(no subject)

[iamawallflower]

so yeah the clocks moving up and stuff rocks.........i so only worked 7 hours today....and im still sleppy as fuck. well samantha so called me tonight. i was looking forward to that. we both have wednsday off so we are going to hang out to make up for friday. i dont know what we are going to do im flat ass broke. but it'll be fun regardless. i have found myself being sad for no aparent reason recently. i mean ill be uber sad then all of asudden im ok again. its weird. well anyway.......i have nothing to do all today. again. i didnt ake up until like 4 o'clock yesterday. i dont know why i slept so late. there it is again........the sudden sadness thing.....fuck........i think i might be bi polar or someshit. i realize that my life is so predictable. and maybe when your older thats a good thing, but im fucking 18. im supposed to be out being the total opposite. i miss the feeling of being loved. i miss having someone to hold......and someone to hold me. i mean fuck.i see all these people walking around with someone......i dont care if some of them are faking it........id be glad just to have someone who would at least pretend to listen to me. at least pretend to enjoy snuggling with me. right now i just need someone. im a very hands on person......i like to hold someone and someone hold me.......and i really dont know what to do when i cant do that with someone. i probable sound really lame and shit but i dont care. this is my journal and i can write about whatever i want. i dont know what to do with myself right now. my mind is racing and i cant slow it down. i want to cry but fuck crying im sick of crying. what has it ever solved? nothing.

i say things are alright and lie to myself