Showering in the compound
We made it to the shower yesterday, and more importantly, made it home. Grandma, too. How she got there--meaning home--nobody knows. But she did it.
Aside from a minor detour due to an accident, our trip there was uneventful. I purposely took a slightly longer route in order to take just two main roads, as well as make it easier to get into the place. I mentioned that mom looked the place up on Zillow and knew the physical house was huge, but she never bothered to look at the street view. I knew exactly where to go. Mom was surprised at what it looked like--you cannot see the house from the road, and the driveway was narrow and went up a slight hill. At that moment, mom understood my concern. Yeah, it's unusual and I'm really glad I looked it up ahead of time. I slowly pulled up the driveway and saw grandma's distinctive car right away--as well as a golf cart with two guys on it, directing traffic and having people park on the grass. Truth be told, and given how large their property is (over an acre), part of me honestly wondered if something like that would happen. Yes, there's a larger-than-average driveway, but there's no way to fit all these cars on it. Mom had heard there were 70 people at the party. Yeah...you have to have some sort of plan. Anyway, I let grandma get settled, then followed the golf cart all the way down to the end of the line, which was toward the back of the house. We ended up walking in with grandma through what ended up being the garage, a large laundry/mudroom, and into a great room.
This house belonged to family friends of the bride's, I believe, and it's more like a compound. The owner is a contractor and I think designed and/or built it himself. They clearly host a number of gatherings and have things down pat, in part because the upper floor is more like a duplex--the mudroom separates two distinct households. We were told, if you've never been here before, appetizers are here, the main food is in the other kitchen, and beverages are in the mudroom; desserts will be where the appetizers were. The owner lives on one side (where the bulk of the party was); his sister lives on the other, and his mother used to live there; a third household is downstairs; and it sounded like there was an apartment beyond the garage, though I didn't catch that. Holy cow. And there were a bunch of tables and folding chairs set up in the great room. I'm not sure where a bedroom would have been on that main side, unless it's the room off the kitchen, which I thought was an office; not sure. Anyway, it was really interesting and the whole of the house, from what we saw of it, was really nice.
With all those people came a ton of presents. Mom had gotten one of the physically larger gifts, this oven of sorts, larger than a toaster oven. It was on the registry. You could tell most gifts came from Bed Bath & Beyond because they all had the same paper, heh. Ours was large enough that mom got a bag for it. She insisted on putting a rubber band around the top before I tied the bow; when opening the gift, my cousin had to cut the rubber band off of it to get it open. See, you should've let me just tie the bow and been done with it. I was the one who got to carry it inside, and all the gifts were piled in front of the fireplace. There was no good place for me to put ours, so I put it on the adjacent couch. Luckily it wasn't heavy, just bulky. My uncle had come outside and walked grandma in, and I followed right behind. He then talked to us for a bit and we got introduced to the bride's dad, whose first name has the same initial as my uncle. He went, we're looking for a third (initial) name, so I said, we're *lastnames* (again, same initial), and he went, I like her! Heh. I guess I'm a keeper.
We were a little out of our element, but being that this wasn't a party my aunt and uncle hosted, that meant they were able to spend a lot of time talking with us and it was really nice. We didn't see much of the boys, but eventually my female cousin came and joined us and it was nice to sit and talk to her...when she wasn't chasing her son. (Several of us took turns, and one of the friends there is a babysitter of his, so she also watched him for quite a while.) At one point she went, I've been trying to eat my taco for 30 minutes! Poor thing. Her daughter is a social butterfly and quickly made friends with the other little girls there. As for guys, there weren't a ton there--aside from the owner and immediate family members of the couple, the groomsmen were there and that was it. We met the one, and my uncle introduced him to grandma, mom, and me, and the guy went, I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to forget your names in about two minutes. I went, forget away! (And...not sure I remember his name, truthfully. It's fine.) While walking around, my uncle noticed a couple game sheets on a table and was complaining about the "lady games." One of them, wedding Mad Libs, anyone could play. The other...well, I'm not sure why he didn't want to play "What's in your purse?" Heh. By the way, mom scored really high on that second game, 91 points, and came away with a gift bag at the end of the party. One of the bride's cousins was walking around looking at the score sheets and saw mom's score and went, you're a winner! She came back a while later and my aunt, at 24 points, was not a winner, but my 65 points were respectable. I was bummed that socks weren't on there, because I'd shoved a pair in my purse in case this was a no-shoes household (didn't matter either way), but I had a fair amount of stuff. Mom's was more impressive because she'd brought a smaller purse and left a bigger one in my trunk, and had she had *that* purse on her, she would have scored even higher. Inside our gift bags were a bottle of nail polish and a small bottle of Philosophy shower gel. Mom got bright pink polish...but mine was *hot* pink, super bright, and the color's name is "Kiss Me."
