lost her uncle and her brother-in-law and her mother-in-law she's known for over 30 years and my dad... he just lost his brother and his mom in less than three weeks. same with my uncle bubby and my aunt patty. i just can't imagine how they all feel when i'm feeling the way i do.
i hate to regret things, i hate it. i just wish i could have known the last conversation i had with my grandma was going to be that. i went in to the hospital to visit her on my way back from huntington one day and i had to work the next day, so i only stayed a few hours. now i wish i would have stayed until the end. i know that's not reasonable, but i've learned so much from my grandma and i know there was so much more to know. she was the strongest person i've ever met and cared about her family more than anyone in the world. and she NEVER complained. she had cancer, parkinson's disease, lime disease, heart disease and a parasite from mexico and never once did i hear her complain about any of it. the only ill word she ever said was if someone messed with a part of our family, she just wouldn't have it.
i know i'm lucky to have had her in my life so long, but knowing the kind of person she was, it's just not enough.
and gosh, my uncle herb. you'll never meet a nicer man if you live to be 1,000. and boy, did he love my grandma. and the rest of her kids too. she took such good care of them and loved them so much. that was actually part of our last conversation together. a nurse asked their 'miracle woman' how many kids she had and she told them. some were adopted, but they were ALL hers and she loved them all the same and they loved her just as they would if she had given birth to them all herself and she wouldn't have it any other way.
see, my dad was hers and her first husband's (who died when my dad was pretty young) and my uncle bubby was adopted (he's 30 now).
it's just so strange how this all happened at once.
first pigger in june,
then my dad had to have a heart cath,
then my mom had a lump in her breast that scared the crap out of all of us
then i got sick (an ongoing problem that is hindering my life, much more than it seems)
then we found out uncle herb had cancer and went into remission and got it back again
then mawmaw got sick and we almost lost her i don't know how many times
then we found out jo was a diabetic (my almost 18 year old cat and probably only friend who's truly never done me wrong)
then my mawmaw passed
then her old dog, charity (pigger's sister by birth) not a week later. she loved that dog too. it's almost like she just took her up to be with her.
then my uncle thomas.
and now my uncle herb.
2007-2008 is like someone is holding a black cloud over my family. well, i can't wait for it to be lifted; it can't come soon enough.
my uncle marvin has lung cancer, which is now in remission, they think (my uncle thomas was his brother; out of 14, i think, only 2 are left). i love my uncle marvin SOOOO much. i saw him at uncle thomas's wake, but if i don't get to see him before something happens again, i don't think i'll ever be ok.
hopefully jo's doctor visit today will go okay. she went below 13 the other day and then the next day her sugar was back in the 300's poor kitty. i know it's silly to worry so much about a cat, but you try having the same sweet cat who follows you around everywhere and lets you use her as a pillow from kindergarten to 17 years later and see if you can feel about her as 'just a cat'.
*shew*
these are getting longer and longer, but i get too upset to talk to anyone about stuff and writing it down kind of helps.
i have my girly ultrasound on thursday if i can get the time changed. i also have an appt with my surgeon guy that day. apparently i have to drink 32 oz. of water and can't go potty until it's over. strange directions, i think, but whatever they say...
gosh.
i was looking at the herald-dispatch today and read over the emmons things to see if carissa or amanda were mentioned anywhere.
i really didn't realize it was this soon, the year anniversary, i mean. that time last year was SO much different.
i was celebrating my belated birthday with abby and the ato guys at c&o when i went out to the car to get my cell phone and saw the building on fire. it took me a while to even realize it was carissa and amanda's building, i was so shocked.
so i guess next week will be the anniversary of the carbon monoxide event. that could have turned out SO much worse and it might be more like this year feels or maybe i wouldn't even be around this year to go through all this if carissa and amanda hadn't mentioned a smoke detector. of which, i had NONE and only two little windows. my whole building could have died in their sleep. i think they had as much to do with saving my building as i did, going through what they did and making me realize you can never be too safe.
*sigh* i guess i'll get outta here now and do something productive. maybe find my other printer cord so i can print out my syllabuses...
byee.
**added later**
i don't want to forget my mawmaw and that black eyed pea she saw rolling down the hall when she was on all that medication they put her on. she just saw this giant pea just going down the hall, all the nurses just walking by like there wasn't this giant pea rolling along with them.
i am happy i got that little bit of extra time with her in the hospital. i miss her so much.
on top of being so gentle and undertanding and caring, she was friggin' hilarious.
and the jello. man, she wanted some jello. 'go out there on that cart... and get me some jello and RUN like the devil!'
*sigh* <3