(no subject)
school is hard.
why do i feel like i'm the only one who feels that way? it's been a nutty three weeks. I joined a sorority, I'm taking 18 credits as opposed to my lazy 11. i work 24/7. I haven't even been on the phone with buddy for more than 10 minutes a day, which is unheard of. We had auditions in a cappella this past week, Marla's now an Absolute singer. That is awesome. I am really proud of her. Things are technically going so well for me... then why am I so upset?
I had an anxiety attack wednesday morning. I stopped handling life. I threw up twice and was incapable of taking notes in Italian due to my shaking. I missed my first class ever, and just lied down and breathed for an hour. I've never had that happen before. I've gotten stressed out and cried, but I completely skipped that step and went straight into freak out mode. My body started malfunctioning and I couldn't think straight. My mom was in surgery, my grandma at my great uncles funeral, my brother in class, my dad with my mom, and i couldn't even use a phone to try and contact any of them. What's happening to me?
I love the people here. I'm surrounded by equally motivated people who honestly care about their studies but also know how to take a break and have fun. Whether fun is laser tag, a frat party, a movie night, sledding, or bowling, they are all there to pick me up and just let go. My classes are awesome this semester, I am beyond happy to be in each one. I have at least one friend in every class, and i don't mind doing the homework since i like the subjects. I joined an amazing sorority with a bunch of amazing girls that I can just hang out with and be goofy around. We're going on a retreat tonight, it is supposed to be awesome. I have everything going my way.
So what's my problem? I feel sad, with no real reason. Reissa's coming to visit tomorrow and I nearly cried happy tears becuase it felt like a saviour was coming. But I haven't had bad experiences here that would make me feel like I need to be saved from my surroundings. I don't even miss being home that much because winter break was so dissapointing. I miss being with my friends, and just being whole with them. But I feel like that feeling has been lost. I don't have time to call, be online, visit anyone, or even email really. This has been my first real free moment in 3 weeks. What is wrong with me?
I am sad. I do not know why. I do not have the time to figure out why. I just want to be happy.
Love Always,
Lindsey
why do i feel like i'm the only one who feels that way? it's been a nutty three weeks. I joined a sorority, I'm taking 18 credits as opposed to my lazy 11. i work 24/7. I haven't even been on the phone with buddy for more than 10 minutes a day, which is unheard of. We had auditions in a cappella this past week, Marla's now an Absolute singer. That is awesome. I am really proud of her. Things are technically going so well for me... then why am I so upset?
I had an anxiety attack wednesday morning. I stopped handling life. I threw up twice and was incapable of taking notes in Italian due to my shaking. I missed my first class ever, and just lied down and breathed for an hour. I've never had that happen before. I've gotten stressed out and cried, but I completely skipped that step and went straight into freak out mode. My body started malfunctioning and I couldn't think straight. My mom was in surgery, my grandma at my great uncles funeral, my brother in class, my dad with my mom, and i couldn't even use a phone to try and contact any of them. What's happening to me?
I love the people here. I'm surrounded by equally motivated people who honestly care about their studies but also know how to take a break and have fun. Whether fun is laser tag, a frat party, a movie night, sledding, or bowling, they are all there to pick me up and just let go. My classes are awesome this semester, I am beyond happy to be in each one. I have at least one friend in every class, and i don't mind doing the homework since i like the subjects. I joined an amazing sorority with a bunch of amazing girls that I can just hang out with and be goofy around. We're going on a retreat tonight, it is supposed to be awesome. I have everything going my way.
So what's my problem? I feel sad, with no real reason. Reissa's coming to visit tomorrow and I nearly cried happy tears becuase it felt like a saviour was coming. But I haven't had bad experiences here that would make me feel like I need to be saved from my surroundings. I don't even miss being home that much because winter break was so dissapointing. I miss being with my friends, and just being whole with them. But I feel like that feeling has been lost. I don't have time to call, be online, visit anyone, or even email really. This has been my first real free moment in 3 weeks. What is wrong with me?
I am sad. I do not know why. I do not have the time to figure out why. I just want to be happy.
Love Always,
Lindsey