Appetizers were first, and after a bit we were told we could go get dinner. Some kind lady insisted that family members go first, so okay, let's go. And then it was all Mexican food, which is far from my favorite, especially given that there was a ton of rice around. I am *SO* not a fan. I think what it was is that there were two kinds of rice, plain and Puerto Rican with rice and beans, and there were multiple containers of the plain rice. I was really glad I'd had the appetizers, which included nachos and little hot dogs, because I only had a couple small tacos and some chips. More appetizers had arrived after I'd first gone there, and they were still out when dinner was being served, so I snuck over and got more of those. (Come to me, cucumber sandwiches and tuna spread.) Dessert was being set out around that time, and when my uncle said we were free to have some, my mom was out of her chair in a flash. Like, I didn't even see her leave--not sure what I was doing--but yeah, she wasted no time. Of the desserts, I had a green cookie, which I think was pistachio, a small piece of what I'm pretty sure was my aunt's cheese cake (remember, it's not the same as cheesecake), and a slice of this lemon cake. There was also this very pretty cake that was decorated to say "LOVE" on the front, like with a removable wooden decoration, and that was being sliced as I first got dessert. Mom had asked me to go get grandma a piece of the lemon cake, and I went over there, but that was when my cousin had gotten to our gift and I wanted to get a picture. (I took very few pictures of the gift opening because, one, I wasn't facing that direction; two, they hadn't bothered to announce they were opening gifts, so I didn't even know it was happening; and three, it went on for over an hour and a half.) He had such trouble with the stupid rubber band that it took about five minutes to get the bag opened. Meanwhile, mom came up for some of the love cake, but didn't bother to get lemon cake despite seeing I was busy. She was all, aren't you going to get the cake for grandma? Mom, can you see I have stuff in my hands already? It's hard to cut a cake slice when you're holding a camera. So I had to go and put down the camera to get the lemon cake, where grandma took a bite or two and proclaimed herself done (gee, thanks), and eventually I ended up eating the rest of it. My aunt had a bite of the love cake and proclaimed it too sweet, which was hilarious to me because it didn't taste sweet at all. I warned her not to eat the lemon cake because of that. The love cake...had a weird taste to it. I'm not sure what it was, like maybe it was supposed to have, I don't know, something fancy like lavender in it, but it didn't work for me. There was also a lot of it left, since it was two-tiered and the people who cut it did it like a wedding cake so that there were neat slices. (The lemon cake was pretty messy and fell apart while slicing it, and we had to cut our own slices of it, but at least it had flavor that was recognizable.)
We'd had a good time while we were there, catching up with everyone. The groom-to-be had just moved into his new apartment on Saturday and they'd gone on a shopping trip to Ikea and the Room Place and picked out all sorts of furniture. My uncle was impressed that they were able to pick out a couch so quickly; he said he'd still be there if it was him. (They got a similar couch to what the bride's parents have, which helped.) The bride will move in after the wedding, but at least they could take all their stuff directly there after the shower. My cousin's son is not quite two and isn't really talking yet, but he's definitely related to mom. When my aunt went to get food, he got this big smile on his face when she came back to feed him. And he picked up his grandma's phone and started taking pictures of *my* grandma--and the one was really good! I don't know what else he did, but he got another big smile on his face--he was really proud of himself, and of us for being proud of him. He's a character. My uncle is doing well at his job, but it's been long enough that it's time for them to decide if he's going to stay on or what. This was a temporary situation following the loss of his longtime job, which got dragged on for years. Several of them are going to Poland for a religious conference next week, which was surprising to us given how close it is to the wedding, but they couldn't pick the conference date. My uncle said he was hoping the couple would've picked a date in October, but beginning of September it is! And, something happened with the building at their congregation, so that the wedding likely will be held at a different location. Lucky for us it's where my other cousin's wedding was, so we've already been there, and we likely passed it on the way home but didn't think to look for it until we were past that point.
