Desserts spelled backward is...
I called in to work today. I've been super stressed as of late, pretty much the entirety of February. I had a cold, I've been really busy, and I've felt odd for weeks now. It's a chicken-egg thing, where I can't tell if I'm stressed because I don't feel well, or if I don't feel well because I'm stressed. I've been chalking it up to anxiety. I definitely was anxious earlier in the month because all sorts of things were coming together at once. It doesn't help that my boss reinstated weekly meetings, meaning my morning routine is disrupted and I have to make sure to get myself up early enough to get out of the house.
That's where I was this morning, I wouldn't say struggling to get myself up, but just going, I really don't want to do this. And then there came a point, actually a couple of points, where I almost started crying, thinking, I can't do this. I feel weird. During breakfast I just sat there for a few minutes contemplating what I wanted to do--do I just want to call in? Do I want to see if I should maybe go to urgent care? And just the act of sitting there with my head in my hands was relaxing enough that I felt better. But when I got up to finish my routine, the feeling of dread returned.
This is how far I got: I finished my routine and mom said goodbye as I headed down the stairs. I had my coat and shoes on--and then I just stood there for a minute or two, contemplating if I should go in, if maybe I should just do a half-day, but I couldn't bear the thought of being in the car for a half-hour each way. I finally told my parents I was calling in. I got my boss' voicemail and I texted DW. I haven't heard back from either of them. I still have my work shirt on but conceded and put on my jammie pants. I kind of want to give myself a little time to see if maybe just resting a bit more helps, or if I should try to see someone today. Not sure. Mom wants us all to take covid tests, in part because her one set recently expired. I don't think it's covid, or at least not current covid. I kind of just want to chill.
It's just weird to call in. I don't think I've done so since my second bout of covid.
That's where I was this morning, I wouldn't say struggling to get myself up, but just going, I really don't want to do this. And then there came a point, actually a couple of points, where I almost started crying, thinking, I can't do this. I feel weird. During breakfast I just sat there for a few minutes contemplating what I wanted to do--do I just want to call in? Do I want to see if I should maybe go to urgent care? And just the act of sitting there with my head in my hands was relaxing enough that I felt better. But when I got up to finish my routine, the feeling of dread returned.
This is how far I got: I finished my routine and mom said goodbye as I headed down the stairs. I had my coat and shoes on--and then I just stood there for a minute or two, contemplating if I should go in, if maybe I should just do a half-day, but I couldn't bear the thought of being in the car for a half-hour each way. I finally told my parents I was calling in. I got my boss' voicemail and I texted DW. I haven't heard back from either of them. I still have my work shirt on but conceded and put on my jammie pants. I kind of want to give myself a little time to see if maybe just resting a bit more helps, or if I should try to see someone today. Not sure. Mom wants us all to take covid tests, in part because her one set recently expired. I don't think it's covid, or at least not current covid. I kind of just want to chill.
It's just weird to call in. I don't think I've done so since my second bout of covid.