(no subject)
last night i called erin in a druged up stupor, raving about how i was worring about my little sister and how i wish that the people i couldnt stand werent so much like me, and how i would leave if i had the courage. i talked to her about how i was a faolure as a human being and how i ruined everything for everyone. she tried to reassure me but it didnt work. all i could thin about was i had so far ruined everything good in my life...i never knew i had all that in me, and then i closed my eyes and never slept better...
see guys, drugs are good for you. lol.
i suppose im having a hard time grasping my own reality. i love being alive, and i love being happy and looking at the sky and rescuing bugs and eating pie...but i cant help but think that i was never meant for anything more...i was never meant to make an impact on anything. an i have to admit...living a life free of responsability and being "free" just doesnt seem as apealing as it once did. ive decided that i want to help people...not just drill myself into my own self destruction.
however, old habits die hard and the drugs keep coming and the alchohol keeps flowing...i cant say i dont like it. honestly, if i was never meant for anything more than that whats the problem...if it turns out that i was...then at least i felt alive, right?
people always tell me that they worry about me. i dont see why. im not worried. i like it. i like the synthetic feeling of flying, and the feeling that your head isnt attached to your body. i like leaving the world for just a little while.
in a day where apathy has never been more popular, why not get what i can out of what i am given.
i care so much...i just cant bring myself to do anything about it.
i never needed any of this...your right...but i wanted it so bad that now there is no leaving it...and that seems to be the only comfort i have.
lol, and if i ever were to OD and die...know that that is they way i wanted to go.
now if only i were a rock star.
peace and love,
Leanne
see guys, drugs are good for you. lol.
i suppose im having a hard time grasping my own reality. i love being alive, and i love being happy and looking at the sky and rescuing bugs and eating pie...but i cant help but think that i was never meant for anything more...i was never meant to make an impact on anything. an i have to admit...living a life free of responsability and being "free" just doesnt seem as apealing as it once did. ive decided that i want to help people...not just drill myself into my own self destruction.
however, old habits die hard and the drugs keep coming and the alchohol keeps flowing...i cant say i dont like it. honestly, if i was never meant for anything more than that whats the problem...if it turns out that i was...then at least i felt alive, right?
people always tell me that they worry about me. i dont see why. im not worried. i like it. i like the synthetic feeling of flying, and the feeling that your head isnt attached to your body. i like leaving the world for just a little while.
in a day where apathy has never been more popular, why not get what i can out of what i am given.
i care so much...i just cant bring myself to do anything about it.
i never needed any of this...your right...but i wanted it so bad that now there is no leaving it...and that seems to be the only comfort i have.
lol, and if i ever were to OD and die...know that that is they way i wanted to go.
now if only i were a rock star.
peace and love,
Leanne