So. Speaking of the way home. We'd decided to leave by 7:30 because I was going to guide grandma part of the way. The party was near the intersection of routes 14 and 22. I would get her to 14 and get her going eastbound, but at 59 I was going to turn south; she should have continued on. I'm pretty sure I told her that as well. Unfortunately, she followed me when I turned. Mom had thought it was the turn because below the sign for 59 was another that said "truck" (in orange, like due to construction) and then 14 (normal color, white). Now, had grandma bothered to consult a map, she'd have known to just keep driving. She didn't, or at least didn't before leaving the party, and now she was stuck heading south instead of east. Mom and I started bickering as to what to do now to get her back on track, and ultimately I pulled onto a little side street hoping grandma would follow. She didn't. And by the time I turned around and got back to 59, I'd had to wait for about a dozen cars to go past before I could get back on, and she was long past by then. Great. My aunt and uncle and mom had implored grandma to call one of us once she got home, and that person would text the other so we'd all know she was okay. Over an hour passed and nobody heard anything. I should also say that the ride home was tense in my car because I was really upset with grandma for not having any clue as to where she was going. Instead of consulting a map, she's relying on her OnStar to get her around--and she'd told us when she arrived at the party that she could hear the initialization just fine, but the person himself, he was very quiet. She confirmed that she had her hearing aids in and that they were on, and she wasn't having any trouble hearing anyone at the table. (Mom had more hearing issues than she did. Grandma specifically said she wasn't having anyone repeat themselves, though mom did so constantly.) So...she's already had issues getting there; did she honestly think she wouldn't have issues on the way home? And here's the thing about 59 and the direction we were going, same with Barrington Road, which 59 splits off from south of downtown Barrington: If you hit any of the numbered state routes, they will get you east. They will get you back toward streets you'll recognize. Heck, if she kept going south enough, she'd run into 19--Irving Park Road. It'll be slow going, but that will take her right to our old neighborhood.
It was about 9:15 when we finally heard from her. She made it home. We have no idea how she got there, but she made it. She said she ended up on Skokie Highway somehow. Like, she literally could not tell us *how*. She just did, and the cars were going very fast, and she got off it as soon as she could. She ended up at Cicero, which is several miles east of where she lives. That's...not good. Skokie Highway is Route 41-slash-I-94, which is NOWHERE near where she should have been! And by then it was dark and hard for her to see, and...I'm just really upset that that happened. She claims she managed to get back on to 14, though she couldn't tell me how, and said it was terrible. No, what's terrible is that you had absolutely no idea where you were going, and you didn't bother to pay attention to how you got there so you could backtrack, and there's a reason my aunt had offered that she could spend the night and she really should have done so, because grandma can find her way back home from my uncle's. When we'd talked on Saturday, grandma mentioned the offer but clearly wasn't going to take it. We know she doesn't sleep well away from home--heck, she sleeps terribly even when she is home--but what she didn't bother to tell us is that her recurring digestive issues had cropped up again. She was fine at the party but worried about dealing with it elsewhere. Okay, that's understandable, but you could have told us that was part of the reason.
My grandma is pretty with it. She's still independent, fiercely so, and enjoys living on her own and coming and going when she pleases. However, she is still 87. She does have limitations whether she wants to admit to them or not. And her getting lost while going home is a big concern to me. How many stories have been on the news over the years of elderly drivers getting lost and the consequences of such were dire? One wrong turn and she ends up in a retention pond because she's struggling to understand the directions the OnStar guy is trying to give her. I know I'm a worrywart, and I'm okay with that, but I wish my mom would take these concerns more seriously. We let her dad live on his own for far too long when he really wasn't able to. I'm happy to help grandma live on her own for a while longer--she's not ready to give that up just yet--but at the same time she needs to recognize that she has to help herself. In this case, it's consulting a map both to get her to a venue and return her home. (We spoke on the phone today and she admitted to checking a map on how to get there...so why she got so confused on the way home, I don't know.) She will likely have mom in the car with her for the wedding, and I'm hoping I can provide her with a map so that they both can find their way around. Mom's not that great with directions, but they can at least pull over and look at that and possibly mom's phone to get around. Mom probably wouldn't be able to hear the OnStar person, either.
Aside from a minor detour due to an accident, our trip there was uneventful. I purposely took a slightly longer route in order to take just two main roads, as well as make it easier to get into the place. I mentioned that mom looked the place up on Zillow and knew the physical house was huge, but she never bothered to look at the street view. I knew exactly where to go. Mom was surprised at what it looked like--you cannot see the house from the road, and the driveway was narrow and went up a slight hill. At that moment, mom understood my concern. Yeah, it's unusual and I'm really glad I looked it up ahead of time. I slowly pulled up the driveway and saw grandma's distinctive car right away--as well as a golf cart with two guys on it, directing traffic and having people park on the grass. Truth be told, and given how large their property is (over an acre), part of me honestly wondered if something like that would happen. Yes, there's a larger-than-average driveway, but there's no way to fit all these cars on it. Mom had heard there were 70 people at the party. Yeah...you have to have some sort of plan. Anyway, I let grandma get settled, then followed the golf cart all the way down to the end of the line, which was toward the back of the house. We ended up walking in with grandma through what ended up being the garage, a large laundry/mudroom, and into a great room.
This house belonged to family friends of the bride's, I believe, and it's more like a compound. The owner is a contractor and I think designed and/or built it himself. They clearly host a number of gatherings and have things down pat, in part because the upper floor is more like a duplex--the mudroom separates two distinct households. We were told, if you've never been here before, appetizers are here, the main food is in the other kitchen, and beverages are in the mudroom; desserts will be where the appetizers were. The owner lives on one side (where the bulk of the party was); his sister lives on the other, and his mother used to live there; a third household is downstairs; and it sounded like there was an apartment beyond the garage, though I didn't catch that. Holy cow. And there were a bunch of tables and folding chairs set up in the great room. I'm not sure where a bedroom would have been on that main side, unless it's the room off the kitchen, which I thought was an office; not sure. Anyway, it was really interesting and the whole of the house, from what we saw of it, was really nice.
With all those people came a ton of presents. Mom had gotten one of the physically larger gifts, this oven of sorts, larger than a toaster oven. It was on the registry. You could tell most gifts came from Bed Bath & Beyond because they all had the same paper, heh. Ours was large enough that mom got a bag for it. She insisted on putting a rubber band around the top before I tied the bow; when opening the gift, my cousin had to cut the rubber band off of it to get it open. See, you should've let me just tie the bow and been done with it. I was the one who got to carry it inside, and all the gifts were piled in front of the fireplace. There was no good place for me to put ours, so I put it on the adjacent couch. Luckily it wasn't heavy, just bulky. My uncle had come outside and walked grandma in, and I followed right behind. He then talked to us for a bit and we got introduced to the bride's dad, whose first name has the same initial as my uncle. He went, we're looking for a third (initial) name, so I said, we're *lastnames* (again, same initial), and he went, I like her! Heh. I guess I'm a keeper.
We were a little out of our element, but being that this wasn't a party my aunt and uncle hosted, that meant they were able to spend a lot of time talking with us and it was really nice. We didn't see much of the boys, but eventually my female cousin came and joined us and it was nice to sit and talk to her...when she wasn't chasing her son. (Several of us took turns, and one of the friends there is a babysitter of his, so she also watched him for quite a while.) At one point she went, I've been trying to eat my taco for 30 minutes! Poor thing. Her daughter is a social butterfly and quickly made friends with the other little girls there. As for guys, there weren't a ton there--aside from the owner and immediate family members of the couple, the groomsmen were there and that was it. We met the one, and my uncle introduced him to grandma, mom, and me, and the guy went, I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to forget your names in about two minutes. I went, forget away! (And...not sure I remember his name, truthfully. It's fine.) While walking around, my uncle noticed a couple game sheets on a table and was complaining about the "lady games." One of them, wedding Mad Libs, anyone could play. The other...well, I'm not sure why he didn't want to play "What's in your purse?" Heh. By the way, mom scored really high on that second game, 91 points, and came away with a gift bag at the end of the party. One of the bride's cousins was walking around looking at the score sheets and saw mom's score and went, you're a winner! She came back a while later and my aunt, at 24 points, was not a winner, but my 65 points were respectable. I was bummed that socks weren't on there, because I'd shoved a pair in my purse in case this was a no-shoes household (didn't matter either way), but I had a fair amount of stuff. Mom's was more impressive because she'd brought a smaller purse and left a bigger one in my trunk, and had she had *that* purse on her, she would have scored even higher. Inside our gift bags were a bottle of nail polish and a small bottle of Philosophy shower gel. Mom got bright pink polish...but mine was *hot* pink, super bright, and the color's name is "Kiss Me."
Appetizers were first, and after a bit we were told we could go get dinner. Some kind lady insisted that family members go first, so okay, let's go. And then it was all Mexican food, which is far from my favorite, especially given that there was a ton of rice around. I am *SO* not a fan. I think what it was is that there were two kinds of rice, plain and Puerto Rican with rice and beans, and there were multiple containers of the plain rice. I was really glad I'd had the appetizers, which included nachos and little hot dogs, because I only had a couple small tacos and some chips. More appetizers had arrived after I'd first gone there, and they were still out when dinner was being served, so I snuck over and got more of those. (Come to me, cucumber sandwiches and tuna spread.) Dessert was being set out around that time, and when my uncle said we were free to have some, my mom was out of her chair in a flash. Like, I didn't even see her leave--not sure what I was doing--but yeah, she wasted no time. Of the desserts, I had a green cookie, which I think was pistachio, a small piece of what I'm pretty sure was my aunt's cheese cake (remember, it's not the same as cheesecake), and a slice of this lemon cake. There was also this very pretty cake that was decorated to say "LOVE" on the front, like with a removable wooden decoration, and that was being sliced as I first got dessert. Mom had asked me to go get grandma a piece of the lemon cake, and I went over there, but that was when my cousin had gotten to our gift and I wanted to get a picture. (I took very few pictures of the gift opening because, one, I wasn't facing that direction; two, they hadn't bothered to announce they were opening gifts, so I didn't even know it was happening; and three, it went on for over an hour and a half.) He had such trouble with the stupid rubber band that it took about five minutes to get the bag opened. Meanwhile, mom came up for some of the love cake, but didn't bother to get lemon cake despite seeing I was busy. She was all, aren't you going to get the cake for grandma? Mom, can you see I have stuff in my hands already? It's hard to cut a cake slice when you're holding a camera. So I had to go and put down the camera to get the lemon cake, where grandma took a bite or two and proclaimed herself done (gee, thanks), and eventually I ended up eating the rest of it. My aunt had a bite of the love cake and proclaimed it too sweet, which was hilarious to me because it didn't taste sweet at all. I warned her not to eat the lemon cake because of that. The love cake...had a weird taste to it. I'm not sure what it was, like maybe it was supposed to have, I don't know, something fancy like lavender in it, but it didn't work for me. There was also a lot of it left, since it was two-tiered and the people who cut it did it like a wedding cake so that there were neat slices. (The lemon cake was pretty messy and fell apart while slicing it, and we had to cut our own slices of it, but at least it had flavor that was recognizable.)
We'd had a good time while we were there, catching up with everyone. The groom-to-be had just moved into his new apartment on Saturday and they'd gone on a shopping trip to Ikea and the Room Place and picked out all sorts of furniture. My uncle was impressed that they were able to pick out a couch so quickly; he said he'd still be there if it was him. (They got a similar couch to what the bride's parents have, which helped.) The bride will move in after the wedding, but at least they could take all their stuff directly there after the shower. My cousin's son is not quite two and isn't really talking yet, but he's definitely related to mom. When my aunt went to get food, he got this big smile on his face when she came back to feed him. And he picked up his grandma's phone and started taking pictures of *my* grandma--and the one was really good! I don't know what else he did, but he got another big smile on his face--he was really proud of himself, and of us for being proud of him. He's a character. My uncle is doing well at his job, but it's been long enough that it's time for them to decide if he's going to stay on or what. This was a temporary situation following the loss of his longtime job, which got dragged on for years. Several of them are going to Poland for a religious conference next week, which was surprising to us given how close it is to the wedding, but they couldn't pick the conference date. My uncle said he was hoping the couple would've picked a date in October, but beginning of September it is! And, something happened with the building at their congregation, so that the wedding likely will be held at a different location. Lucky for us it's where my other cousin's wedding was, so we've already been there, and we likely passed it on the way home but didn't think to look for it until we were past that point.
So. Speaking of the way home. We'd decided to leave by 7:30 because I was going to guide grandma part of the way. The party was near the intersection of routes 14 and 22. I would get her to 14 and get her going eastbound, but at 59 I was going to turn south; she should have continued on. I'm pretty sure I told her that as well. Unfortunately, she followed me when I turned. Mom had thought it was the turn because below the sign for 59 was another that said "truck" (in orange, like due to construction) and then 14 (normal color, white). Now, had grandma bothered to consult a map, she'd have known to just keep driving. She didn't, or at least didn't before leaving the party, and now she was stuck heading south instead of east. Mom and I started bickering as to what to do now to get her back on track, and ultimately I pulled onto a little side street hoping grandma would follow. She didn't. And by the time I turned around and got back to 59, I'd had to wait for about a dozen cars to go past before I could get back on, and she was long past by then. Great. My aunt and uncle and mom had implored grandma to call one of us once she got home, and that person would text the other so we'd all know she was okay. Over an hour passed and nobody heard anything. I should also say that the ride home was tense in my car because I was really upset with grandma for not having any clue as to where she was going. Instead of consulting a map, she's relying on her OnStar to get her around--and she'd told us when she arrived at the party that she could hear the initialization just fine, but the person himself, he was very quiet. She confirmed that she had her hearing aids in and that they were on, and she wasn't having any trouble hearing anyone at the table. (Mom had more hearing issues than she did. Grandma specifically said she wasn't having anyone repeat themselves, though mom did so constantly.) So...she's already had issues getting there; did she honestly think she wouldn't have issues on the way home? And here's the thing about 59 and the direction we were going, same with Barrington Road, which 59 splits off from south of downtown Barrington: If you hit any of the numbered state routes, they will get you east. They will get you back toward streets you'll recognize. Heck, if she kept going south enough, she'd run into 19--Irving Park Road. It'll be slow going, but that will take her right to our old neighborhood.
It was about 9:15 when we finally heard from her. She made it home. We have no idea how she got there, but she made it. She said she ended up on Skokie Highway somehow. Like, she literally could not tell us *how*. She just did, and the cars were going very fast, and she got off it as soon as she could. She ended up at Cicero, which is several miles east of where she lives. That's...not good. Skokie Highway is Route 41-slash-I-94, which is NOWHERE near where she should have been! And by then it was dark and hard for her to see, and...I'm just really upset that that happened. She claims she managed to get back on to 14, though she couldn't tell me how, and said it was terrible. No, what's terrible is that you had absolutely no idea where you were going, and you didn't bother to pay attention to how you got there so you could backtrack, and there's a reason my aunt had offered that she could spend the night and she really should have done so, because grandma can find her way back home from my uncle's. When we'd talked on Saturday, grandma mentioned the offer but clearly wasn't going to take it. We know she doesn't sleep well away from home--heck, she sleeps terribly even when she is home--but what she didn't bother to tell us is that her recurring digestive issues had cropped up again. She was fine at the party but worried about dealing with it elsewhere. Okay, that's understandable, but you could have told us that was part of the reason.
My grandma is pretty with it. She's still independent, fiercely so, and enjoys living on her own and coming and going when she pleases. However, she is still 87. She does have limitations whether she wants to admit to them or not. And her getting lost while going home is a big concern to me. How many stories have been on the news over the years of elderly drivers getting lost and the consequences of such were dire? One wrong turn and she ends up in a retention pond because she's struggling to understand the directions the OnStar guy is trying to give her. I know I'm a worrywart, and I'm okay with that, but I wish my mom would take these concerns more seriously. We let her dad live on his own for far too long when he really wasn't able to. I'm happy to help grandma live on her own for a while longer--she's not ready to give that up just yet--but at the same time she needs to recognize that she has to help herself. In this case, it's consulting a map both to get her to a venue and return her home. (We spoke on the phone today and she admitted to checking a map on how to get there...so why she got so confused on the way home, I don't know.) She will likely have mom in the car with her for the wedding, and I'm hoping I can provide her with a map so that they both can find their way around. Mom's not that great with directions, but they can at least pull over and look at that and possibly mom's phone to get around. Mom probably wouldn't be able to hear the OnStar person, either.